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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to punch my SIL

40 replies

DashingRedhead · 05/04/2010 21:18

On Easter Sunday, I, DH and our two DC went to my parents for lunch, as did my bro and sil, plus their DD. DH made a beautiful cake for pudding (Nigella's chocolate pistachio). It was iced with chocolate ganache and decorated with crushed pistachios, looked lovely and tasted delicious. SIL, who has bad manners at any time, said that the cake looked like it was covered in bird droppings.

I find this objectionable on so many levels that I don't really know where to start. My main complaints though are: i) that it is just effing rude; ii) it is an extremely bad-taste remark to make at the table; and iii) my SIL is one of the laziest people I know and I don't think it is for her to criticise other peoples' work.

Please tell me I'm not over-reacting.

OP posts:
MrsWobbleTheWaitress · 05/04/2010 21:20

Depends how it was said!

Sounds like the sort of thing I would say, but not with contempt, just to tease.

At first I thought it was your DH's sister, in which case you would be being unreasonable - normal sibling banter IMO. But I see it was your brother's wife.

I think yes, rude, if it was said contemptuously, but not at all if said in jest and with love.

greenasgrass · 05/04/2010 21:21

Rude, rude, rude. YANBU in the slightest. Presumably she thought she was being clever and grown up.

IMoveTheStars · 05/04/2010 21:21

I think you're worrying about this a bit too much, forget about it

Course it was rude, but don't let it bother you!

Alouiseg · 05/04/2010 21:21

I'd be furious!

I bet that you thought of lots of witty putdowns after the event?

Make an effigy and stick pins in it, you won't get in trouble for doing that but punching her is a bit of a risk.

bumpybecky · 05/04/2010 21:22

very rude of SIL

I hope you didn't let her have any of it!

compo · 05/04/2010 21:23

I bet there's tons of history
otherwise that one remark wouldn't still be riling over 24 hours later

Mowgli1970 · 05/04/2010 21:24

YANBU my sil is exactly the same - I could write a book about her rude comments (eg on my wedding day "You look pale in that photo which is strange as you had LOADS of make up on") I regularly want to scream at her. You sil is probably jealous and unhappy with low self-esteem. Anyone who feels the need to make others miserable should be pitied (and ranted about on here!

JustMyTwoPenceWorth · 05/04/2010 21:24

Do you have the sort of relationship where you tease each other?

Because that's the sort of thing I could see myself saying to my sister

Do you know what she'd reply? "Well, don't have any then, pest-rat."

Easy. "Well, more for me." "Oh, your portion does " "Cheeky! You can have an apple now!"

FabIsGettingThere · 05/04/2010 21:24

You should have said "well you don't have to eat any of it" cheeky cow.

Fel1x · 05/04/2010 21:24

sounds like a joke that just fell abit flat?
the sort of thing i'd probably do [foot in mouth emoticon]

MorrisZapp · 05/04/2010 21:25

Was she joking? Or expressing actual disgust with the cake?

OrmRenewed · 05/04/2010 21:26

Blimey! I'd say that to DB and he'd laugh.

How odd.

MrsSawdust · 05/04/2010 21:28

She sounds a bit ignorant. And very rude, yes.

Original poster
DashingRedhead · 05/04/2010 21:30

MrsW - it so wasn't said with love or in jest. Apart from anything else she doesn't make jokes.

Compo - you are right, there is a lot of history. She is a taker and a graceless taker and I am finding it harder to bite back the rude retorts these days, but in my parents' house I feel I ought to try as if I said what I really thought it would upset them. They probably agree it was rude, but don't like rows.

OP posts:
Greensleeves · 05/04/2010 21:32

gah, my sister is like this

"Oh greensleeves, you've been so clever with the decor in here, it hardly seems pokey at all"

I wouldn't have given her a piece, I'd have said "yours is on the shed roof, here's a shovel" [bitch]

Original poster
DashingRedhead · 05/04/2010 21:34

Orm - it's not siblings here. It's my brother's wife making a comment about a cake my husband made. I agree between siblings it can be different and you may well have that kind of relationship. But she is not on those terms with me or DH.

OP posts:
DinahRod · 05/04/2010 21:36

1)conspicuously start keeping a tally of all her rude comments
2)take a £5 bet that she'll be rude within a certain time limit and loser pays up in front of her (she'll definitely ask!)
3)all fall silent and stare at her

activate · 05/04/2010 21:37

I don't get why people don't pull other people up when they are this rude

a short "well that was rude" would have settled the situation and stopped you festering. She will also be taught that was an inappropriate thing to say and given the opportunity to apologise for it

But instead, nobody said anything and you all festered

How peculiarly anglo-saxon

Original poster
DashingRedhead · 05/04/2010 21:41

Activate - you are so right. I will do exactly that next time. I think I am too worried about upsetting my parents, who are noticeably different in how they treat both my SILs (with kid gloves) as opposed to DH. Partly because they get on much better with DH, but the result is the same.

OP posts:
GuntherMcKilocodie · 05/04/2010 21:43

Yes agree with activate "do you realise that you said that out loud?" usually embarrasses and is innocuous enough that you don't sound like a cow bag yourself.

someonehasmyname · 05/04/2010 21:43

YANBU - very rude, in very poor taste. I am with Activate, I tend to immediately come out with "well, that was rude!" which generally embarrasses the person enough to stop any further comments.

pamelat · 05/04/2010 21:55

Not unreasonable. If it was his sister (which is what I first thought) then that could be fine in context, sibling jokes etc.

However, very rude to say to your husband

I would have said "oh good, so you wont be having any, more for us" and smirked away

ClaudiaSchiffer · 05/04/2010 22:59

hahahahha Activate and Gunther, that is brilliant.

OP spend a bit of time thinking up ways to make sil suffer, it's what i do about my evil sil. I know it's wrong and mean blah blah blah but my sil is an utter witch, and I love imagining her suffer some terrible accident

strawberrykate · 05/04/2010 23:36

I just wouldn't offer her any or show the slightest reaction. If she asked for some I'd look surprised and say 'but you think it looks horrible'.

OrmRenewed · 06/04/2010 08:00

Ohhhh... sorry. Didin't read properly.

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