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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to expect her to turn up on time?

51 replies

Waltons · 05/04/2010 21:57

I run a Beaver Scout Colony and one mum turns up late almost every week. The meeting runs for an hour, finishing at 6.30pm. She turns up at some time between 6.30 and 7pm depending on what else is going on in her life.

She has 3 kids and she says that I can't expect her to turn up dead-on time after each meeting because her life is unpredictable because of her husband's job. Anything can happen at short notice because he is a vet.

Last week she turned up 20 minutes late and I (finally) said to her "I hope you will try to prevent this happening again". I got a stream of abuse in return and I was quite upset.

AIBU or not seeing the point? A Mum's point of view please? I am a Mum myself, but with older children, and not a regular Mumsnetter.

Thank you!

OP posts:
Fimbow · 05/04/2010 23:05

Is there not some law that if you exhaust phone numbers and can't get hold of anyone you can call social services to collect the child after 1/2hr elapses?

Maybe I dreamt that up, but you could threaten her with it??

outnumbered2to1 · 05/04/2010 23:06

how the hell does 5 minutes turn into 4 hours?

unless she was on Mumsnet? [hmmm]

BuzzingNoise · 05/04/2010 23:08

Fimbow, I think you are right. I'm not sure of the time, but there is something like that.

outnumbered2to1 · 05/04/2010 23:08

bugger why won't my smileys work

ah worked it out - had one too many "m"

mollymawk · 05/04/2010 23:08

Actually I suggest not putting a specific monetary price on being late (eg £20 per 10 mins etc). There is some research somewhere that showed that parents were more likely to be late when a system like this was put in place.

I think the only option is to say that she has to be on time or her son can't come any more. Hopefully (for him) this will work!

And good on you for being a leader! My DS1 loves Beavers!

MintHumbug · 05/04/2010 23:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

strawberrykate · 05/04/2010 23:11

Somebody always takes the mick sadly.
I wouldn't go down the money root, what will you do if she won't pay? We tred charging late parents, but they just don't pay.

Pikelit · 05/04/2010 23:12

The stream of abuse is reason enough for you to refuse to deal with her any longer. But YA certainly NBU in expecting someone to collect their child at the time that Beavers end and not when they can be bothered to wander along. I think you need to say, politely, that her son's place at Beavers is hanging by a thread since you will not tolerate another episode of lateness or rudeness. Do you have an Assistant Akela (or the Beavers equivalent) who could be with you when you deliver this ultimatum?

Also, while I'm not a great one for waving the 'Elf & Safety flag is there not an insurance issue about uncollected children left in your care after the official Beavers session times?

LaurieFairyCake · 05/04/2010 23:14

What do you mean they just 'don't pay'

surely if someone is late picking them up they just don't get to join the next week until the outstanding babysitting-for-last-week is paid?

MintHumbug · 05/04/2010 23:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Debs75 · 05/04/2010 23:15

My ds's transport operate a 'if you're not home when child is dropped off they will drop off rest of kids then come back. If you can't be contacted by 5.30pm then child will be at social services' DD's primary school also had that in place until they brought in as after school club.

I would do as some of the others suggested. Inform all parents of the corrrect pick-up time with a leeway of 15 mins. During that 15 mins you can pack-up and have everyone waiting outside. If parent complains then say you can't afford to keep hiring the hall for an extra half hour each week.
If that doesn't work inform parents of the 3 strike rule

strawberrykate · 05/04/2010 23:15

Social services are not likely to arrive any sooner I've learnt from experience, even in serious cases of child protection where we do not want to release a child to a waiting parent because of the serious nature of allegations. 7 pm in that case.
I've wanted to drop a child off at a police station before, but am unwilling to inflict that on a child.

strawberrykate · 05/04/2010 23:17

Laurie-read previous posts. If child is collected late from school we put them in after school club. But they refuse to pay. If we then refuse to put them in club we're back to square one.

BuzzingNoise · 05/04/2010 23:17

You're right, Strawberry, but the shock that they have been called might be enough to make the lady come to collect her child on time.

LaurieFairyCake · 05/04/2010 23:19

SK - only talking about in this case - Beavers - was not referring to teaching

OP - charge 'em - if they don't pay don't let them back in next week.

thumbchick · 05/04/2010 23:19

Goodness, am at this mother's behaviour! I like the 3 strikes and you're out policy but in her case I'd say she's on "sudden death" by now - especially after the abuse.

If she's so bloody pushed for time why can't she ask another parent to pick up her DS for her? (maybe she's worn out all favours with all other parents as well though).

And strawberrykate, that 8pm-er is outrageous!

I feel for the children involved, I really do - my Mum was a habitual late person as well and actually forgot to pick me up from things sometimes - one teen party in particular sticks with me, the family all wanted to go to bed and I volunteered to sit outside on the garden wall but they wouldn't let me, insisted I stay indoors with them in their PJs. Embarrassing to the hilt.

SE13Mummy · 05/04/2010 23:21

SS are very slow to appear themselves, hence my suggestion that you deliver leftover children to them. I've done it before (with a colleague) for children not collected from school by 6pm.

strawberrykate · 05/04/2010 23:22

Ok Laurie, sorry.

thumbchick, it's horrible for the kids. They tend to get all the moaning and crap as they're the ones who are present to hear it.

strawberrykate · 05/04/2010 23:25

I wouldn't reccommend delivering a child anywhere. The legal implications if you then had an accident are huge. Also your insurance may not be valid if they claim it's a work related trip (even volunteer work). You have no permission to take someone else's child anywhere and you could get yourself in real hot water if you did. It's a risk not worth taking.

SE13Mummy · 05/04/2010 23:34

I wouldn't recommend it either by it was 7pm and the Deputy Head had the correct insurance to allow her to carry children in her car for school business/whatever the terminology is and it was before the booster seat regulations came in. We followed the advice we were given by SS and the LEA legal department (having had to make alternative arrangements for our own children ages before 7pm).

On other occasions we walked a child home to his mother (they lived in the block opposite the school) and handed him over - her phone had been cut off (before everyone had mobiles) hence the lack of response and she'd forgotten she was meant to collect him. Had no-one been home we'd have contacted SS for him too.

Original poster
Waltons · 05/04/2010 23:36

Crumbs!

I had no idea what a post on Mumsnet could do!

Once again, thank you all.

I feel a whole lot better for your replies.

Not sure what smilies are appropriate, but I like the biscuit and the bunnies!

Please can I post the bunny ears regardless of context?

OP posts:
strawberrykate · 05/04/2010 23:41

I'm sure SE that you made a professional judgement in your case, I'm just clarifying it's not something the OP wuld be wise to do.

maryz · 05/04/2010 23:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

scaryteacher · 06/04/2010 07:12

I have this with a Youth Club I run. We finish at 2200, but time and again I am there until 2300 waiting for parents who think it is OK to be late and despite phone calls don't turn up. It is invariably the parents driving cars with diplomatic plates who swan up when they feel like it without an apology. We are now having a 2 strikes and you're out policy.

jenduff · 06/04/2010 08:33

Wow these people are shockingly rude.