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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to not want someone else to take my 18mo swimming?

48 replies

cat811 · 02/04/2010 17:23

Not sure if I'm being very pfb, but I don't like the idea of someone else taking him - even thought it'd be mil, and not some stranger.
I just feel a bit concerned about safety - obviously he's generally fine with her and I don't usually worry, but swimming feels a bit different when he's so young.
Dh disagrees and says it's fine and I'm paranoid - so thought I'd see what people generally think (so I can hopefully prove him wrong...unless I'm BU!)
Thanks!

OP posts:

dizzydixies · 02/04/2010 17:26

god I'd be delighted if my MIL would offer to spend time with any of my dc never mind taking them to the pool

sorry but YABU however if you've a bad feeling, he's your baby and you can refuse to let her

Shaz10 · 02/04/2010 17:26

Hmm, not sure. At first I thought "no way, I wouldn't let anyone take him!" Then I thought about my MIL and thought "actually I would be ok with her."

Could you all go together to start with? See how you get on ant then make a decision?

unfitmother · 02/04/2010 17:26

Yes, YABU. Unless MIL is a baby killing psychopath, then, you're not.

Shaz10 · 02/04/2010 17:26

"and"

JustMyTwoPenceWorth · 02/04/2010 17:27

I take it your mil has raised children of her own? And presumably was responsible for their safety? And parented them without major incident for a lot longer than 18 months?

I think you are being pfb. That's not an attack upon you, we've all done it.

but this mil you fear cannot look after your 18 month old - raised at least one child safely to adulthood. (does your husband have any siblings?)

diddl · 02/04/2010 17:29

It depends on MIL I would say.

My MIL would have had no idea of how to keep one of that age safe.

dizzydixies · 02/04/2010 17:30

is she just going with him or are there more kids involved?

are your familiar with the pool?

is he at home in the water or will this be new to him?

specialmagiclady · 02/04/2010 17:30

Will the child have armbands? If so, then YAB a bit PFB.

Have you ever taken him swimming before? If so, you'll know it's actually a MONUMENTAL PAIN IN THE ARSE. In which case, you should be grateful that your MIL is taking it on.

Are they going to lessons or just to muck about? If lessons, there will be well-trained adults looking out for your baby's safety.

SameAsYou · 02/04/2010 17:32

I would it depend how much you want him to experience swimming - are you unable to take him?

DorotheaPlenticlew · 02/04/2010 17:32

Agree it depends on your MIL and what she is like. Some people are just as safe with babies as they were thirty-odd years ago ... some are not.

fluffles · 02/04/2010 17:33

so long as your MIL is reasonably young and fit (or old and fit) and not in any way unsteady or frail, and so long as your LO has been swimming with you or DH at least once then i would say YABU.

do you take him swimming? i love swimming and wouldn't want anybody else to take my baby swimming simply because i wouldn't want to miss out on water time with him, but if i wasn't so into it or didn't have time i'd be happy for MIL to take him.

emsyj · 02/04/2010 17:35

If you don't trust her, then you don't trust her - only you know if you are being unreasonable in not trusting her really. We don't know her! I would trust my mother and my MIL 110% with a baby/young child and would not be worried about either of them taking an 18 month old swimming, but if you have something in the back of your head nagging you to say 'don't do it' then you don't have to. There are lifeguards at the pool etc, but nothing is without risk. Do you trust her generally to keep your child safe? Is your fear swimming-specific?

Trafficcone · 02/04/2010 17:35

Pfb. Do you know how hard it would be to drown a
child in armbands surrounded by other people and wth a life guard on duty??? Do you think she'll be deliberately holding him under or something?

salbysea · 02/04/2010 17:37

I think there is no way of saying YABU or YANBU without knowing your MIL.

And the fact that she has raised kids is irrelevant IMO, I know people who have raised kids without any of them loosing any limbs etc but it was more luck than judgement and I wouldn't leave my kid in their charge. Likewise I know some childless people who would be much more safety savvy.

Original poster

cat811 · 02/04/2010 17:37

He has been before, and loves the water - he is very keen on flinging himself around though. Obviously she has raised children safely before, but my main concern is that she is 30 years older than when she did it, and I'm thinking about how very active and manic he is (which she is used to out of the water-but just feels a bit different in water)
It's not a pool I'm used to as she'd take him near her home.
Maybe I am being a bit silly-would be difficult to say no though, or suggest we went together (and maybe this is more what my issue is!) as she has basically told me that she will take him next time she has him (which jarred with me straightaway - because I'd have expected her to ask rather than state, in case he wasn't keen on water, or there were any problems with it etc) But maybe I'm totally ridiculous and am just annoyed that she told me rather than asking - if most of you are saying there's no problem even when that young, that's probably the case!

OP posts:

violethill · 02/04/2010 17:38

Why not tell her thanks, but you'd prefer to take him yourself if you're worried. Then you have a way out without causing offence

cece · 02/04/2010 17:39

Personally I would be delighted to have MIL take him. Time to yourself and your DC in the best of hands! (I am assuming she loves and cares for as she would her own child like my MIL does)

emsyj · 02/04/2010 17:42

Why don't you suggest that you go together so that she can help you (before she has him on her own again). Say how much you love taking him swimming, but that it can be a bit much when you're on your own and would she mind coming along so that you can do a few lengths yourself. Then you can go together (go asap) and basically let her deal with everything - then she can see how much hard work it is (and possibly change her mind!) and you can see how safety-conscious she is. If you're uncomfortable at the end of it then you can say to her, 'I found that really hard work even with 2 of us, I'm sure there are easier activities you can do with him whilst he's so little' and see what she says.

mrsboogie · 02/04/2010 17:56

my DP's mum is brilliant with my 18 mo old DS and has mentioned wanting to take him swimming since he was tiny -she just hasn't got around to it yet. I know he would be as safe with her as he could be but I have tiny niggle in my mind about anyone else taking him.

It's natural -but no reason not to let her take him.

DorotheaPlenticlew · 02/04/2010 20:29

Emsyj's suggestion is good.

DS was very prone to dashing off unexpectedly at that age, and of course he was not at all safety-conscious. I used to find it hard to keep up with him myself, and in fact he did once dash away from my grasp (only by a couple of steps; I was right beside him and reaching out for him) at a swimming pool, and slipped on the slippery floor and went down and banged the back of his head. Nothing serious at all, but it was a hard crack and he cried his wee heart out, and I felt awful.

For that reason alone, I can understand not being very sure about sending a child of that age with an older person to a slippery pool environment. It does depend on the child; I know some would never run off in the way DS used to. (He is not disobedient or difficult generally, but was just little and exuberant.)

SalFresco · 02/04/2010 20:44

Trafficcone who says the child will be wearing armbands?!

I wouldn't let my MIL, she has quite bad mobility problems due to ill health, and it affects her much more than she lets on. I wouldn't want to put her in that position.

mummeee · 02/04/2010 20:47

YANBU to me - I guess it depends on your MIL but I wouldn't even consider it with mine! Pools are different than just an outing. DH would never agree to it either.

jellybeans · 02/04/2010 20:48

YANBU If you don't feel OK, don't do it. Trust your instincts. MIL was cheeky to assume or tell you she was going swimming.

ScreaminEagle · 02/04/2010 20:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Fel1x · 02/04/2010 22:43

I guess if you trust her enough to look after him for you usually then she has no reason to think you wouldnt trust her doing normal activities that you would do yourself with him.

IF there is a valid reason why she couldnt keep him safe at swimming as well as you could then explain this to her. If there isnt a real reason then you are being pfb and should let them have a fun time swimming together

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