Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that "precious vessel" status exists once and once only when you're pregnant?

43 replies

VerityClinch · 02/04/2010 15:05

Am five/six weeks pregnant with baby number two (DD is 9 months old).

DH has yet to even so much as enquire as to the location of the "pregnancy week by week" book, never mind read it - last time he religiously read every week, plus a couple in advance to see what was coming.

Doctor's attitude was laughably casual - simply referred me to the hospital to get me "back in the system", told me that since DD was so young there wasn't anything he could say that wouldn't already be fresh in my memory, didn't even make me do a pregnancy test at the surgery and only took my blood pressure because I asked him to (it was on the high side all of my first pregnancy). When I asked him if he agreed with me that my due date would be 30th November, he said "oh, these wheels, you know...best just wait for your 12 week scan, you'll get a more accurate date that way."

AIBU to think that, second time around, all the special attention lavished on the first-time-pregnant-mum just vanishes into the ether? The grandparents-to-be are grandparents already, husband just wants the whole hormonal/sick/tired/grumpy bit out of the way as soon as possible and no bvgger is going to offer to carry your shopping if you're already lugging a 10kg baby around with you?

Are the midwives going to be just as bad - because, to be frank, they p1ssed me off quite a lot the first time!

OP posts:
kittywise · 02/04/2010 15:09

yep, that's the way it's going to be, sorry

Joolyjoolyjoo · 02/04/2010 15:10

Yup, 'fraid so! And you will also soon have a toddler who has NO sympathy for your condition whatsoever (been there, done that!)

On the other hand, I never really liked the "precious vessel" stuff. My 2nd pregnancy seemed to just zoom in, as I was less preoccupied with it! I had high bl pressure in my first pregnancy too, and all sorts of health problems, but was far fitter wwith pregnancy 2! Good luck!

WhereYouLeftIt · 02/04/2010 15:11

Well there was no second time around for me, but I can honestly say i was not treated like a "precious vessel" on my first and only pregnancy. I really don't think I would have wanted to be.

CharCharGabor · 02/04/2010 15:12

Yup, that's pretty much it. Hardly anyone even came to visit after DD2 was born last month

compo · 02/04/2010 15:13

To be fair to your dh it was only nine months ago that he read the week by week baby book down - it's the sort of book you only can stomach once in a year

gramercy · 02/04/2010 15:13

You sound like a bit of a mum-to-be-zilla.

mnistooaddictive · 02/04/2010 15:15

The postnatal ward were incredibly unhelpful sefond time around too. All that stuff they do for you first time round like bath baby and change nappies- no chance. When I asked for help breastfeeding they told me I knew what I was doing and to get on with it.

kittywise · 02/04/2010 15:15

"You sound like a bit of a mum-to-be-zilla." That's true actually. You're pregnant. It's a perfectly normal condition, just get on with it.

geraldinetheluckygoat · 02/04/2010 15:17

yes no one really gives a toss the second time round. and youll be expected to be up strippng beds and mowing the lawn ten minutes after you give birth this time too.

WidowWadman · 02/04/2010 15:17

Why should he do another test in the surgery? It's not going to make you any more pregnant. I wasn't tested at the surgery first (and so far only) time either.

yama · 02/04/2010 15:18

Why would you want to be treated like a 'precious vessel'?

I'm pregnant with number two and am in charge of my own health. I don't demand anyone take an interest but if I think something isn't quite right I get it checked out.

So, (and this is unusual for me) YABU.

Intergalactic · 02/04/2010 15:19

Yes, I've found similar but I don't mind. I mean, they're right, I can remember the necessary information as it was just 18 months ago that I had the last one (am hopefully having DC2 this week). I think I was actually far too self-indulgent last time - I spent as much time as possible lazing around 'relaxing', with my feet up to help my swollen ankles etc. This time I've been looking after DS full time so have been on the go pretty much every day and have felt much healthier for it. I've had less back pain despite having to lift a toddler. I've been able to sort out the necessary things and not waste time on stuff we don't actually need. And if we get fewer presents for DC2 then that'll be fine by me - DS got dozens of little outfits that he outgrew by about 8 weeks old.

sweetkitty · 02/04/2010 15:22

Wait until you are on number 4 no one really gives a toss then and even you forget you are pregnant half the time!

What makes me laugh is first time around it was all no lifting, DP used to tell me off for lifting a tin of beans, now I am lugging big toddlers around.

I shouldn't complain as when I am pregnant he has to do everything as I have SPD and cannot do very much.

But you are correct you are expected just to get on with it more second time around and yes be up and about 5 mins after giving birth.

Original poster
VerityClinch · 02/04/2010 15:30

Don't get me wrong here - am not in any way demanding "precious vessel" status - am just shocked by how different things seem to me already this pregnancy and wondering if this is set to continue. I guess from what you're all saying, it is.

