Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think DP is being a bit previous in considering where DD may go to secondary school?

40 replies

dilemma456 · 04/04/2010 19:44

Message withdrawn

OP posts:
pjmama · 04/04/2010 19:51

I've already decided that one of mine is going to Oxford and will go on to invent calorie-free chocolate and a cure for PMS. The other is going to be a world famous pop star and make millions so they can buy me a mansion and a nice eye-candy gardener for me to leer at in my old age. They're only 3.6 at the moment, but I don't see any harm in planning ahead!

helyg · 04/04/2010 19:51

My SIL gave birth to her children in a specific hospital (not in her borough) in the hope that it would help get them into her chosen secondary school.

IMHO YANBU, but there are people even worse than your DP!

EggcentricaGallumbits · 04/04/2010 19:52

unfortunately mine were born in swindon so both orxfrod and marrying into royalty is out.

BitOfFun · 04/04/2010 19:53

He is being sensible, probably.

pointydog · 04/04/2010 19:54

He's thinking long term but not unreasonable. Why not ponder it

UniS · 04/04/2010 19:57

He is NBU. I took secondary school into consideration when we moved with a pre schooler. Wanted to end up some where that was in catchment for an 11-18 school rather than a 11-16 school. Also wanted to be a shortish bus trip from secondary rather than an hour or a bus plus connecting taxi situation ( rural area, its not uncommon).

titch7069 · 04/04/2010 19:57

Oh indulge him, at least he's interested, which having read some threads on MN the last few days is more than most. but yanbu who knows where you might be in 7-8yrs, has he considered what happens if you have to move?

emsyj · 04/04/2010 19:57

Our DD is still in utero and we have discussed it.... Schools were a factor in deciding where to buy our house as we planned to have a family and we live in an area of the country that still has grammar schools. So we bought in the catchment area so that we'd have the chance at our child/ren being able to go to them cos they're excellent schools. He is not being unreasonable IMO.

Original poster
dilemma456 · 04/04/2010 19:58

Message withdrawn

OP posts:
Asana · 04/04/2010 20:00

Hmmm, I kind of already know what schools I would like my DS to go to (for both primary and secondary). If it helps, they're both private and I would want to plan ahead to get a rough idea of fees etc.

Although I should probably mention that I've already found DS his future wife

farmerjones · 04/04/2010 20:01

he is being sensible. forward planning is essential

bottleofwineandastrawplease · 04/04/2010 20:01

I must agree that I don't think he is wrong to consider secondary school at this age. I have been thinking about my DC future education pretty much since the day they were born, and with the state of education in this country it is important.

My DS is just about to turn 7yo and I am already seeking tutors to prepare him for grammer school entrance exams etc. Its a dog eat dog world out there and if you want your kids to get a good education without bancrupting yourself then you need to think about these things now. I am not looking forward to the day that I have to start thinking qbout my DD(4yo) and tutors etc for her. Thats not that far away.

If it makes you feel any better my DH thinks I'm mad and being a bit previous about the whole thing.

LittleMrsHappy · 04/04/2010 20:02

We have already decided on what school ds1 will be going to if he continues being with the sporty mindset.

He loves sport, all sport, knows all football teams and also most players and also positions, adores snooker and darts.

Loves tennis and trampolining, he attends football on a Sunday morning, and also judo, tennis and basketball lessons throughout term time.

he will be going to the local sports academy school as this at this moment in times suits him.

Clearly it may be different when it comes to secondary age, but for now he will be going their.

Hes four tbh.

MaureenMLove · 04/04/2010 20:02

Ridiculous! (although humour him for now!) There is absolutely no telling what his chosen school is going to be like in 5 years time!

When dd was in reception, I wouldn't have dreamed of sending her to the school she is at. It was shit and in special measures. However, the year she joined, it had just moved up to Outstanding and has been absolutely fantastic.

The same could happen the other way.

MaureenMLove · 04/04/2010 20:03

Ridiculous! (although humour him for now!) There is absolutely no telling what his chosen school is going to be like in 5 years time!

When dd was in reception, I wouldn't have dreamed of sending her to the school she is at. It was shit and in special measures. However, the year she joined, it had just moved up to Outstanding and has been absolutely fantastic.

The same could happen the other way.

foreverastudent · 04/04/2010 20:03

IMO more parents should think about these things this farin advance. It amazes me that some parents leave it to the last minute to choose schools.

LynetteScavo · 04/04/2010 20:03

Your DH is very sensible...you need to get in the right location, or get the fees sorted. Or maybe even convert to another faith but you need to think about these things now.

My D is 4, and I'm already planning her wedding.

Milliways · 04/04/2010 20:04

We moved when DD was 18m, and had the choice of 2 similar houses. It was only years later that I realised the other house, .25 of a mile away, was in a FAB secondary school catchment and we were in a dump school area, and ending up moving (same year as said school closed down as totally failing).

That being said, schools change, and Heads change, so we could have chosen other house for all the wrong reasons and ended up with another problem school.

Enjoy Primary

Original poster
dilemma456 · 04/04/2010 20:07

Message withdrawn

OP posts:
cory · 05/04/2010 09:28

It depends on what kind of education you both have in mind. If you are likely to go for the kind of private school where the fees are more than an average income, then nothing could be more sensible than planning ahead. And that kind of place is probably fairly stable, so you can know year ahead that that's what you're going to be wanting.

If you are looking at a state secondary otoh, then they can and do change very rapidly, so what seems like the only possible choice when your dd is 4 may be a complete no-no by the time she gets to Yr 6.

as for grammar, it is helpful if you don't set your hearts too firmly on this until you have established that your dd is actually grammar school material: nothing more sad than a child struggling desperately to become something she is not. Intensive tutoring can of course help to get a child into grammar school- but they've then got to cope with being in grammar school.

biddyofsuburbia · 05/04/2010 09:45

I don't think it's unreasonable to know what the options may be in the future, but I think it's a bit silly to say you've 'decided' before you even know what kind of child your DD will be at 11, what her talents / interests / needs pastorally may be. Mine are 5 and 3 and I do take an interest in what the secondary schools are like / reputation / ethos etc. but I have no idea really how academic / sporty the DCs will be or what kind of school will suit them best at 11 or 13 not to mention that things can change rapidly in education so I do think it is a bit previous to set my heart on a secondary school at this stage!

Rockbird · 05/04/2010 09:48

I don't think it's unreasonable. DD is only 2 and she has a place at the school kindergarten. We are already signing forms at Mass to prove we actually go there so that she will get a place at the primary and I noted with interest the appointment of the new head at the secondary she will go to. But then it's easier with the Catholic schools as it tends to be only one of each per area.

ninedragons · 05/04/2010 13:52

Your DH is not unreasonable.

I am putting in the forms to get DD on the waiting list for the secondary school we want. She is 2.2.

The primary school is a different matter. It is so oversubscribed that parents have to camp out at the school the night before the rolls open, which we will do

DEPECHEMODEFANISBACK · 05/04/2010 13:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Miggsie · 05/04/2010 14:01

Went to a sixth birthday party recently...the parents were talking about where their boys will be going to secondary school.

As some of the choices were St Pauls, Harrow, Westminster and Eton, I began to realise my (state educated so far) DD was moving in better circles than I!!!!

Bear in mind, the boys would go when they were 13.

Yes, some people obsess about this very, very early!