Teenagers & Money - advice please!

[SouthDevonDelight]

Me - single parent, work fulltime but definitely don't have much left over at the end of the month. Daughter (17) doing A levels and hoping to go to uni in September. For past 3 years she's worked 4 hrs a week at local florist - more hours when it's Valentines or Mother's Day etc and, since last October, waitresses at a local hotel over the weekend. Income is therefore approx £50 per week from working + £30 EMA = £80'ish which, to me, is actually a fair amount!

The problem is that she seems unable to stop shopping (30+ pairs of shoes, 20 bags, enough jewellery to start a shop, make-up, magazines, new clothes every week) and now there's a boyfriend on the scene there are meals out, cinema etc - although she goes 50/50, which is good!

BUT, I'm really concerned at how "easy come easy go" it all is. There's no attempt at saving even a couple of pounds a week and it seems her friends have this attitude as well.

Am I worrying too much? Any advice/comments from other parents would be appreciated.

its her money - let her blow it as she choses.

its bloody hard to w atch though

I think its fairly normal too, I remember working through college to fund nights out and clothes.

I think its unfair to expect a high school student to contribute to a household but would ask if they worked full time and lived at home. Would secretly save the money though to help towards a house deposit etc.

brief hijack for advice if anyone is still watching this thread.
I posted above about DS1 and how much I give him (he full boards at a UK boarding school and gets the odd treat, ie cinema, bowling, pizza etc paid by the school) I have just spend nigh on 1k sending him to a Paris language school for a week (including spending money which he had around 300 from me (sterling) which he then converted into euros. I've just found out he'd also tapped up his dad (we are divorced) for around 150 euros (having said I didn't give him any spending money - course was half board so didn't need much)
Anyway, he and DC2 are out here on holiday but he said he only had 20 euros left (and also told his dad that when he took them to the airport last week) so has been tapping me up for more money as everything was so expensive and he'd had to spend nearly all of it. Well, DC2 has just grassed him up behind his back. He had 120 euros left and changed it into sterling once his dad had dropped them off at the airport ready to fly out here and he told DD1 not to say anything. I'm bloody livid, I've been skint the last few weeks as I've spent so much on him and am giving him 75 pcm into his bank account pocket money. Clearly he has far more in the bank than me and is shortly going to get around 1,500 pounds when a childrens bond I've been paying into for 10 years matures and it will go straight into his bank account. Am tempted to stop the pocket money or reduce to a much smaller amount.
What would you do (sorry for rambling post, I'm so upset with him)and now have the headache from hell.

thanks for that thesecondcoming I've calmed down a little now but am still upset.
The spending on him and DD1 (not my DH's children as from first marriage) is just getting out of control. DS1 just been to Paris and DD1 has been snowboarding in Austria before coming out here (Middle East) for 2 weeks. DC3 and 4 don't have half of what 1 and 2 have and DH understandably resents it.

Can't do a bloody thing about the childrens bond going to him. I took it out 10 years ago and only found out two weeks ago that the money goes straight to him when it matures. They've already written to him and sent him a form to fill in with his bank details and it goes straight into his account. Lesson learnt.

Funny how he can be an adult sometimes but other time he is worse than DC4 who is 14 months! At the moment he is ignoring me and depsite me asking him direct questions he will not look at me or answer me. Twat (he gets that from his dad)

Thanks for letting me vent.

Hiya, im new! When i was 16, i was working in hairdressers full time earning £60pw, i gave my ma and da £15pw board, then when i fell pg at 17 (had ds at 18) on bens of £93pw, i paid £30pw board until i moved out, yet when my sis left school, she was at college, but working part time at hotel, and earned more than i did at hairdressers, yet ma and da didnt take a penny off of her! Because she was studying! Grrrr! However back to the op, i think u should maybe make your dd pay a 'token' amount of board cause £80 is alot for a 17yo to squander every week, hope thats usefull!

thesecondcoming a bit hard to have a grown up discussion with a sulking teenager who is totally ignoring me (until mealtimes) Can't believe what a twat he is being. Most of the time he is sensible but sometimes he is so childish.
I'm just so upset as I've sacrificed so much to put him through the best schools and recently had to re-mortgage just so he could go to the sixth form he HAD to go to. Sadly I think DH is right about him changing due to his 'poncy' school.