I was definitely very self-indulgent the first time around, and obviously only see that now, with hindsight. I did have a very difficult pregnancy and birth (grade 4 placenta praevia, massive blood loss during birth) and was told to rest a lot and am wondering how on earth that's going to be possible this time if it happens again, with DD just on the verge of crawling, and no doubt walking by the time the new baby puts in an appearance.

I really did think the doctor would make me do a pregnancy test at the surgery before referring me and getting me into the system, generating booking appointments, scans etc - if nothing else because it must be an expensive process to go through if you're, in fact, not pregnant at all.

Come 12 weeks I will, of course, be telling people what I still consider to be pretty miraculous news (DD was a lot harder to conceive than this one!). Seems, though, from your responses, that I had better get ready for people being more or less nonplussed by the whole thing this time, which is a shame, because I am very, very excited about completing my family and producing a sibling for DD.

OP posts:
TarheelMama · 02/04/2010 15:35

I am still first time pregnant but haven't been treated like a precious vessel. The only concession my husband (or myself) has made is he now takes the dog on one of the two daily walks. That's because she pulls on the lead and pulled me over one day.

And he has never read a baby book.

petisa · 02/04/2010 15:39

I think I'm as guilty of this as anyone else tbh. I forget I'm pregnant, delete the "you are x weeks pregnant" email updates as I can't be arsed to read them, and would rather be on MN with a cuppa when dd's napping than get out my pregnancy book or do my pregnancy yoga dvd. As for pelvic floor exercises, now that I really need to do them, I don't have time can't be arsed

Have even had about 4 glasses of wine/beer so far this time round

petisa · 02/04/2010 15:43

Don't worry OP, being self-indulgent is what the first pregnancy is FOR, as you have 18 years of hard slog and no self-indulgence whatsoever from when the baby's born, so you deserve it.

I now plan to spend the 20 weeks going to bed early, now that I know what I'm in for this time round! Oh and I'm going for a weekend away with mates too.

Now I really must get that yoga dvd out...

geraldinetheluckygoat · 02/04/2010 15:46

your friends will be really pleased and excited for you, mine were, we had a simialar situation to yours! It is nice to have a bit of pampering and special treatment when pregnant, I dont think you need to apologise for that! You will manage when you have the second, you might find that if you need help, youll actually have to ask people as they might assume its all water off a ducks back the second time. Also dont worry about both the births being similar, lots of subsequent births are totally different to the first . Good luck with it all!

Now go and put your feet up and demand a cup of tea and an easter egg!

jenduff · 02/04/2010 15:53

Yes I think some women do go into a self absorbed pregnancy world first time round and its only subsequent pregnancies that you are treated like you are still human.

Really there is no need for him to test if you have already.

ImSoNotTelling · 02/04/2010 16:00

I know exactly wat you mean OP

First time round DH, my parents, my PIL, friends, everyone was tremendously excited, always asking how I was, plumping cushions, carrying stuff for me, you name it they were very attentive.

Second time round the announcement barely resulted in a raised eyebrow

lovechoc · 02/04/2010 16:16

am afraid that's just how it is. I'm 6 months pg with baby no2 and it's going in really fast because of my toddler (3 this month) and constant chasing him around - you don't get the chance to rest and take it easy and be treated like a princess! get used to it, I say!

bronze · 02/04/2010 16:18

Never got treated like that with no 1 let alone 2, 3 or 4

lovechoc · 02/04/2010 16:19

as for men reading pg books!! you must be joking! DH bought the Haynes Manual one for pg (forget the actual title of it) but never quite got round to reading it before he had the real deal on his doorstep!

Most men don't really bother about such details they just wait til the baby arrives then get involved at that point. What else can they do really??

ABetaDad · 02/04/2010 16:26

VerityClinch - Yeah I agree. The first time is special. Second time is pretty routine. Once you've had one without any trouble it should be a breeze the next time. At least that's what I told DW. She seemed to take it quite well - more or less.

A 'pregnancy week by week' book! Is there such a thing? We had babies in the last century so things were different back then. Men didn't read books. They just went for a pint with their mates and then hoped not to look too terrified, puke or faint on the big day.

Joking aside. All the very best and do hope it goes well. Holding a newborn baby is pretty wonderful whether it is the first baby or tenth.

hazeyjane · 02/04/2010 16:45

I am pregnant with dc3 and didn't look in a pregnancy book, with dd2 or this time round. I suppose I want the pregnancy bit over with tbh, because I am huge already (26 weeks), have varicose veins and am knackered by running around after dds (3 and 4). I think by the 3rd rather than being treated like a 'precious vessel' you are more likely treated as someone who must be insane.

Swipe left for the next trending thread