Teenagers & Money - advice please!

[SouthDevonDelight]

Me - single parent, work fulltime but definitely don't have much left over at the end of the month. Daughter (17) doing A levels and hoping to go to uni in September. For past 3 years she's worked 4 hrs a week at local florist - more hours when it's Valentines or Mother's Day etc and, since last October, waitresses at a local hotel over the weekend. Income is therefore approx £50 per week from working + £30 EMA = £80'ish which, to me, is actually a fair amount!

The problem is that she seems unable to stop shopping (30+ pairs of shoes, 20 bags, enough jewellery to start a shop, make-up, magazines, new clothes every week) and now there's a boyfriend on the scene there are meals out, cinema etc - although she goes 50/50, which is good!

BUT, I'm really concerned at how "easy come easy go" it all is. There's no attempt at saving even a couple of pounds a week and it seems her friends have this attitude as well.

Am I worrying too much? Any advice/comments from other parents would be appreciated.

I think you are worrying too much, tbh

Does she pay you anything towards the upkeep of the house/food/laundry etc ?

I would be more concerned if all this disposable income was for purely selfish reasons...but that is up to you, not her

Charge her rent and don't give her any extra if she asks for it... ?

My dss is the same, he does a milk round a couple of mornings a week and gets about £50, which is a fair step up from his £10 a week pocket money.
Talks the talk about saving, but is spent within days on playing pool, burgers with mates etc.
Mine is 16. I think this is probably the only chance they'll get to enjoy their money without any responsibility, so I really don't mind as long as they realise, once its gone its gone. I certainly can't afford handouts either.
I wish I had £50 a week to spend on myself!
They'll be down to earth with a bump soon enough.

i would be more worried if she did not work at all. does she contribute anything to housekeeping?

i was always taught if you want money - you go out and you earn it - sounds like she has at least learnt that much

Tell her that since she is earning, you expect her to contribute to the running of the house. When I was at college, I only got about £30 p/w but I bought stuff like the bread, milk and teabags just to show that I wanted to contribute and that I wasn't taking the piss out of my mum. When I started working properly, I paid board.

That's how it works in the adult world. She's gotta get used to it.

That seems to be the norm these days amongst teens, and I wouldn't worry too much about it. Though you might want to check she doesn't have access to credit: that seems to be an awful lot of swag for £80 per week.

Well, she's off to uni soon; if that doesn't teach her to budget, nothing will!

Do you need to sit her down and have a chat about her expectations of support at university?

In your circs I wouldn't top her up if she runs out of money - I'd set her up on eBay to sell off some of the piles of crap it sounds like she's accumulating.

I think you are worrying too much. This is the classic age to spend, spend and spend and she is at least using her money. It is probably the only time in her life that she'll have this sort of disposable income because real life is going to kick in as soon as she is at uni. So I wouldn't stress.

It's difficult at that age. I'm in my early 20s so not much older. There's such a huge pressure to look good and have the latest stuff and buy a new outfit for every big night out. I would say that the most important thing is that she's not in debt at all. It's not ideal that she isn't saving, but as long as she's living within her means it's not the end of the world. It could become a problem when she goes to uni and is offered a student overdraft or credit card, so it may be worth having a talk with her nearer the time.

I got an overdraft at the first opportunity and blew it on stuff in Topshop, Primark etc. It was lovely having all that stuff at the time but I regretted it when I was still paying for it a couple of years later. Now that I'm in the 'real world' I cringe when I think about how much money I spent on disposable clothes, makeup etc.

It's good that she has a job, so some sense of money being something that you have to work for. I would keep an eye on her spending when she goes to uni to make sure she's not going too crazy, but I'm sure that once she lives by herself and has to do food shopping, pay bills etc she'll grow up a bit and start being more careful.

I don't think you should worry, she is earning the money herself (not sure about EMA?).
I would find it mean to ask her to contribute to house keeping. She is still in high school and she goes to work to make money for herself. Honestly, if you would have told me that the hard earned money I got as a teenager would have to go to my parents, I would have stopped working. It's not like you have the choice to stop paying for her. Unless of course people are really poor, then I think it would be fair enough of course!

About her spending it all-talk to her. Say that you know it's her money and her choice (because that's it, she is spending none of your money) but that i would be good for her to save up at least a bit of it. Explain why and maybe what for (Uni?).
It seems like normal teenager behaviour though!

The current research is that after 7 hours of paid work per week, there is a detectable drop in student's A-level grades. You could discuss with her the fact that after a point she might be trading her future success and salary against short term gains.

I would also second suggestions that you discuss Uni costs now. Once she is there she will regret not saving more IME.

I didn't work when I was at school, but started a bar job after A-levels (in the summer gap before uni) and I spent every penny I earned - it seemed like such a lot of £££ at the time. It was great having money to spend, and I wasted all of it on CDs, clothes, shoes, make-up and going out boozing. Then I started uni and had to join the real world! It didn't do me any harm to have a summer of madness tbh - I am now very boring and sensible and so is DH (aged 30 and 28 respectively).
Once I was at uni, I paid board in the summer holidays of £130 a month, and then once I graduated and moved back home I paid £250 a month until I moved out and bought my own place. DH paid the same amount of board at his parents' house until we moved in together (he didn't go to uni, he worked FT after A-levels) and it stood us in good stead: we already knew we could afford to pay out £500 a month between us, and it helped us to budget what we could afford to buy etc. But for now, let her enjoy spending her money - she'll learn about responsibility soon enough.

