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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be upset that MIL just completely hijacked easter dinner

42 replies

alannabanana · 04/04/2010 15:05

granted i am 6+ months pg and have boisterous toddler to deal with, but i was fully up for and would have enjoyed preparing easter lunch for our fam. DH started the ball rolling 2 and a bit hours ago by getting the meat in the oven/preparing veg etc, while i dealt with DS, but since then i seem to have been solely on DS duty and MIL has taken up residence in the kitchen. when i go in its 'don't worry everythings under control'. now she is a very competant cook, and whenever we go to theirs its gourmet-a-go-go, but i said this morning when she first offered to help 'no, absolutely not, you are the guest, you relax etc', but somehow i knew she wouldn't be able to sit and be waited on, and because im nice and dislike confrontation i have just let her get on with it while in my head im going 'grrr, i do spuds this way, get the fuck out my kitchen!'
can't help but feel like a bit of a failure for having pretty much nothing to do with the meal we will shortly enjoy.
anyway best get back to the 'party'.

OP posts:

BoysAreLikeDogs · 04/04/2010 15:07

yab a bit unreasonable but I understand why

HTH

thedollshouse · 04/04/2010 15:08

This would piss me off too but to be fair to her perhaps because you are pregnant she may have thought that she was doing you a favour. Although personally I would have thought cooking is more relaxing than looking after a young child, next time she comes round make sure you vanish into the kitchen before she gets a chance to take over.

thumbchick · 04/04/2010 15:09

pg hormones probably not helping, and Yprobably ABa bitU but I'd feel the same, tbh!!

It feels undermining, as though you somehow wouldn't be able to cope if MIL weren't there to save the day for you, even if she doesn't overtly say that - it's just how you feel. Me too.

londonartemis · 04/04/2010 15:09

I used to get really cross about this sort of thing too for the same reasons as you. But now, I think it's not worth getting worked up about. You are 6 mth pg, with toddler...she only wants to help, not take over. Just let them get on with it - the fact DH is with her is fine, gives them a chance to do stuff together. Hopefully they'll do the clearing up and the dishes too! My MIL has been here for lunch. Helped with nothing, but now she's out for a walk with DC and DH. That's ok - gives me peace now to browse!

moondog · 04/04/2010 15:11

THey can't win.How mANY PEOPLE come on here moaning that the ILs sit on arses while thy slave in the kitchen? Havingf said that,I love cooking and would politely but firmly told her so.hy didn't you?

lostinwales · 04/04/2010 15:12

YANBU, 'tis passive agresive as you can't complain without looking like a right cow. If it was me my blood pressure would be off the scale. Other women's kitchens should be off limits unless expressly asked in (a bit like being a vampire) I would have a small sherry, just one will do no harm but may unwind you slightly. I on the other hand am sitting down with a cuppa as DH is in charge of all the food today as I know this will seriously annoy my parents, esp my dad who has trouble with jacket potatoes! Families are great aren't they

CwtchyMama · 04/04/2010 15:12

Make the most of it,i would sneak off & have a rest on the sofa.

Wish i was having a roast dinner cooked for me

PortiaPie · 04/04/2010 15:13

I hate cooking, so my MIL is welcome to take over my kitchen anytime.

Original poster

alannabanana · 04/04/2010 15:25

well i dont love cooking but i enjoy it enough to want to do it and do it well today. i would have prefered her being on grandchild duty while i was in the kitchen - they dont see him often so maybe i should have done what dollshouse suggested and disappeared into the kitchen leaving them no choice but to DS watch! and it does feel a bit undermining, though im sure she doesnt want to make me feel bad.
londonartemis - i like what you said about her and DH, it is good they are bonding together over the dinner prep so i think i will just focus on that as a positive.
and anyway, im in charge of the cherry pie for dessert and no-ones taking that away from me!

OP posts:

Thediaryofanobody · 04/04/2010 15:27

YABU she thinks she's helping, it's called being kind.

Thediaryofanobody · 04/04/2010 15:28

Well then stop being a wimp and tell her, what's the point of moaning on here and winding yourself up?

GeekOfTheWeek · 04/04/2010 15:31

My mum does this. I find smacking her with a wooden spoon and tell her to sod off works a charm

Casmama · 04/04/2010 15:34

I think in future ask her to look after ds - "MIL it would be really kind of you to keep an eye on ds to let me get on with the cooking. Thanks"

I can understand you being annoyed but I'm sure she isn't doing it to be annoying and it would be a bit churlish of you to say anything now.

Pancakeflipper · 04/04/2010 15:35

Enjoy the rest. Don't let her leave the kitchen until she has put everything back in it's right place.

My in- laws sit on my settee and don't move though they prompt me for more cups of tea and refills of wine. So next year send her to mine.

traceybath · 04/04/2010 15:37

Just hand her DS and say you spend time with him and I'll do the cooking

KurriKurri · 04/04/2010 15:40

Unless you tell her specifically to look after DS because you really want to cook YABU. She's trying to help, and she probably thinks she's doing the more boring job, so you don't have to be on your feet in the kitchen. Take advantage and relax.
My MIL used to happily tackle my ironing mountain when she came to stay - she didn't do it the same way as me - but who cares - I loved her doing it!

chipmonkey · 04/04/2010 16:23

Sorry but YABU. She thinks she is doing you a favour. Can you imagine if you were a guest to someone who was 6 months pg? You would feel like a miserable git sitting on the sofa and letting them do everything, wouldn't you? Relax. This time next year you will have two dcs to look after at Easter and you will be very glad of any help!

Do you usually get on with your MIL?

usualsuspect · 04/04/2010 16:25

YABU ..Shes trying to help her pregnant DIL

diddl · 04/04/2010 16:37

YABU.
Couldn´t your husband have looked after your son so that you could cook?

At least she´s helping.
How many ways are their to do potatoes?

Or do you mean she´s doing mash instead of roast?

cat64 · 04/04/2010 16:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

usualsuspect · 04/04/2010 17:02

Oh to have someone else to cook the dinner...

choosyfloosy · 04/04/2010 17:13

Sorry but YABU. I do sort of know what you mean as MIL won't let me help her in the kitchen in her house and brings her own food to mine... but it's lovely that she's so helpful, and hope you enjoyed the meal. TBH hope you disappeared for a rest after the meal and let everyone else entertain ds! Happy Easter

mangoandlime · 04/04/2010 17:17

You are BU. She's only trying to help you, the poor woman!

shanghaigirl · 04/04/2010 17:21

Lucky you! She may be going about things the wrong way, but accept the help where and when you can - you don't want to put her off later. She may be invaluable...

OrganicHairbrush · 04/04/2010 18:24

You're making me hungry, My ILs are all veggie (though still vg cooks, so I can't complain) and mmmmmmmmm the thought of roast chicken...

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