i know i am but im hormonal and i dont care

[starshaker]

Took dd out for dinner today and everywhere i looked were happy shiny people, couples to be exact. They were everywhere. I was the only person in the place without an other half.
I know im being a grouchy cow but it just feels really unfair and like somebody is trying to rub it in that im on my own

Star - sorry if my initial response sounded harsh. If I were in your position then I would move closer to family even if it meant taking DD further from her dad. You need taking care of so that you can take care of your three children.

Three children, no partner. This is something you chose so you have to make it work. You have to let that drive you on. Sometimes our choices lead us down difficult roads but knowing it is your choice can give you the strength to make it work.

star, as an older sister with twin sibs (4y gap), I can tell you that you already sound as though you are going to be ok managing your DD. Involve her as much as you can BUT always remember she is still a little girl herself.

While it is a good idea to have her help out if she wants to, I found that it placed quite a large "time to grow up now" burden on me, and I resented my twin sibs for that. I know there is always the risk of older sib/younger sib resentment in any situation and it is down to the parenting how it is avoided. I didn't get the choice of "if I wanted to" - I just had to help out.

So - let her help out but try not to interfere with her own child-time, iyswim - she is still only little, don't turn her into a mini-mum (unless she wants to of course!) I think that's half the battle, be led by her, as much as is practicable and comfortable for you. Obviously if she refuses to have anything to do with them (unlikely because you sound lovely) then some intervention will be needed - but otherwise let her join in at her own pace.

I probably sound like a right selfish cow there - just trying to give my child perspective on it though. Hope it helps.

Hope you can get some more assistance from somewhere, sounds like you really could do with it - isn't there one single member of your family who would be prepared to come and stay with you for a bit after the birth?

probonbon yeah silly me, i chose for my ex husband to cheat on me and the guy i was seeing to turn out a violent woman beater who luckily doesnt want anything to do with the twins. Hardly a choice

< ahem >

I think probonbon meant well, at least

Pro...short and pithy responses are all well and good, but might be best to make 'em supportive ones, eh

I thought "you made your bed, now lie in it" was the preserve of snotty, judgememental types, meself

star...you sound very overwhelmed and hormonal but you have every right to feel that way, I hope you have a better day today x

I'm not saying "you made your bed now lie in it".

I'm saying that self pity is pointless once choices have been made, and the very fact of that can be a great driver towards future contentment and pulling oneself up out of a hole. Even counting one's blessings. You are going to be a mother to three, which is amazing, completely amazing. You will be in a loving family of four. You live in a country where they will be supported, housed and educated.

Stop looking at the negatives. You have to get help with childcare after a section so it's no good thinking, oh, I haven't got this, I haven't got that, haven't got a boyfriend, whatever. You have to look into what childcare is available, talk to the midwife, social services, anyone who can help. There is no point in thinking, I want to be a shiny happy person, it's not fair. I'm sorry about your first husband, but your second pregnancy is a choice and you have a chance now to make the most of your situation and build a solid family.

Things just won't happen if you spend all your time thinking about what you haven't got.

won't your mum come to stay once the twins are born?

My little sister is pregnant aswell so my mum will be up there making sure her life is easier. Ive already been told that she cant take anymore time off work.
I know im feeling sorry for myself and i will manage cos i have no other option but to manage

I'm in Lanarkshire. Could try and help out?

Isnt Mears down that way? Has anyone seen her recently?

Make it better than "no other option".

Make it a good choice. Only you can. You'll find resources you didn't know you had. But you can make a success of it.

Make it better than "no other option".

Make it a good choice. Only you can. You'll find resources you didn't know you had. But you can make a success of it.

Giraffes may be able to help out - will keep an eye out for her.

Might be worth posting in Glasgow local section?

Is there a local college or secondary school which runs a child care/nursery nurse course? They might know of students who would want work experience (you could get them changing nappies/winding/bathing) or would work for a nominal sum.

Have you tried HomeStart? I tried to find their website but the best I could do was this.

Good luck and unmumsnetty . How long have you got left?

Having a better day although have come across a new issue lol
Took my car to halfords to get car seats fitted to see the easiest way to do it and........ there is no way. I cant put dd in the front as it has an airbag and cant be switched off and there is no way to fit 2 baby seats and a booster in the back. Basically they told me the only way i can transport all children safely is get a new car.

truth i already get help from homestart as my midwife put me in touch with them when i found out it was twins. Have contacted local college and they said they couldnt help or reccomend any students

What kind of car do you have?

Can you contact local garage to see if they can turn airbag off?

i have a megane (old shape) and they said they could turn the airbag off but it would mean all the airbags wouldnt work. I would also need to sign a form with them and my insurance company to say that if anybody was hurt in my car (my fault or not) then i take full reponsability and my insurance would not cover injury to anybody. Not something im willing to risk

What car do you have? This shop has a car seat fitter as recommended by KidexLtd who is based in East Kilbride. You could also try giving these ladies a call. They have data on what fits in which car (when we went to have DD3's seat fitted before she was born they took a note of the configuration of car seats and what car we had for their records)

Also on the student front maybe stick an ad in the local newsagents window for a mother's help?

ok so more problems, and more ways to overcome them

put an ad in the local college, if they will let you

heck, put an ad in the local rag, asking for people doing childcare courses and interested in helping out with newborn twins

car-wise, you'll have to do without if you can't afford a new car. so find out about public transport etc.

see if you are eligible for any grants to do with pregnancy/new babies anything like that. call CAB if necessary to find out what you might be entitled to.

sell old car and put money aside.

we bought a renault scenic for just under £3k. about 5 years ago. you'd be able to pick one up for a lot less than that now, and we could fit 3 seats across the back in that.

are your parents willing to lend/give you any money? if you don't ask you don't get. if they are then you coulld use it towards post-natal doula, or new car

btw, i wouldnb't trust halfords to fit my car seats anyway! so def seek second opinions!

I cant be without a car, it really isnt an option as we live in a tiny village. It will just mean we cant use the car at weekends when dd is there. I will get the maternity grant of £1000 and the £190 healthy start thing. That should cover most of the baby costs. If i can come up with a plan for my grandad he may take out finance for a car for me as long as i can afford to pay for it.
My parents owe me money and have never once helped me out financially its always been the other way around. I know there is no chance i will see any of it again.

But the good thing is today its not stressing me out. I know its not going to be easy but i know i will do my best and will make sure dd and the babies are happy healthy and well looked after even if it means i dont sleep for the first 3 years lol

Legally if you can't fit three seats in the back safely you don't need to use on for the eldest, depends how you feel but it is an option.

It's not against the law for a child to travel in the front seat in a forward facing car seat. You would have to move the seat back as far as you can though to make it safer.

What seat does your DD ride in?

look into the scrappage scheme starshaker. might not be worth it as you'd need the money to afford repayments on a new car, but you'd save £2k on the price....

worth a look anyway

bear in mind though that halfords don't stock ALL car seats. so, just because the ones they had didn't fit, doesn't mean none will

in mothercare they sold me a graco highback booster for ds1 becasue they said it was the narrowest. it may well be, but because of the arms on it it wouldn't fit in with my other 2 seats

so we went for the britax adventure, which may (or may not) be slightly wider, but fits fine as no arms!

it's trial and error lol

I was thinking the same as others about lack of car seat. At 5/6 it wouldnt be the worst thing to have your dd in the front on a booster seat with the seat as far back as it will go?

she is in a booster. It is an option but its the thought of the airbag going off and since she wears glasses it could do even more damage. Will look into it and see if putting the seat all the way back is far enough away to stop her coming into contact with the airbag at all