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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have expected anything on our 10th anniversary

43 replies

DamnHisEyes · 02/04/2010 15:08

So we've both been working flat out, we have two kids and little time for anything. So yesterday was our 10th anniversary and although I haven't had time to do anything I booked half a day's leave thinking I could make a nice dinner and maybe if we were lucky the girls would settle nicely and early and we could just cuddle on the sofa with some wine after. Until he said he was going for drinks with his mates after work. Didn't say anything in case maybe was going to be surprised. Turns out nope he really had drinks and curry night out planned. But sweet FA for us or anyhing for he rest of this weekend. Should I really be seething as much as I am? I want to shout but don't even know if it's worth it givn he obviously doesn't think it is.

OP posts:
PaintPod · 02/04/2010 15:10

yabu - after 10 years you should realise that you are married to a man

Rantagonist · 02/04/2010 15:18

It's our 10th wedding anniversary in August, and God help DH if he doesn't mark it in some way

But as Paint said, they are blokes, so you do have to make certain allowances for their lack of imagination. Did he remember it was your 10th?

I recon you need to say something as calmly as you can to him, else it's going to eat you alive! Make it clear he can make it up to you, but he'll have to make twice the effort for being such an arse airhead

MunchkinsMumof2 · 02/04/2010 15:25

He's a man. He's not a mind reader, the sensible thing to have done was to ask him how he would like to celebrate being married for 10 years! It's not just your anniversary so a joint discussion was needed. I have learnt the hard way that if I want to celebrate anything, my dh needs it spelled out very clearly Why don't you book a sitter and treat yourselves to a night out?

Mouseface · 02/04/2010 15:31

Oh dear, his physic powers were clearly switched off

You need to staple these things to their foreheads, at least a month in advance!!!

Loving MunchkinsMumof2 idea about asking him directly what he'd like to do, subtle!

Original poster
DamnHisEyes · 02/04/2010 15:57

I did say when he said he would be back late becos of drinks 'so on our 10th wedding anniversary you're going out with your mates?' and he grinned sheepishly. I do know we've both been busy as heck and so no time to arrange anything. And wasn't looking for much but hmm guess am just completely disappointed by utter lack of anything and fact he thought I wouldn't mind his being out while I put the girls to bed and bathe them - as usual. Thanks I know logical approah is to say what I feel buy think will just wallow in my disappointment a bit longer. Don't even know if he realises anything. Stupid man.

OP posts:
Mouseface · 02/04/2010 16:08

Nice bottle of wine needed tonight me thinks, for you both. I'd be disappointed too.

bronze · 02/04/2010 16:10

I dont he needs to be a mindreader to think I would like to spend the evening with my wife as its our anniversary.
YANBU

emmymama · 02/04/2010 16:18

my dp has booked the day off for our anniversary in may..
he's taking us (me and dd) out in the morning, then for some lunch

ok, thats not exactly true lol... he has booked the day off.. because i told him to

he is taking us out in the morning... to the hospital for my gtt

and lunch will be in the hospital cafe because gtt is a fasting bloods and i will be 28 weeks pregnant romantic eh?

Original poster
DamnHisEyes · 02/04/2010 16:20

See?! All I wanted was some acknowledgement! Sodding drinks with his mates!!!!

OP posts:
Original poster
DamnHisEyes · 02/04/2010 16:22

Ps emmymama hope the lunch is lovely! At least there's a happy reason to be in hospital!

OP posts:
onthepier · 02/04/2010 18:36

DAMNHISEYES - How is your dh the rest of the time? For example my dh is great with anniversaries, birthdays etc, will go to great lengths to book a lovely meal out or buy me just the right thing, but take a normal weekday evening or a Sunday when he's already thinking ahead to work, he doesn't seem to feel the need to even speak to me!

Have told him that anniversaries etc are all very nice, but some evidence that he actually wants my company day to day would be nice too!

CaptainUnderpants · 02/04/2010 18:50

We celebrate 10 years this summer - apparently 10 yrs is either tin or aluminium - so a new roasting tray or roll of tin foil !

tippytumbles · 02/04/2010 18:54

YANBU it is our 12th later this month (falls on a Friday too) and i just know he will not acknowledge it and will go to the pub with his mates like he does every Friday

Hassled · 02/04/2010 18:58

FFS, sod all this "well he's a man" bollocks. He should have bloody sorted something out, he should have remembered and he certainly should have stayed in with you. Being a man alone doesn't make you a thoughtless moron - it's a gender, not a bloody excuse to be a twat.

To sum up, YANBU .

FabIsGettingThere · 02/04/2010 18:59

So tell him now tippytumbles that you want to do something.

nappyzoneloveslindor · 02/04/2010 19:00

YANBU but did he know as i have to remind dh of such dates - last nov however was our 10th and i made sure dh knew and he had planned for our kiddys to sleep out and planned some suprise - turned out it was front row tickets for elton johns concert and on wat to dropping of the dc it came on the radio it was cancelled. The dc stil slept out and after much persuasion by me we went out for a meal. He got the £200 refunded and promised mt something nice whihc has never materialised and that riles me. I even paid for the meal out ! Neigh mind though at least he made the effort sort off. If its tin or metla how about you whack him with a roast tin? . Congratulations by the way

FabIsGettingThere · 02/04/2010 19:06

If it riles you, tell him.

herbietea · 02/04/2010 19:07

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Malificence · 02/04/2010 19:21

You've every right to be fuming! Not even a card?

It was our 25th last week whilst on holiday - DH had emailed the hotel and got us a room upgrade, there was a bouquet of roses on the bed when we got there and a bottle of champagne on our table the night of our anniversary.
(I'd booked us a night at a swanky hotel before the flight out to Cuba, in case anyone wonders if I did anything).

This, "they're a man, what can you expect" crap doesn't wash with me at all - they're either thoughtful and considerate people , or they're not.

mummyofexcitedprincesses · 02/04/2010 19:22

Am I very wrong to have told DH 10 years means he has to buy me a diamond? I have requested an ethically sourced one.

A roasting tin just doesn't have the same appeal.

PiratePrincess · 02/04/2010 19:41

It was our 10th last year - I knew DH wouldn't do anything so I booked the most expensive restaurant nearby and it was lovely!

DH said, "I'm so glad you booked this, if it was down to me we'd have had a curry at the Toby!"

And he wouldn't be alive today

cat64 · 02/04/2010 19:59

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FabIsGettingThere · 02/04/2010 20:01

I got a gorgeous diamond ring for our tenth wedding anniversary. DH agreed it was near enough to tin .

runnybottom · 02/04/2010 22:59

The idea that you would need to say that you expect him not to go out on your 10th anniversary, that you should inform him in advance that you expect acknowledgement...I'm .

I've said this once on a thread today but I think it bears repeating.....
some of you married twats didn't you?

FiveOrangePips · 02/04/2010 23:13

I think both of you should have planned something together. I am not particularly good at remembering my anniversary - this year is our 10th and we are already thinking about what we want to do( in August).
I think yanbu for being upset that your dh went ahead with his night out - he should have cancelled/found a baysitter, so you could go out too.