to think that "precious vessel" status exists once and once only when you're pregnant?

[VerityClinch]

Am five/six weeks pregnant with baby number two (DD is 9 months old).

DH has yet to even so much as enquire as to the location of the "pregnancy week by week" book, never mind read it - last time he religiously read every week, plus a couple in advance to see what was coming.

Doctor's attitude was laughably casual - simply referred me to the hospital to get me "back in the system", told me that since DD was so young there wasn't anything he could say that wouldn't already be fresh in my memory, didn't even make me do a pregnancy test at the surgery and only took my blood pressure because I asked him to (it was on the high side all of my first pregnancy). When I asked him if he agreed with me that my due date would be 30th November, he said "oh, these wheels, you know...best just wait for your 12 week scan, you'll get a more accurate date that way."

AIBU to think that, second time around, all the special attention lavished on the first-time-pregnant-mum just vanishes into the ether? The grandparents-to-be are grandparents already, husband just wants the whole hormonal/sick/tired/grumpy bit out of the way as soon as possible and no bvgger is going to offer to carry your shopping if you're already lugging a 10kg baby around with you?

Are the midwives going to be just as bad - because, to be frank, they p1ssed me off quite a lot the first time!

yup. poor neglected second born

I kept a diary through my first pregnancy I re-read it sometimes for a laugh . Wrote a book of a birth plan. Had far too many baby clothes. Changed the baby's clothes every time he so much as dribbled. Carried him everywhere like he was made of glass. Went to clinic every week....

Second baby - no diary (thank god!). Birth plan consisted of me saying DRUUUUUUGS!!. dressed 100% in handmedowns. Changed the poor buggers clothes only when they became so crusty I could no longer bend him . Used to sling him under my arm. Couldn't pick health visitor out of a line up...

It's rather a good job I never had that third. He'd probably have had to learn to change his own nappies

I thik the OP has been reading the 'best friends guide to pregnancy book'.That talks about only getting 'precious vessel' status once!

Ah, you really have to wait and see with this. You only have a small gap, so people are probably bored of you being pregnant...that's what happened to me with DS2.

Fast forward three years and no one was bothered when I first got pregnant with this one...until the 20 week scan, whan it was discovered that I am carrying the much-desired first girl...and yay! I'm the 'precious vessel' again!

Maybe you'll come to appreciate it. I came to hate the precious vessel status of my first pregnancy... whether or not I was about to die (and honestly, I don't think I was) the fussing and the drama of itall got a bit boring.

Can you just concentrate on being all chilled about next time?

Yes and it isn't a relief?

I hated all the fuss. And the downside of being a precious vessel is feeling guilty about looking at a packet of peanuts and sniffing a cork

Anyway feeling worn out and unappreciated is good practice for after the babe is born

I do remember feeling so unutterably tired the firs time and taking luxuriously to my bed in the afternoons like some pallid Victorian consumptive. Ho ho ho! Didn't work like that second and third times - somehow you cope.

You won't get many presents when baby no.2 is born either.

Good thing is you are not as self-absorbed with the pregnancy - you can stay off the silly baby books and pregnant or newly sprogged celebrities' wibbling.

Staff at the maternity ward treat you with respect as they recognised a seasoned pair of hands ...

"taking luxuriously to my bed in the afternoons like some pallid Victorian consumptive"

Lol Orm! Me too. I did manage some pregnancy yoga this morning though, which is a very first time preg thing to do, with dd copying me!

I'm due in 2 days with DD2 and have to say I've enjoyed this 2nd pregnancy so much more than the first. The whole 'precious vessel' stuff first time made me neurotic. For instance, I wrote a birthplan detailing the scented candles I wanted at my perfect water birth, wasted ££££s on hypnotherapy, did my pregnancy pilates, ate organic etc etc - and then ended up with an EMCS after 28hrs labour!!

This time round it's all been cake, chips, running after demanding 3yr old with no time for self analysis or pampering - somehow it's just been so much more fun. And having fairly low expectations of the birth (compared to last time) takes a lot of pressure off (still bloody terrified though).

Good luck VerityC.

I'm first time round and GP didn't do a pregnancy test to confirm at the surgery or blood pressure test, he just got me booked in to the system.

I am however not particularly enjoying the 'precious vessel' type treatment, only getting it from a couple of people as I try not to make an issue of it, but I find it really embarrassing. So will be delighted not to get it another time round!

My friend has just had her first (my DC3 is 3 now) and I loved watching her go through the PFB pregnancy as it is a lovely time in your life (assumming not hideously ill/complications etc).

The first pregnancy should be a bit indulgent and every subsequent pregnancy should be spent reminiscing ;-)

Yes, it's all out of the window now. Wait until Tyne baby's born though, you actually do need help managing two and you get bugger all as everyone thinks you know what to do ( well you do separately, but not together ). Oddly it's easy to get everyone ready at the crack of dawn, but emotionally it's a real struggle ime.

Sorry about weird iPhone spellings in previous!

Blimey, the experience you have had second time around is the EXACT experience I am having THE FIRST TIME so be glad you had your one shot at precious vessel status, cos some of us will never get it!

Don't expect people who gave you presents for the first baby to do the same with the second. They won't!

Yup, the best friend's guide to pregnancy book got it just about right.

First time it's new and exciting and everyone wants to be a part of it.

Second time it's boring. Been there, done that, bought the t-shirt. Nobody bothers to impart their nonsense advice as they think you know what you're doing already.

Third time barely even registers. I didn't actually tell many people that I was pregnant with my third until I was 20 weeks! Once she was born the HV asked me whether I wanted to bother arranging any appointments between 10 days and the 6 week check, as she didn't think she could tell me anything I didn't already know!

Personally I was happier to be left to get on with it myself, and with my 3rd I felt more that it was "my" pregnancy rather than something which everyone else had a stake in. Which sounds a bit mean to DH, but isn't meant to be!

Definitely compensations with second pregnancy though. From now on, you can enfuriate all first time mothers with your Blase Experienced Status. And by the time they're on their second, you'll have had time to get your third in- so you can always win.

My first taster of Superior Status came on the ante-natal ward, when dh swanned in and casually changed his tiny prem baby's nappy in a matter of seconds; all the other mums looked green with envy as their blokes were still trying to work out which end of the wretched thing was up while mum hovered anxiously over them. They forgot that dh had already done a few thousand nappy changes by then, and just assumed that he was Wonderman (he is, of course ).

Oh yes, Superior Status is a fab thing...