Ivestillgotit, welcome I was just the same. My mother insisted I leave school at 16 and had to give her half of my weekly wages of 40 pw for board and lodging. I had to study evenings whilst working full time and with two young children. I'd have loved to do it the 'easy' way and go off to uni for 3/4 years and have a social life. I think we give them too much nowadays and they don't appreciate how it feels to actually earn money

Op as long as she asks you for nothing I wouldn't worry too much. However you ought to have a talk with her about funding for university and how getting into expensive habits now will be difficult later. She ought to be saving a little - traditional recommendation was 1/3 to live on, 1/3rd to save and 1/3 to have fun.

Quick update on original post - DD came to me last night and said:

"I've been hearing/reading stuff about April being end of financial year for lots of businesses and about ISA's and I want one, but what's the point of my savings being tax free if I don't get taxed on my wages anyway because I don't earn enough" ???

If she is starting to think about saving a little something, any advice on what might be the best option - she has an ordinary NatWest young person's current account and £250 in a building society accumulated from birthday/christmas cheques sent by never met distant relatives up to age of about 10 (which she has forgotten about, and I'm loathe to divulge as it will only be withdrawn and spent immediately!).

No seriously, do any financially astute MN's have recommendations for daughter - I need to strike while the iron is hot!

bloody kids. Can't believe I've got this much grief with number 1 and pray to god I won't go through all this with 2, 3 and 4!

southdevon, that sounds positive that she is thinking about saving. Not sure ISAs are worth it at the moment. I had one years ago but the interest rate now is rubbish. Tempted to cash it in and buy premium bonds.

Just nearly had a heart attack when DS finally handed me a letter from his bloody school saying school fees going up 1,125 a term from September. I want to cry

omg mumoverseas you pooor lamb

op dd and ds the same ..... live the life of luxury eating luxury foods 24/7 and dd shopping at jack wills

oh christ, don't start me on Jack bloody Wills. DS and DD discovered this last year. Stupid money.
notanotter how are things with you and your DC? Lost track of the UCAS thread.

Just got an email from my neighbour in the UK who looks after our house there and he opened the letter from DD's school ref fees. Thankfully their increase is somewhat more realistic, around 1.5% as opposed to DS's increas of 11.4%. That means we will only be eating tescos value baked beans for 5 days as opposed to 7

hmm mumoverseas - all going ooooooo kkkkkkkkk....

dd has a few GCSEs and they are not going to be a clean sweep of A - ds quite moody due to A requirement at A2

roll on september!

hope all well with you!

SouthDevon- there are ISAs that you can contribute to monthly- this might give her more of an impetus to keep saving on a regular basis. Having said that, there are usually higher-interest savings accounts that work in a similar way, and as she said- she won't be benefitting from the tax-saving anyway, so she would be better off going for one of these, and then she'd have a decent sum saved for something such as university, driving lessons etc.

Of course... she might like to open a pension... I believe you can pay in just £20 a month, and that might really be good for her long-term finances.

Have read somewhere (probably mumsnet), that a good rule of thumb for teenagers is to recommend 1/3 of their income goes on rent, that they save 1/3 and spend the remaining 1/3. If you can afford it, putting the rent aside to give back in times of need (university) is a nice idea - but don't let on in advance or there'll be no chance (instead of just a slim one) of them saving their third.

at your ds fee increases & general expenditure mumoverseas. I would definitely axe his pocket money for a couple of months (to recoup money given under false pretenses) and let him know that it will cease from when his bond matures. It sounds as though he needs to learn the bank of mum & dad is not a bottomless resource.

notanotter poor you with another moody teenager. They are awful aren't they?

snorkie that sounds a sensible plan the 1/3 rule. I've made it clear that DS needs to get off his arse and get a summer job. There must be something out there, particularly as our UK base is near Gatwick so hopefully he'll find something there.

The problem is, they do think we are bottomless pits. That was a few years ago. Things are different now and as DH (not even DS's dad) says, we have 3 other children to think of and if we set a precedent with DC1 we will be living on cat food in our retirement. I've adjusted the SO for his monthly allowance already, wonder how long it will be before he notices I swear the little shit/darling has more money in the bank than me