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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

working mum

32 replies

chickenlickin · 02/04/2010 07:08

I am I in the wrong to be annouyed with DH as he NEVER gets up with kids in the night. We have two kids 22 months apart. Youngest one year old. I Breastfeed both for a year so took it that i would obvously get up and do this at night. Now i have finished AND back to work. I work as a midwife and do horrible shift work. Only three days a week but have the kids rest of the week.

When i work at weekends sometimes I ask if DH will get up for youngest if he wakes (normally 4am, goes back really easy but have to go down stairs to get bottle of cows milk, and when this happens DH gets really angry and shouts and moans (waking everyone up) saying that he never gets a break and that It is my job! I did point out that I am working this day (very early start) and that he was off. (which he says to me every day) REALLY beginning to piss ,me off and cause problems. AM I BEING UNREASONABLE ???

OP posts:

traceybath · 02/04/2010 07:09

YANBU - I hope he has other redeeming features.

macdoodle · 02/04/2010 07:16

Nope, one of the issues that I think ultimately contributed to the end of my marriage (amongst others of course), but the utter sense of resentment this engendered in me, and clearly showed up my XH's nasty self absorbed traits

charlieowner · 02/04/2010 07:17

court ordered access to his kids will buck him up PDQ

posieparker · 02/04/2010 07:23

YANBU at all....getting up at night and early mornings is one of my DH's redeeming features and I don't work. He just accepts that as, over the last eight years, I have carried and bf our babies meaning less sleep for me and so he does night time.

gobsmackedetal · 02/04/2010 07:27

YANBU

my dh gets up in the night as much as I do, I can't imagine it any other way.

Your DH is very selfish and sexist (how is it YOUR job?)

PuppyMonkey · 02/04/2010 07:45

YANBU, he sounds like a twat. Just ignore his moans and tell him to get on with it.

MamaVoo · 02/04/2010 07:51

He wakes everyone up shouting that it isn't his job to get up? Twat is not a strong enough word. YANBU.

taffetacat · 02/04/2010 08:10

YANBU. I always get up with the DC in the morning incl at weekends, and if they wake in the night, which is not often now. But then I am a SAHM. DH nearly always leaves the house during the week before the DC are awake, so I get enough rest.

If I complain about being tired, he will offer to have the DC while I go for a snooze. But it would never be in the morning.

ben10isgr8 · 02/04/2010 08:19

YANBU

It is selfish and unreasonable of him to expect you to get up through the night all the time regardless of you WOH or not.

He needs to realise that you need sleep before work...just like him also that your body needs to recover from the years of disturbed nights caused by pg and baby care.

my dh lives on the same planet as yours!

When I went back to work after ds I kept him up late one night telling him exactly how I felt and what I expected.

Once I night weaned DS(14mo)I started kicking him to get up and we did alternate weekend mornings so the other could relax a bit.

When dd came along I was back to being the only one getting up during the week...well I was up anyway, but Dh still got kicked if ds woke at the weekends.

I don't claim he is a changed man...one morning he moaned and went in a huff..I had been up 3 x already with dd and kicked him for ds and got told "ffs you are awake, (just settled dd and now snuggled in bed)what is the point of us both getting up" which I just ignored and snuggled back down.

He doesn't get it. It took straight talking and persistance for my DH.

Good luck

Firawla · 02/04/2010 08:21

yanbu @ all, his behaviour sounds v selfish

tillyfernackerpants · 02/04/2010 08:32

yanbu. Like taffetacat, I get up with the ds's but I am a SAHM. But about once or twice a month dh takes them to his parents for the day so I can have a break.

Do you think he would be more willing if you told him you wanted him to deal with the dcs before you went to bed? That way he knows its his turn rather than being asked at the time.

RockSteady · 02/04/2010 09:00

nope definately YANBU, you're going to end up knackered if you never get a break,then he'll be looking after you and the children (i hope)
what an arse

l39 · 02/04/2010 09:01

YANBU.

For goodness' sake you're a midwife, you literally have lives in your hands. (Though he'd be unreasonable whatever your job was.)

thesteelfairy2 · 02/04/2010 09:05

YANBU.

Sadly though when I read threads like this I never feel surprised as my ex h never once got up with dc in the whole of their lives so far.

It seems to me that many men have a deep rooted belief that women are there to serve and put first every other member of the household and they get pretty resentful when the woman doesn't do what she is "supposed" to be doing.

yama · 02/04/2010 09:05

YANBU - I couldn't be with such a selfish person.

thesteelfairy2 · 02/04/2010 09:06

Hence his shouting and waking everyone up, deep down he feels that this is NOT his job and is expressing that.

LittleMrsHappy · 02/04/2010 09:08

Id remind him tey are his kids and if he wants tea/washed clothes/etc.... he'd better start helping out with his parental responsibilities!

Simples for me, or he would be put the door!

Dh was doing this and he knew I meant it, so now we share our responsibilities together.

doesntplaywellwithothers · 02/04/2010 09:11

YANBU...their his children, too, so he should take equal responsibility!! My DH gets up with the kids at night (if they wake), and gets up every weekday with them to give them brekkie before he goes to work. We alternate weekend mornings to lie in. He has never seen any of this as solely 'my' job...he is an equal parent in our house.

GibbonInARibbon · 02/04/2010 09:12

I am a SAHM and DH does long hours but we both get one lay in each at the weekend.

YANBU at all and I would be having a serious chat with him if I were you.

tummytime · 02/04/2010 09:15

YANBU. They are his children as well and he should share the responsibility for them. ATM we have one usually sleepy DD (3) and one completely wakeful DS (6mo) so I deal with DS but DH will look after DD if she wakes in the night and let me have weekend lie-ins or at least early nights despite working pretty horrible hours.

He is being a selfish twunt. Particularly unacceptable of him to wake up everyone else in the house.

MCDL · 02/04/2010 09:31

YAUBU. . This is total dis respect toward you. We have dd 3.8, I work part time, DP also works full time, if I am up for work in the morning it is a given that DP gets up if needs be ....

MCDL · 02/04/2010 09:32

Start as you mean to go on.. I would put an immediate stop to this ...

SalFresco · 02/04/2010 09:43

YANBU.

If DH started shouting and getting arsey in the night and was waking our other DC's, I think I would actually start hating him.

TheCrackFox · 02/04/2010 09:46

He sounds like a complete arse. Was he like this before you had Dcs?

runnybottom · 02/04/2010 09:52

Some of you married some right twats didn't you?

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