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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that this doctors surgery really needs to review it's system?

74 replies

BattyKoda · 01/04/2010 19:44

DP took DS2 for his first jab today. He was told that they needed the mothers consent to give him the jab . He told them his name is on the birth certificate, and he holds equal parental responsibilty, but no, the nurse replied, it needs to be 'the person that gave birth to him' and proceeded to phone me and ask permission . DP came home really upset about this.... is this normal practice?

OP posts:
StewieGriffinsMom · 01/04/2010 20:04

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morningpaper · 01/04/2010 20:04

They are right though aren't they?

If you aren't married then you need to make sure proof of PR is on their medical records

If it is on their records already then YANBU

If you haven't not made sure of this then YABU

Original poster
BattyKoda · 01/04/2010 20:05

Mp - he has his Dad's surname, and he is one the birth certificate?

OP posts:
providentielle · 01/04/2010 20:06

I am a nanny and have taken 3 children for vaccinations and have never been questioned even though I was not related. I wouldn't have minded at all if I had been questioned over this but I think what happened to your dh today is awful and I would complain.

FabIsGettingThere · 01/04/2010 20:08

"So, clearly an adoptive Mum is not the mum to this twit." [econfused] SGM.

If the receptionist had been told that the baby was adopted I am sure she wouldn't have said to the dad it had to be the person who gave birth to the baby, as that clearly wasn't going to happen.

I do feel they can't win. There was a case where a couple couldn't agree whether the baby should be vaccinated or not and one of them could have taken the baby and had them done without the mothers permission. What then? Ultimately the mother is classed as the main parent.

Original poster
BattyKoda · 01/04/2010 20:08

on

OP posts:
Original poster
BattyKoda · 01/04/2010 20:10

'the main parent' Really? I consider us both completley equal.

OP posts:
morningpaper · 01/04/2010 20:10

You can put anyone's name on the birth certificate

Have you given them proof of PR? It needs to be on record. We did this for both of ours - why not just do it, so it is on file?

StewieGriffinsMom · 01/04/2010 20:11

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Original poster
BattyKoda · 01/04/2010 20:12

Do I need to gove proof of my parental responsibilty too?

OP posts:
StewieGriffinsMom · 01/04/2010 20:13

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FabIsGettingThere · 01/04/2010 20:14

Of course parents are equal but nothing can compare to actually giving birth/being the mother. It is only my opinion so it doesn't really matter.

Original poster
BattyKoda · 01/04/2010 20:14

Thing is, I've never been asked to confirm that I am the mother when I have taken either of my boys to have jabs, I could've been anyone!

OP posts:
morningpaper · 01/04/2010 20:14

Yes of course - you do this when you register the child's birth and obtain their NHS certificate

Why don't you just provide them with the evidence and put it on file?

MrsDinky · 01/04/2010 20:17

My DH got quizzed (words to the effect that it was highly unusual for anyone other than the mother to take them) when he took DS for some vaccs too, even though we are all patients there, they share the same surname (I do not) and he had his handheld record book with him. I was gobsmacked. Also had quite a rigmarole because the hospital named DS with my surname at birth and it took quite a long time for the correct surname to be applied to all his medical records.

Original poster
BattyKoda · 01/04/2010 20:18

Dp did that too.

The thing is, MP, they didn't ask for evidence, they told him that only 'the peron that gave birth to him' could give consent, so not sure what 'evidence' (other than having the same surname and being registered at the same doctors, with the same address) would change that? He feels completley undermined as a parent.

OP posts:
morningpaper · 01/04/2010 20:19

Sorry no you are right, if you are unmarried then you have to have consent to name the father

however, naming the father on the birth certificate only confers PR if the child is born after a certain date

Are you sure that they have proof already? If not, why not just give them proof? We did this for ours (born before the automatic PR) and made bloody sure it was all in writing.

fernie3 · 01/04/2010 20:20

when I took my first daughter to be vaccinated I was asked if I was her mother as at the time we had different surnames. When the HV comfirmed that I was in fact her mother I was allowed to take her in. I dont know what they would have said if the HV hadnt been there! I assume if they had checked they would have had some kind of record of my name? I dont know!

morningpaper · 01/04/2010 20:22

Well this is why people get married

Your parter will have more rights in law

If you are in a coma, then he can't consent to your treatment

If your children are injured, then unless you are married he will need all the right paperwork before he can consent to THEIR treatment

etc
etc
etc

Original poster
BattyKoda · 01/04/2010 20:22

He was born a year ago, after the certain date, and like I said before, they didn't ask for proof, they asked for 'the person that gave birth to him'

OP posts:
mumof2children · 01/04/2010 20:22

why should she have to prove he is the father.

put this in a wider spectrum....what if the baby needed an operation ....should the father be able to say go ahead or waste time trying to phone the mother.

who say the women on the phone was the mother it could of been anyone

Original poster
BattyKoda · 01/04/2010 20:23

Well luckily for us we are getting married in a couple of months.

OP posts:
slhilly · 01/04/2010 20:25

yes, I do think you should complain. I suggested writing to the senior partner as they have responsibility for what happens at the practice. I suggested cc'ing the director of commissioning to cover you from reprisal.

I wouldn't bother having a quiet chat with the practice manager if I were you. You are likely to get fobbed off and in most practices, what doctor says is what counts as they own the business.

Original poster
BattyKoda · 01/04/2010 20:26

This really concerns me actually.

At the moment we are not married, so if my DP needed consent for a blood transfusion and wasn't able to give it himself, this would fall to his mother? As his mum and dad aren't married, she would be the only person who could give consent?? But she is a Johavah's Witness, so she wouldn't give consent...

OP posts:
morningpaper · 01/04/2010 20:26

Have they SEEN evidence of PR? Is it on file?