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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think that this doctors surgery really needs to review it's system?

74 replies

BattyKoda · 01/04/2010 19:44

DP took DS2 for his first jab today. He was told that they needed the mothers consent to give him the jab . He told them his name is on the birth certificate, and he holds equal parental responsibilty, but no, the nurse replied, it needs to be 'the person that gave birth to him' and proceeded to phone me and ask permission . DP came home really upset about this.... is this normal practice?

OP posts:

Original poster

BattyKoda · 01/04/2010 20:27

If they haven't, then they haven't seen proof of my PR either, and my surname is different!

OP posts:

FabIsGettingThere · 01/04/2010 20:28

But they know the baby is yours..

morningpaper · 01/04/2010 20:28

see here to get a Next Of Kin card

Sassybeast · 01/04/2010 20:30

I think you definately need to flag it up to the practice manager so that they can clarify the law for themselves. They may have had a complex experience with regards consent - not all parents agree re vaccination and they may just be being over vigilant and in the process have got completely the wrong idea of what they SHOULD be doing. When we get appointments cards at our surgery, they also include a letter which a parent must sign if they are not going to be present at the vaccinations.

Original poster

BattyKoda · 01/04/2010 20:30

How do they Fab? Because when I registered him I showed them his birth certificate with my name on it? With my DP's name on it?

OP posts:

Meglet · 01/04/2010 20:30

bloody hell! I look nothing like my dc's and they have XP's surname, I could be anyone taking them for their jabs. If anyone was going to be interrogated about being the parent then I'd be first in line.

BK I am about your gp's surgery.

mumof2children · 01/04/2010 20:31

but how do they know the baby is hers.

the last time i took ds to the doctors he was 1 years old with a doctor who no longer works in the gp surgery...he is now 4 and as you can imagine he has changed in the way he looks.

FabIsGettingThere · 01/04/2010 20:31

Oh I don't know. Just trying to help.

It is always going to be the way that women with the baby are assumed to be the mother. It is just how it is.

Original poster

BattyKoda · 01/04/2010 20:37

And men are assumed to be...what? A child snatcher?

OP posts:

Prinpo · 01/04/2010 20:38

I'd be really interested to know their rationale for this 'policy' (and whether, in fact, it is a formal policy of the surgery or just one practitioner's way of doing things). Undoubtedly, disputes about vaccinations can occur between parents that have separated (as well as those still together) but if a parent has PR then they are entitled to give consent for that vaccination unless there has been a court order to the contrary.

There's a huge amount going on nationally to try to make services more father-friendly and this does little to help the cause.

I'd be tempted not to complain but very calmly ask them to explain their policy and watch them squirm as you pick holes in their argument.

FabIsGettingThere · 01/04/2010 20:39

Look, stop snapping at me. It wasn't pleasant for your dp but it didn't stop the baby having their jab and the receptionist has a job to do. Make a complaint if you want too.

Original poster

BattyKoda · 01/04/2010 20:42

Sorry Fab, I don't mean to snap.. just can't see how this response can be justified.

OP posts:

FabIsGettingThere · 01/04/2010 20:47

I haven't said anything bad about dad's. I think they should have equal rights but if you are not married when the baby is born it isn't automatically the case.

If he was your ex taking the baby against your will wouldn't you want her to ring and check?

BoffinMum · 01/04/2010 20:49

Sexist crap this.
My DH takes ours for their jabs sometimes and there's never a fuss.

FabIsGettingThere · 01/04/2010 20:51

Probably because you are married.

Who knows why they are doing this if nowhere else has before. Ask them.

mumof2children · 01/04/2010 20:52

fab, maybe that has happend at the doctors so they are being cautious.

but i still think the docs should review the policy...maybe at the time you register wuth the doctors you give consent to who can take dc there

2andcounting · 01/04/2010 20:52

i would definitely complain- that's ridiculous!! this is bloody 2010

stripeyknickersspottysocks · 01/04/2010 20:53

Its got me thinking about Vit K that as a m/w I give to babies when they're newborn. Have always been told that we must ask the mother for consent. Have been told that if the parents are in disagreement then we go with the mother's wishes and ignore the dad. Thankfully never been in that position.

mumof2children · 01/04/2010 20:57

stripey.... i had to lol at that...but how can a mum who has just given birth and be on xyz drugs be capable of making that descion over a father who is in a fit state of mind ( after ds was born i was so high after the petadine i would of consented to anything)

Original poster

BattyKoda · 01/04/2010 21:58

Fab- I don't see why being married makes a difference in this case? He has his dad's name, I have a different surname, would have thought it would be me that might raise eyebrows.

If it was an ex taking him against my will it would be highly unlikely that he would know about the jab, the letter would come to the address where the child was resident, and if that was mine, then he wouldn't have the details. If the child was resident at his address then he would be responsible for the decision, IYSWIM.

Regardless, of all this, I wouldn't be on here sharing this experience with you if we had simply been asked to proove we were who we say we are. My DP was told that he could not give consent as he had not 'given birth' to his son. So they rang a telephone number (provided by my DP) and asked 'a woman' (there is no way they could've known who I was) for consent for a jab, and took that as consent, rather than his word, a person, in the flesh sharing the same surname as the child.

OP posts:

outnumbered2to1 · 01/04/2010 22:01

my brother took my DS2 for his first jabs cos i was sick. Surgery didn't bat an eyelid or ask him anything but HE did tell them he was DS2 uncle.

SoupDragon · 01/04/2010 22:02

WRT the vit k, that'll be because you can be sure the mother IS the mother. The man in the room may not be the father even if he thinks he is.

mumof2children · 01/04/2010 22:24

also i may add that as a married womwn you do not have to take on your husbands surname

stripeyknickersspottysocks · 03/04/2010 12:10

The same could be said for any children's injections though - that the man may not be the father.

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