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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to expect her to turn up on time?

51 replies

Waltons · 05/04/2010 21:57

I run a Beaver Scout Colony and one mum turns up late almost every week. The meeting runs for an hour, finishing at 6.30pm. She turns up at some time between 6.30 and 7pm depending on what else is going on in her life.

She has 3 kids and she says that I can't expect her to turn up dead-on time after each meeting because her life is unpredictable because of her husband's job. Anything can happen at short notice because he is a vet.

Last week she turned up 20 minutes late and I (finally) said to her "I hope you will try to prevent this happening again". I got a stream of abuse in return and I was quite upset.

AIBU or not seeing the point? A Mum's point of view please? I am a Mum myself, but with older children, and not a regular Mumsnetter.

Thank you!

OP posts:

ChasingSquirrels · 05/04/2010 22:00

It is unacceptable, and tbh I would be verging on telling her that unless she could turn up on time, then her son will no longer be able to attend.

Skegness · 05/04/2010 22:00

She is bang out of order.

thisisyesterday · 05/04/2010 22:01

no yanbu! i would say that unless she will pick him up on time then sadly you won't be able to accomodate him.

it isn't fair to expect you or anyone else to hang around waiting for her just because she can't get her arse in gear

i fail to see what her husbands job has to do with it either. surely all she has to do is get the kids in the car and come and get him???

Boys2mam · 05/04/2010 22:01

No YANBU at all.

I'm not sure the best way to handle this in a professional capacity but a wiser body than I shall be along in a minute

birdworthington · 05/04/2010 22:01

If it means you have to stay behind to look after him, I think you should tell her that unless she turns up on time he can't come anymore.

Why should you look after him for nothing and get a stream of abuse. This might shock her into turning up or she will withdraw him and it no longer becomes a problem.

JustMyTwoPenceWorth · 05/04/2010 22:02

No, you are not being unreasonable. she is taking the piss.

She is saying your time doesn't matter and you don't matter, you should just stay around until she decides to come for her child.

Not on.

I agree with the others - I'd be saying fetch him on time or don't bring him.

And to give you abuse! Well! Takes my breath away. Who does she think she is?

bigstripeytiger · 05/04/2010 22:03

Tell her that you would be delighted to look after her DS for as long as he need after beavers, your normal childcare rate is £50 per hour.

Boys2mam · 05/04/2010 22:04

plenty x-posts....

wukter · 05/04/2010 22:04

Wow. How rude. YANBU at all.

annh · 05/04/2010 22:06

I have heard some unbelievable stories from our Cub leader about the abuse she has received from parents over the years. She (just like you) is giving up lots of her free time to give our children a fun and rewarding time and some people just take the p*&^! I'm not sure I would even give her another chance if she has been consistently late and, much worse, given you abuse when you spoke to her about it. I wonder if the "unpredictability" of her husband's job is used an an excuse in any other situation like getting her children to school on time? Or just in situations where she thinks she can get away with it?!

outnumbered2to1 · 05/04/2010 22:08

Out of Order and YANBU. Its people like her that make me glad i don't volunteer at our Brownies Troop anymore. One mum would turn up anything from ten minutes to 45 minutes late apparently under the impression that the finish time was rough guide. And never a word of apology. I finally asked her if she was going to pay for the extra hour i needed to pay my babysitter when i was waiting for her to turn up to pick up her daughter....

ChippingIn · 05/04/2010 22:13

YANBU

I would tell her that she needs to arrange someone to be there at 6.30 or else her son cannot attend.

Unless you are prepared to take him home with you and have her collect him from your house - say £15 for the first hour and £10 ph after that...

Shit happens and we are all late somewhere, sometime, which puts someone out - but every bloody week is just rude. If her life makes it difficult to be places on time, it's her problem and if that restricts her childrens after school activities that is also her problem - not yours!!

Oh and in case that isn't clear enough YA NOT BU!!

GuntherMcKilocodie · 05/04/2010 22:19

YABU put a note on the door and send around a letter, stating that if a child is picked up late, you will charge £20 for the first ten minutes and £20 for each subsequent ten minutes. That's what my DD's nursery does. I wish I could do it for the amount of parents who take the piss turn up late to pick up their children from my class. It's got to the point where I tell them off, and I am quite scary.

GuntherMcKilocodie · 05/04/2010 22:21

Sorry YANBU not YABU. I don't know what's wrong with me ATM!

weluvhols · 05/04/2010 22:23

She is really taking advantage; she wouldn't get away with it at school or in any other clubs.
Perhaps you need the support of a senior member of scouting association to back you up here.
Could you send out a general letter reminding parents of rules including start and finishing times? Mention that those unable to stick by them will not be accomodated.

Original poster

Waltons · 05/04/2010 22:24

Bless you all, and thank you! I really appreciate the advice to a newbie on MN.

I was once one of those "cynical mums" and I ended up as a BSL, despite the voices around me at the time who were utterly horrid.

It was very hard work getting there - and it shouldn't be - but I love it.

Just as a joke, can anyone guess how much a Beaver Scout Leader is paid each term?

OT and I apologise.

OP posts:

strawberrykate · 05/04/2010 22:34

I have a policy with after school clubs, three strikes and you're out. First time I verbally explain situation, second time letter stating that if happens again will be automatically taken off club register. It works.
Did recently kick a child out though for a one-off late, who was picked up at 8pm from school!!!!!!!

jenduff · 05/04/2010 22:44

YANBU - she is so far out of order - I think strawberrykate's 3 strike policy is a good one - some people are just takers and unless you get tough with them they will abuse your kindness.

outnumbered2to1 · 05/04/2010 22:44

strawberry? did you say 8pm....? from an after school club?

SE13Mummy · 05/04/2010 22:48

Before doing this I'd check with a district commissioner/similar but then write to all parents along the lines of, "due to repeated incidences of parents being late to collect their children I have taken advice from the Distict Commissioner who has reminded me of the correct course of action. With effect from Xth April any child who is not collected at 6.30pm may be taken to the office of the borough's childrens team (social services) and left in their care. I appreciate that this may seem harsh to those of you who are always on time but the DC and I thought this was the fairest way to remind everyone of the likely action should parents fail to collect children on time. Please advise me in writing if there is another parent/adult whom you are willing for your child to be collected by in the event of your being delayed en route. Yours faithfully, X".

I think it's important that everyone is reminded of the finishing times and that it is clear you've taken advice from higher up about the consequences of not collecting on time. It may be that a formal(ish) letter will prompt this mother to make arrangements for another parent to collect her child if she can't do so on time.

strawberrykate · 05/04/2010 22:50

yes outnumbered. From a club that finished at 4pm. A record? 6pm was the previous worst.

fluffles · 05/04/2010 22:52

if a parent turns up late to collect their guide from my guides then they'll find us outside, in the dark (and sometimes rain) with the hall all locked up and everybody else gone home.

This is wet and cold for both the girl and myself but it usually guilts the parent into coming on time next week. i found that if we stayed in the warm, dry hall then the parents would just not take timekeeping seriously.

outnumbered2to1 · 05/04/2010 22:57

fuck me strawberry - what was the excuse?

BuzzingNoise · 05/04/2010 23:00

I think the idea of sending a letter out detailing costs of childcare past the end of the meeting is a good one. You could also put that abuse of staff will not be tolerated!

strawberrykate · 05/04/2010 23:04

None, regular 'I'll just be five min phonecalls'. It is the only time as a teacher I've sworn.

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