EMA

Educational Maintenance Allowance - up to £30 a week from 16-18 if you qualify.

Also, forgot to add - you could ask her for some housekeeping, but keep the money she gives you in a savings account, or invest it in some shares. You can keep it until she moves out of home or graduates, then give it back to her. I heard of someone doing this with their kids and thought it was a nice idea.

Any offspring of mine over 16 would be expected to hand over a small proportion of any cash they earned as a contribution to household expenses

nothing comes for free in this life

old enough to work and go out carousing/spending money = old enough to have a little bit of financial responsibility towards your own upkeep

Agree with AnyFucker.

That's a considerable amount of money.

Also a bit at any teenager who gets £30 EMA to fund handbags, shoes and eating out. Isn't the idea behind it to enable 16-18 year olds from low income families to stay on in education - ie bus fares to college, books, etc?

My 8 year old is just learning the concept of money, and it's not easy at all. But I found that matching savings made a massive difference - for every £ she saves for her holiday spending money, I promise to match it. Now when she has a little bit of money, she spends a bit and saves a bit.
This might work with a teen....I dunno.

I make my 14 yo save a quarter of everything she earns (babysitting, mainly). She hands it over to me and I pay it into her savings account.

If she was getting £80 cash in hand a week I'd be taking some of that in rent, tbh. I'd prob save it for her rather than spend it on housekeeping, but I'd be very unhappy about her spending £80 a week on crap.

Does she not have a longer-term goal? Is she planning to go on a post-A level holiday for eg? Might be worth sitting her down and spelling out how savings work -- there are some amazing stats on eg. Motley Fool about how much money builds up on saving £20 a month into an index fund, as long as you start early.

Also agree with AF.
At least she is working and that is quite a lot of money. My DS1 is almost 17 and doing his AS/A levels at a UK boarding school whilst I'm abroad. He gets full board plus they get treats like pizza and beers bought for them during the week by the housemaster and cinema trips at the weekend.
He does not work as says he has no time as he has to study and when would he have time to work (funny how I found/made the time to study and qualify as a lawyer when the little shit/boy was a baby and I was working full time and studying at night!) I keep pointing out that when I was his age I was working full time and giving half of my income to my mother as board and lodings.

I give him 75 pound (sorry, now pound sign on laptop) pcm and am starting to get annoyed that he won't even think about getting a part time summer job. I've just paid for him to go to a language school in Paris for a week which didn't give much change out of 1k when you add up the cost of the school, transport there and spending money. He then had the cheek to moan that it cost HIM 5 euros for a coke in a bar. Umm, I'll think you'll find it cost ME.
I wish he'd get off his backside like your DD and get himself a job. Do think you should think about charging her a bit of board and lodgings though.

SothDevon I was exactly the same as your DD, I was totally loaded as a teenager. I started working at 15 and usually had 2 shop jobs plus babysitting. As I didn't pay any rent or have a mobile like they all do now I had loads of disposable cash.
My Dad did tell me to save it for Uni but I ignored him, biggest financial mistake I ever made!

I had to work through Uni whilst all my friends were out having fun, again usually having 2 jobs as well as a full time course. Wish I'd been out partying every night with my mates instead.

Sorry, thats probably of no use at all, but at least it taught me a good lesson. I am now very, very careful with my money.

I agree with No134. I started working part time at 17 whilst at college. I earned about £40 a week so my parents stopped my weekly pocket money and asked for me to pay £10 a week into the household budget. They also encouraged me to open a ISA and save £25 a month. It seemed a lot to give up at the time but still left me with £25ish a week to spend on myself which was more than enough (12 years ago).
They saved the money I'd given them in rent and handed it back to me when got my own house at 20. I also kept up my ISA savings as never missed the money and it has just paid for half my wedding a few months ago.
I think starting uni will bring her back down to earth with a bump.

OK, thanks for all your comments/advice. Opinions differ, but I am reassured she's kind of normal!!! (By the way, the 30+ pairs of shoes and many bags are not from just a couple of weeks' shopping - they are the result of 2-3 years working - definitely no credit cards). And I forgot that she has paid for driving lessons/test. No chance of saving for a car, but I guess it was something!

Also, some of the EMA grant must actually be going on college text books etc as I've never been asked to pay for the Amazon parcels or school trips.

I will be a little more relaxed, but intend to ask for a contribution towards "household expenses" which will then go into a savings account and given back a few years down the line. Thanks for that particular suggestion.

Will also have a further discussion about managing university funds and try to make the work at two jobs/study balance is right. Hopefully this will reduce my stress levels and allow her the pleasure of earning own money, but with a little more responsibility!

glad to help with a bit of clarity

Well I do think she's young and of course she wants to spend her money on whatever she wants, however when I was just a bit older than her, I took out a store card and a credit card and used them irresponsibly. I was paying them off (mainly interest) for years after and in hindsight wished my Mum had nagged me a bit more about it. In contrast a friend of mine was brought up to save and be sensible and now owns a house and has £25k sat in the bank before she's 30!

So YANBU to be concerned, after all she's still your child and handling money is a life lesson like any other.

I'd say to maybe have a chat with her about getting into good habits, maybe give her some literature and let her know that although it's ultimately down to her, you just want her to be prepared and to have a good future.