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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not give my sister a lift?

27 replies

spookycharlotte121 · 07/04/2010 09:04

I have been up for 3 nights now with dd who is poorly. (am a single mum so there is only me to do it) I have a 2.8 yr old ds so when dd finally settles I then have to get up with him and am exhausted.

My sister has a job interview today and I agreed last week when she told me that I would have her dd for her whilst she went. She then called me up this morning about half an hour before she is due at the interview asking for a lift. She says she has no monney to pay for parking. problem is when I say no she still carries on nangging.
Whilst i sympathise with her dilemma there is only so much I can do. Her dd'd car seat wont fit in my car with my two so she would have to sit without one which im not comfortable about. I also think that she has had a fair amount of notice of the interview and should have put a few quid by for the car park.

She always mkaes me feel so guilty when I say no and will be rude to me now. Just wondering AIbU to say no.

OP posts:
juneybean · 07/04/2010 09:07

YANBU sounds like my brother, don't back down on this.

QuintessentialShadow · 07/04/2010 09:07

Say no.

She is a grown up, she should be able to sort out money for parking. Or take a bus.

penguin73 · 07/04/2010 09:10

YANBU. Taking a child in a car unsecured would have been hugely unreasonable so if you are feeling guilty console yourself with the fact that you did the only acceptable thing in terms of child safety. She was being very unreasonable to put her child's life at risk in such a way!

Original poster
spookycharlotte121 · 07/04/2010 09:10

I just feel like I have already offered to have her dd...... why should i drive her there too. Im knackered. she has the rest of the day off but i doubt she will offer me any help.

I think i have woekn up on the wrong side of the bed this morning..... feel rubbish!

OP posts:
QuintessentialShadow · 07/04/2010 09:12

So why dont you bargain with her?

Say "ok, I will drive you and then look after your dd during the interview. But afterwards, I want you to help ME out for a few hours, take the kids out so I can have a rest"

cocobongo · 07/04/2010 09:13

She is taking advantage of you. At the very least, she could have asked you earlier as she must have known she didn't have money for parking. Anyway, you are already doing her a favour. She obviously is one of those people who take a mile if you give them an inch.

So- YANBU. You have several good reasons not to do it:

  • no room for car seat
  • you are exhausted
  • your dd is ill
  • very late notice

Think you need to stand up to her more. If she is rude, call her on it and remind her that you were already doing her a favour.

Coldhands · 07/04/2010 09:13

Don't feel guilty. She is trying to take advantage, doesn't she have a cople of quid for parking? Can pay petrol though! YANBU, you are already looking after her DD.

AmazingBouncingFerret · 07/04/2010 09:13

I would reply with the classic "do you want me to do the interview for you as well??" But I am rather childish!

2rebecca · 07/04/2010 09:15

She sounds very childish. She can pop into a nearby shop and change some money or borrow some from a neighbour. Tell her your kid is poorly and that she should have been more organised. I'm surprised she doesn't have a large tub of change in the house from her bloke emptying his pockets.

pigletmania · 07/04/2010 09:16

YANBU dont she is a grown woman and it just shows her lack of planning or organisation. Cant you lend her the money, if not tell her its illigal to carry a child who is not properly secured and that you cant do it. Dont back down, if the worse were to happen you could end up with a dead or injured child, and or a fine at the least if you are caught, just not worth it.

2rebecca · 07/04/2010 09:16

Actually if she's bringing her kid over can't you just lend her the money for the parking metre?

OTTMummA · 07/04/2010 09:17

if she is old enough to have a child and a car she is old enough to realise she needed to put some money aside for parking!

cheeky cow.

don't back down and don't take any crap of her for it either.

sarah293 · 07/04/2010 09:18

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FioFio · 07/04/2010 09:20

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sweetkitty · 07/04/2010 09:21

I would give her the lift on the condition that she looked after my two DC this afternoon so you can get some rest.

Favour for a favour and all that

Original poster
spookycharlotte121 · 07/04/2010 09:34

Im really strapped for money at the mo so I cant really lend it to her..... silly charlotte is a door mat. So many people owe me money at the mo Im about £1000 out of pocket. One is my mum who needed £500 as an emergency to fix something in her house and is paying me back £50 a month but the others including my sister who owes me £60 are proving rather difficult to get the money bk from.

Im stupid for lending it in the first place but people take advantage of the fact that I cant say no.

OP posts:
Original poster
spookycharlotte121 · 07/04/2010 09:36

Just so you know I am gradully getting better at saying no..... I just find it hard when people go on and make you feel guilty.

OP posts:
Coldhands · 07/04/2010 09:41

Your sister is definitely taking advantage then as she knows you can't say no. I understand, I find it hard too but I wouldn't do this or lend her the money tbh. She can sort out a couple of quid for something that she has had plenty of notice for.

Don't let her make you feel guilty. You haven't done anything wrong. You are doing her a favour anyway by having her DC when yours is ill.

pigletmania · 07/04/2010 09:44

Spooky please be assertive and stick up for yourself they are taking the P. Tell her about the carseat problem and no that you are not going to be responsibe use that as an excuse.

LIZS · 07/04/2010 09:45

Just say no - can't she claim travel expenses ? If she gets awkward tell her you can't have her dd either.

immortalbeloved · 07/04/2010 09:48

YANBU

Please say no and more importantly don't feel guilty about it!

If shes very rude I'd even threaten to withdraw the offer of childcare, you are already doing her a big favour, maybe she needs to be reminded of that

Hope your DD is feeling better soon

FioFio · 07/04/2010 09:52

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Original poster
spookycharlotte121 · 07/04/2010 09:53

niece is here now..... my sister is getting herself to the interview. Now I just need to get tough on people paying me bk money otherwise im in serious trouble!

OP posts:
Original poster
spookycharlotte121 · 07/04/2010 09:54

thanks for the aadvice..... having haad no sleep for so long i couldnt work out who was in the wrong.

OP posts:
compo · 07/04/2010 09:56

well done on not taking her

so did she have money for the carpark

hope she gets the job, sounds like she needs it although will you be her childcare?

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