Going private doesn't 'help' the NHS or state education??

[tryingtobemarrypoppins2]

I really don't know if it is BU to think this! Came up in a rather heated conversation over a meal out with pals last night.....

My thought was "thats a mad suggestion and private anything is unfair on those that can't efford it" but on listening to others soon realised I had no idea at all! Slightly out of my depth!

Perhaps this should be AIBU to vote when I don't know much about politics!

I agree with that Riven and regularly tell my kids that when all is said and done they will be judged on how they treated other people.

I believe one of the greatest traits you can nurture in your child is kindness.

I'm quite happy actually..... despite what I earn. I think that's a matter of brain chemistry - seratonin, dopamine etc I'm also not ill and that helps too.

I want my cxhildren educated with other clever children from age 5 because then the whole class can work together at the same level and the clever children do better rather than coast. I think that's more fun in class. I met someone very clever on Saturday night and a very clever client two weeks ago. They are such fun. of course I meet very dull and stupid people too but I wouldn't choose to have dinner with them. I'd work with them if they were paying but it's not as much fun.

Secondly teenagers tend to do what everyone else is doing. In a comp where most people are a bit thick (average IQ if 100 etc) then even if you're in the top set you tend to go with the herd whereas somewhere like North London C where my daughter went if most of the class are going to good universities you're more likely to find your child follows that herd rather than the herd down to the local job centre.

Thirdly they meet plenty of not clever people all the time. The state and private grammar segregation works well (and yes I know that plenty of the general private schools boarding and state cater for a comprehensive in take but I haven't chosen to buy that).

Fourthly it can help the CV. My daughter who is now in work said her current boss was sent her CV last week and mentioned her school. However wrong that is and I don't think it's wrong at all, why not aid your child in that way if you can?

But then SWC, not all indie schools are academic hothouses. Even within those that are academically selective there is often a great many for whom breadth of education is their greatest aim.

Xenia's posts just show how you cannot lump fee paying parents together.

Unlike Xenia, I am fundamentally paying for the experience and don't really give a damn about the outcome. I am looking for them to have loved school not for them to get 4 grade A Alevels.

Well off topic. Sorry OP

The broader question is what constitutes a happy, fulfilling, useful life.

Sure, academic achievement is part of that, but there's a lot more to it. TBH I probably put more emphasis on my children forming positive, fun, happy relationships as adults, than worrying too much about whether they get 10 high GCSEs or 12. Sending your children to private school is no guarantee that they won't end up divorced, or in an unhappy relationship etc. Neither is a state education a guarantee - I'm just making the point that we can over think these things, and get our priorities skewed. I also want my children to have aspirations, and to achieve well - luckily they are all bright and top sets for most subjects - so they are surrounded by the A grade pupils which Xenia pays for anyway!

Finally, I don;t think many people are motivated in the same way as Xenia, to earn absolutely shedloads of money, simply because once you are earning over a certain amount, the evidence shows that it doesn't increase your happiness proportionately. In other words, if you have enough money to live somewhere you want to live, provide your family with all the essentials, plus have spare money for the things you want to indulge in, then you have probably pretty much reached the limit of 'financial happiness' and earning another 50k a year won't make a significant difference.

Those are all slightly off topic points. You can be perfectly happy and get a rounded edcuation in the private schools. In fact their music, art, clubs, sports is miles bnetter than most comps. Just about every olympic athlete in the UK is from the 7% who go to private schools even. Everything in th private system except perhaps thuggery is done better.

I don't work for money. I adore what I do. Most people my age who carry on do it for the fun.

I certainly have never paid for exam results and I've the most laid back children imaginable but their internal contentment and broad education and wide range of interests is good and they are fun to talk to.

Anyway don't children get such awful accents at state schools that you couldn't understand them?

I can understand what Xenia means about teenagers being influenced. I have a friend who went to an inner city comprehensive and was bullied terribly because he was very academic and wanted to succeed. He still has knee trouble after being tripped over at the top of a flight of stairs. He had middle class parents who didn't believe in private education.

I started school able to read well, as opposed to most of my peers who didn't know the alphabet, and I was always ahead of most of my classmates. I didn't find it an enjoyable experience - I was always being called a teacher's pet, or being made to feel that being 'brainy' was a bad thing. I also found it difficult to make friends because most of the kids were allowed to wander the streets freely in the evenings and hang out together, whereas my mum was very uncomfortable with this idea. Now I'm an adult and I like to think I can get on with anyone regardless of background, but as a small child, being different can make you feel very unhappy.

I don't think xenia is shallow actually - I think she's taking the piss out of herself now!!

The only thing I do feel a bit sorry for her about is that I think she doesn't show a great deal of confidence in her own children - all this thing about following the herd etc. But maybe I'm just used to my own children, who are all quite individual!

I work with a room full of people all with PhDs on a daily basis. Quite a few of them are unfailingly stupid in many ways. I know many people with no qualifications at all that are far wiser and nicer.

That comment was not related to Rivens son who obviously has wisdom, brains and kindness in buckets

I have to say, the less intelligent people on my course at University tended to be the privately educated ones..... not saying they were thick, cos you needed to be reasonably bright to get on it, but they certainly weren't the high fliers!

"I liked my children at age 5 only to be in a school where everyone was very clever, never mind setting in a comp. My local comp raised it's GCSE pass rates A- C from 22% to 34% last year. My daughter's school North London C gets about 99% A and A* never mind A- C!"

Ah but if xenia's children had had to go to the local comp I imagine that resuts would have gone through the roof

Will catch up with rest of thread now.

"Anyway don't children get such awful accents at state schools that you couldn't understand them? " This is a joke I assume.

Whereas I genuinely found it hard to understand this guy at University who'd been to public school! And what I did understand wasn't very interesting!!

Riven, you have now given me an image of Xenia's personal care being attended to! Thanks for that!!

Olympics comment:

I don't think Rebecca Adlington, Chris Hoy, Sally Gunnell or Lyndford Christie went to private schools!

But most of the rowers, sailors and horse riders did, because you need parents with money to buy you the equipment to compete in those sports in the first place.

I bet even Xenia's cleaner has a PhD. And the nanny.

I feel I am lucky to be able to choose between private and state for health and education.
Right now, my treatments are private and DD is in a state school. This may change, depends ont eh circumstances.

Going private does help NHS and state schools because then they have fewer people to deal with.

What would also help state education and the the NHS is the reduction of management overhead and inefficiences and dim targets that drive the wrong type of behaviour!

But xenia has tried to insure herself there as well, having 5 children (I think) and many of them girls...

Anyway, i think some on the thread are missing the point, that it's not the children being mixed up that makes a difference, but the positive influence of the more proactive/involved parents. Seriously, if xenia's kids had to go to a dodgy state school, she would have been head of the board of governers, sacking crappy teachers, calling her contacts for equipment, personally pulling up the wayward children by the bootstraps...