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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

i know i am but im hormonal and i dont care

53 replies

starshaker · 05/04/2010 20:41

Took dd out for dinner today and everywhere i looked were happy shiny people, couples to be exact. They were everywhere. I was the only person in the place without an other half.
I know im being a grouchy cow but it just feels really unfair and like somebody is trying to rub it in that im on my own

OP posts:

Aussieng · 05/04/2010 20:49

Aww Star sorry you are feeling so down. Bank hols and the light evenings can be rubbish for rubbing in singledom! But half of the couples in there were probably miserable with each othere and there were probably as many women sitting at home p*ssed off because their other half went out last night got drunk and then ruined their bank holiday sleeping off a hangover - at least you just got up, pleased yourself and took you and your lovely DD out for the day.

Hope things get better for you soon. xx

Original poster

starshaker · 05/04/2010 21:00

Just having a shitty day really. Been thinking alot which is not a good idea

OP posts:

RebeccaRabbit · 05/04/2010 21:07

YABU - families are allowed to enjoy a meal out on a bank holiday.

Aussie - you paint a bleak picture of married/family life in this country

Original poster

starshaker · 05/04/2010 21:19

RR i know im being unreasonable and i wish i was 1 of those happy shiny people but im also realistic and know that some people can have the happy family with a great partner, great kids and everything else and im just 1 of those people that cant. I have a fantastic dd and 2 gorgeous babies on the way but i know i will never have the great partner. Its not true that there is somebody out there for everybody and im gonna assume that you are 1 of the lucky ones who has got a great partner.

OP posts:

Original poster

starshaker · 05/04/2010 22:03

just feeling sorry for myself and hormones seem to be taking over

OP posts:

JustMyTwoPenceWorth · 05/04/2010 22:05

Everyone's allowed days like this.xx

EffieB · 05/04/2010 22:10

Starshaker, it can be grim as anything when faced with 'couple-world', and if you're feeling hormonal then I'm not surprised it got to you. Like TwoPence said, days feeling like this totally allowed, and lucky your DD having a lovely Mum who takes her out for dinner.

outnumbered2to1 · 05/04/2010 22:13

hey star..... when i get like that i delight in a massive bear hug pile on with my two DS's. Nothing makes me feels better than a "mummy sandwich"

Original poster

starshaker · 05/04/2010 22:15

Im just trying to do everything we can together before the twins arrive. Been told by many people that she will be pretty much left out when i have 2 babies to deal with and its not like there is anybody else who can give her the attention she needs, its all up to me and its scary

OP posts:

ChippingIn · 05/04/2010 22:18

Starshaker - I saw a great card the other day, it had a woman lying on the couch, glass of wine, bar of chocolate and the caption was 'Not married yet' and underneath 'No, just lucky I guess'

It's shitty being on your own when you don't want to be, but honestly, it's not all roses in a relationship either (as you know!!).

I am sure it's just your hormones making you feel like you are unable to be in a relationship.

Try to enjoy your DD and your pregnancy and not think too much - it's bad for your brain!!

EffieB · 05/04/2010 22:21

I see what you mean but if you're thinking, and acting, like that now then you absolutely won't be leaving her out when the twins come, because you've got the thoughfulness and the caringness (as today showed) to head that off and do as much as you can for her (which is the most any of us can do for our kids). I bet it's scary though with twins coming, and not knowing yet how that'll change things.

ChippingIn · 05/04/2010 22:26

Starshaker - some people should learn to keep their mouth shut if they can't say something helpful. Of course you know that your DD wont have as much time with you as she does now - but you don't need people banging on about it.

She is a 'big girl' and if you make her feel important and a very special helpful big sister - then there's no reason for her to feel left out. Especially if you make a point of having a few minutes each day for 'Big Girls Time'.

