to be upset that MIL just completely hijacked easter dinner

[alannabanana]

granted i am 6+ months pg and have boisterous toddler to deal with, but i was fully up for and would have enjoyed preparing easter lunch for our fam. DH started the ball rolling 2 and a bit hours ago by getting the meat in the oven/preparing veg etc, while i dealt with DS, but since then i seem to have been solely on DS duty and MIL has taken up residence in the kitchen. when i go in its 'don't worry everythings under control'. now she is a very competant cook, and whenever we go to theirs its gourmet-a-go-go, but i said this morning when she first offered to help 'no, absolutely not, you are the guest, you relax etc', but somehow i knew she wouldn't be able to sit and be waited on, and because im nice and dislike confrontation i have just let her get on with it while in my head im going 'grrr, i do spuds this way, get the fuck out my kitchen!'
can't help but feel like a bit of a failure for having pretty much nothing to do with the meal we will shortly enjoy.
anyway best get back to the 'party'.

I can completely understand your frustration, but as long as she doesn't gloat about how SHE did all the cooking then you just need to try to relax, put your feet up and enjoy it. If she does gloat then she should be shot (my MIL tries to do this and is now not allowed anywhere near my kitchen )

Next time be very firm though, tell her that you have really been looking forward to doing the cooking and could she please just go and RELAX with your ds. Oh and do lots of the prep in advance so she can't do much when she gets there.

She is trying to help (unless she is a manipulative b*tch!!!)

Sorry but yabu, MIL prob wants to help her pg DIL.

Would love someone to come around and cook me roast dinner.

I am feeling smug as my 14 year old ds is currently cooking our dinner.

Mil did this to me one Easter when she was staying, but the day after when we were having guests over and I was doing something easy and moveable as timings were fluid with the guests. I took dh a mug of tea as he was tinkering with the car and came back to find she had interfered and done something totally different from what I had planned and this meant that I then had to cook another meal as ds did not like what she had done. She got the message I was not happy and is now not allowed in my kitchen at all.

My 17 year old ds would cook for us .if we wanted supernoodles

How lovely for you - all that extra time to spend with your toddler, or to put your feet up!
Enjoy it, I would.

Don't worry - when you are the MiL, you can take over. That's what Mils are for!

Yanbu. Yanbu one iota. If you said "no, absolutely not, you are the guest ..." then she is not being kind one little bit. She is ignoring you and trampling over your express wishes. She could have a little bit more sensitivity and see that cooking the meal was important to you. I feel for you.

"all that extra time to spend with your toddler"

perhaps the op would like a break from her toddler and have her dh and mil take care of the toddler for like, you know, a change.

"because im nice and dislike confrontation i have just let her get on with it"

This is where I lost any sympathy.

You want to have your cake & eat it, be seen as "nice" but still have your own way even though it involves explaining an issue to someone who might not like it, which you "dislike" doing.

So for that reason YABU. And in case you were wondering, it's immensely rewarding having people like you tie themselves up in extraordinarily unnecessary knots. You probably have this done to you all the time!

(sets timer to see how "nice" Alanna really is)

woah, i didn't realise this would be such a contentious issue! obviously its hard to sum-up this situation and all people involved in one paragraph on a thread, so your opinion on whether im reasonable/unreasonable is based on very little!
i was mainly frustrated by MIL taking over because the whole point of the them coming to stay was that we could look after them for a change. we hadn't seen them for ages, they don't live near and she's had a cardiac scare recently so i told her she's not catering for us this easter, she'll come up and relax, play with DS etc, and not worry about a thing. and i felt when she wouldn't get out the kitchen that she really didn't trust us to come up with a decent meal on our own - and you know the whole paranoia about not being good enough for her son starts to re-emerge (even after 10 years together!).
really and truly, i just came on here for a bit of a moan, a bit of away time from the frustrating situation (which actually my DH agreed with me was slightly out of order on her part), i didn't want to wind anyone up catinthehat, so im not looking for a fight.

anyway, thanks for being my outlet yesterday ladies - i think the whole thing was exacerbated by preg hormones and my DS refusing to nap all day and being a handful, but we had a lovely meal (which she did take credit for and i held my tongue!), and got very jealous that everyone could get nicely sozzled i couldn't (but made up for it by eating LOADS of chocolate!)
happy easter, and i hope you have a great relaxing easter monday

YABU.

"Don't worry, everything's under control."

"Thanks but I enjoy cooking, so I'd like to do it please."

aibu is shite

AIBU is just fine. When it isn't used for group hugs and sympathy, that is. Post the "ur so rite, hun" crap somewhere else.

Put your feet up-leave her to it and enjoy it!! It makes a change from all the people who moan and say MIL doesn't lift a finger! Perhaps there could be a general swap?!!

OK, stopwatch ran out at about 21 hrs.

As Alanna failed completely & utterly to get arsey with me, I think she probably is a genuinely nice person

YABU, if you really wanted to cook yourself you should have been blunter and just said "I 'd prefer to do this myself, I'll give you a job to do in a minute," and if she interfered said "please can you let me do things my way, I feel you're taking over a bit". It's not her fault she is more assertive than you.

When my mum she comes to stay frequently re-arranges parts of the kitchen / or the wardrobe for DD's clothes and MIL has also (more sweetly) suggested other alternatives for keeping clothes etc... but the other things they do and the time they spend with DD is so special (We live abroad so i very much appreciate this ) my advice is not to assume that any of this is somehow an attempt to undermine you ...
honestly it's fine - we rearrange the kitchen after their visits if we need to- or other wise really really appreciate that some else could be bothered to think about it !

But have to say I have the same attitude to DP - I am not a big fan of the " it's better if i do it myself" school ( even though I have to bite my tongue at times ) - i figure you are making a rod for your own back- being a mother who is indispensable.
.... As long a DCS are fed, watered and happy and enjoy the help you have - i miss having extended family a lot ....