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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my Bil and Sis should be a bit firmer with their DC?

41 replies

fifitot · 05/04/2010 17:39

We have just come back from visiting Bil and Sil. They have 2 kids, 1 is 14 so we don't really see much of him when we visit, other 6. IMo they are quite indulgent parents and the kids are a bit 'spoiled' - to use a word I don't really like.

As is usual we take Easter eggs and a smallish present for the children and they reciprocate with ours. My DS is pretty easy going and is happy to get any present and also younger which is probably significant. My 6 year old nephew is a stroppy little so and so though- he just rips open the present, says ' have got this' then dumps it, looks once at the egg and says, I don't like 'Spiderman' and goes out of the room.

No thanks to us and in laws just smile indulgently. If it were my kids I would be really annoyed. Same thing happens at birthdays and Xmas - he is really ungrateful and they don't do anything about it. I thnk he pretty much gets everything he wants so if something isn't a real bobby dazzler of a present he is disappointed.

DH thinks it's just his age and I shouldn't be bothered but tbh to be faced with this every xmas, birthday and easter makes me not want to bother!

Any thoughts?

OP posts:
MitchyInge · 05/04/2010 17:42

did you say your son was much younger? hopefully you will not be in for a rude awakening at some point

would be mortified if one of mine forgot such basic courtesy at that or any age, but probably wouldn't lose a lot of sleep over someone else's child behaving like that

janeite · 05/04/2010 17:43

I agree - he behaved rudely and I would be annoyed that his parents didn't address that. My children are 14 and 12 and would never be so ungrateful: if they were, they'd soon know about it!

ElleBing · 05/04/2010 17:44

YANBU. Age is bugger all to do with it. Your sister and BIL need to teach their children some grace. They'd baulk at an adult behaving so horribly about a gift they weren't happy with and IMO children should be expected to show pretty much the same degree of manners as we would expect from a grown-up. "They're only ... years old" isn't a concession, IMO.

Bainmarie · 05/04/2010 17:48

YANBU! 6 is old enough to have manners.

KurriKurri · 05/04/2010 17:49

I'd say something myself ranging from 'that's not a very nice thing to say' to 'that's fine. I'll take it home and give it to a little boy who does like spiderman' depending on my mood, but then I am horrid

pigletmania · 05/04/2010 17:52

YANBU at all why did the parents not do anything just sit there and smile like idiots while their son was very rude. I would have said to the DS havent you forgotten somthing? (meaning thank you) its polite to say thank you when you recieve something) he is old enough to know basic manners. Even my 3 year old says thank you when she recieves something, I am a stickler for manners and would not allow that to happen.

pigletmania · 05/04/2010 17:53

Kurri good idea! I should have thought of that.

janeite · 05/04/2010 17:56

Kurri - v good suggestion.

MintHumbug · 05/04/2010 17:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
fifitot · 05/04/2010 17:59

I might try Kurri's idea actually! My DS is 4 and while he needs prompting sometimes he will usually say thanks and is pretty happy with any present.

Other relatives have moaned about this too so it's not just us he does it to.

It's not a big deal in the scheme of things I guess but does make me think the parents need to get a grip.....but that's up to them. As some of you say, I would be mortified if any of my kids acted like that.

OP posts:
CirrhosisByTheSea · 05/04/2010 18:05

I agree with Kurri's approach. I guess you have to keep giving the odd gift in order to give the child a chance - you never know, it might improve! - but yes the moment he said he didn't like something, I would ensure he knew it would be going to someone who did like it.

I think that if nothing else will probably teach him to at least keep quiet on getting a gift, if he can't go so far as to be actually polite.

pigletmania · 05/04/2010 18:15

My dd does need prompting though at times and is not good when she is not well. But we persevere with the please and thank yous and when my dh and i speak together in front of dd we are always polite and say please and thank you, but when she is in bed we rip each others heads off

Slartybartfast · 05/04/2010 18:17

deffo put him straight,. he is your nephew after all.

BritFish · 05/04/2010 18:28

id have bollocked my two at that age. costs nothing to say please dontcha know
id have leaned in and gone oh, "i'll take that back then!"
did this to a relatives child recently, he was being a stroppy little so and so, his dad was being an arse, so i did it and my mum later sent me a text saying she raised me well

Triggles · 05/04/2010 18:31

fiftot - wait until your DC is older. I'm sure there will be times that he will do things that others don't approve of as well, and they will be judging you. Granted, the behaviour wasn't polite, but can you honestly say your child is always going to be polite? Trust me - they choose the most embarrassing times to be stroppy.

pigletmania · 05/04/2010 18:32

Britfish good on you!

pigletmania · 05/04/2010 18:33

Triggles the parents sitting there are doing nothing, I would have been mortified, they are the adults and should have corrected their ds fgs.

activate · 05/04/2010 18:35

What you do is say "Oh Ok then we'll take it back and give them to someone who'll like them" pick up the pieces and put them in your car then carry on with your visit

pigletmania · 05/04/2010 18:37

Well no activate not if it in peices why not he has to learn the hard way, his parents are not showing him.

activate · 05/04/2010 18:40

i don't understand that sentence - sorry piglet

cat64 · 05/04/2010 18:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

lovechoc · 05/04/2010 18:46

YANBU - that's just plain rude. DS is nearly 3yo and I have drummed it into him to say please and thank you at every opportunity. It's basic manners that every child should learn.

At your nephew's age he should have mastered the art of please and thank you's a while ago!!

lovechoc · 05/04/2010 18:48

agree with Kurri too

RunawayWife · 05/04/2010 18:48

I would die if my kids behaved like that, clearly your in laws are making a rod for their own backs.
I detest rude children

lovechoc · 05/04/2010 18:50

I would also be mortified if DS was that age (old enough to speak up for himself and be polite) and chose not to be mannerable in front of relatives or even strangers. It just shows you up as a parent, that you haven't taught them basic manners. Can your DH not have word with his brother?

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