Original poster

starshaker · 05/04/2010 22:27

Its knowing i need to do it all totally alone. I have no idea how i will cope after the section (been pretty much told thats how they are coming out) with a 5 year old and 2 newborns. I dont have family suport and when i say im alone thats exactly what i mean. There is nobody i can get help from. I do get help from homestart but she cant be there all the time. And it probably sounds stupid but i dont want somebody for the kids i want somebody for me. I want to matter to somebody.

OP posts:

QOD · 05/04/2010 22:31

Keep posting on here - there is always someone around to lean on and matter to.

FYI I would always be out enjoying meal etc with dd, as dh won't go out anywhere with us...........

thisisyesterday · 05/04/2010 22:32

starshaker, do you have family close by?

is there any possibility you could move to be closer to your family?

you know, this weekend I was wishing i was single and not one of those couples... grass is often greener i suppose. It msut seem scary with twins on the way, and feeling it's all down to you, but I am sure you'll be a great mum to all 3 of them!

(as a slight aside, you can have a VB for twins if you want to (unless other medical issues))

liahgen66 · 05/04/2010 22:35

star I don't want to offend you but have you thought of having a post natal Doula.

The hardship fund might be able to help after the birth, and as a Doula is there mostly for you, it sounds like it could work out.

Where in the country are you? You sound a bit down.

doula uk

maristella · 05/04/2010 22:36

you already do matter to somebody
everything that's ahead of you seems really daunting, i'm not surprised you are feeling the pressure and wishing for more support.
have you got support for your dd for the birth?
i hope everything goes really really well for you x

Original poster

starshaker · 05/04/2010 22:36

tiy my family live about 300 miles away and as dd's dad shows some interest (and she loves her dad) i cant take her away.
They think 1 of the placentas is too low and is basically covering the exit hole. Or it was at my last scan anyway

OP posts:

liahgen66 · 05/04/2010 22:39

I would try not to worry too much about the birth just yet, tis very common for palcenta to be low at this stage, I guess their concern is slightly less chance of it moving as there is less room due to being 2 babies. However, not inconceivable.

Is twins dad involved (feel free to ignore if too private)

Original poster

starshaker · 05/04/2010 22:41

liah im in ayrshire and have looked into a doula but cant seem to get hold of her. I feel down at the moment, keep crying for no reason, well other than the hormones.

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thisisyesterday · 05/04/2010 22:43

ahh well fingers crossed that placenta moves then! and if not then you'll be fine too, becuases you just will be because you're a mum and that's what mums do

would your own mum or anyone else be able to come and stay for a while after the birth? or would you be able to go and stay with them for a few weeks?

Original poster

starshaker · 05/04/2010 22:43

Twins dad is not even admiting im even pregnant. However have been told some things about him and i will fight to keep him out of our life

OP posts:

liahgen66 · 05/04/2010 22:49

oh dear, well you do what is right to keep you and your dc safe.

Do you want to emal me your post code, I might be able to help look into a Doula for you.

l c t w a l t e r s at sky dot com

pbviously miss out spaces.

Original poster

starshaker · 05/04/2010 22:58

Liah thank you for that, have now emailed you

OP posts:

ChippingIn · 05/04/2010 23:11

starshaker - as the twins father doesn't want to acknowledge your pregnancy all the better - father unknown on BC's! Sounds like you are well shot of him.

I don't envy your position at all. It's natural to want to be doing the parenting with someone else - especially when you have one small child and have twins on the way!! That's a lot for one person totally on their own. However, people do cope and you will too!!

Make life as easy as you can - buy ready meals or cook in bulk, have basic meals, sleep when you can, do the basics to keep the house clean, don't worry about it being messy and accept any help offered!!

Get to know some of DD's school friends and Mums, have a few playdates now and then when the twins come they can have your DD a bit for you and after a bit you can start having them at yours (it's easier when they have a friend to play with and still have a bit of a life of their own!). Hopefully you will actually make friends with the Mums too!

We are always here for a chat, which I know isn't really what you want right now, but at least you are not totally alone x

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