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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to run forgotten stuff up to dd at school?

31 replies

oopslateagain · 01/04/2010 10:18

Dd is 12 and has an awful memory - just like mum

Anyway she is always forgetting things for school, stuff she really needs. She has a planner she's supposed to have every day, she's forgotten it three or four times this term, but she can get a 'day sheet' if she forgets, she only gets in trouble if she forgets it too many times.

But last week she forgot an IMPORTANT letter that I had put in her hand literally two minutes before she walked out the door, I waved her goodbye, went in the living room and it was on the table. I had to throw on clothes, run out the door, and leg it to catch her before she got to school. Half a mile at a jog before I've even had my coffee

Today she's forgotten her easter eggs for her friends, its the last day of term, so I'm off in 10 mins to take them up the school, it's a good 15 mins walk so at least I'll get my 30 mins of exercise today .

Now there are things like the letter that she HAD to have, but the eggs are just because I'll feel bad for her when her friends are giving out eggs and she doesn't have any.

My friends reckon I'm a soft touch and should let her get on with it. But my memory is bloody rotten too so I do feel a bit sorry for her.

Anyone else got dc's with terrible memories? Any tips for improving things? For me too

OP posts:
CMOTdibbler · 01/04/2010 10:21

You are a soft touch for taking the eggs up - the letter is a different matter. At 12 she really has to learn to start to sort things out for herself imo

gorionine · 01/04/2010 10:22

DD1 is like that too, so am I TBH.

I have one advantage on you though, DD4 goes to nursery in the same school for the afternoon session so I drop any forgotten items to school at that time without any extra walking!

moffat · 01/04/2010 10:23

YANBU - I would take the eggs too.

VotingBlue · 01/04/2010 10:25

I try not too, but invariably do...

At year 5 in DSs' school parents are not allowed to take things in as its supposed to build up the boys levels of personal responsibility.

BallpointPen · 01/04/2010 10:25

My DD forgets things for school quite often, my memory aint that great either but what I tend to do is put everything out she needs the night before, on the kitchen table, then it's there, right in front of us, so it's very hard to forget it.

She still does manage it sometimes though.

I would probably be taking the Easter eggs too.

Maleeka · 01/04/2010 10:25

I have to admit that i have the same situation, my daughter is as much as an airhead as me!

I have taken stuff to school for her, and i would probably take the eggs too. I have to learn to let go damnit!!!

She's 12 too but really petite for her age (still wearing 9-10 age stuff) so i forget that she really should do this stuff herself

bumpybecky · 01/04/2010 10:26

I take lunches and forgotten instruments but that's about it. School is 5 mins walk though, so not far

I wouldn't have gone in with the eggs, but probably would have done for the letter.

AxisofEvil · 01/04/2010 10:29

She has no incentive to bother remembering if you'll always run after her

diddl · 01/04/2010 10:31

I wouldn´t take them.
My daughter would rather take the flak for forgetting than have mummy turn up with it.

She won´t learn if you keep baiing her out.

upahill · 01/04/2010 10:36

I don't get this ' Oh they will never learn' of course they will!! When the time is right.

My mum and dad indulged me and made a huge nice fuss of me.
However once I left home I had to do things more for myself. Lesson quickly learned.

I would take the eggs, Of course I would.

Dh does the morning stuff and goes through with everything DS 1&2 need. Occasionaly things get forgotten but it isn't a big hardship to help out.

Anyway in a another couple of decades I will probably be losing my mind so they will be helping me out, like my dad is doing for my nana and grandad now!

AMumInScotland · 01/04/2010 10:38

I would have gone with the letter - assuming it had to be in that day - but not the eggs. I think you do have to make it mostly their responsibility by 12, as they should be getting their own systems for dealing with things.

If you have a bad memory, you have to have a reliable system instead - if she needs her planner every day, then it needs to never be out of her bag except when she's referring to it, and go straight back into her bag once she's finished.

If she needs different things on different days, then she needs a copy of her timetable somewhere obvious, plus a system for keepng the right books together. DS had 5 solid magazine racks labelled Monday to Friday for his school books - when he took stuff out of his bag in the afternoon, he did any homework there and then if possible, then put the books for each subject into the box for the day they would be needed next. Then he could just put the next day's books straight into his bag and be ready for morning.

Any letters etc also went straight into the bag once they were ready, so no running round in the morning trying to remember them.

bruffin · 01/04/2010 10:42

I have a 12 and 14 year old and if they forget something they don't have an option of anyone bailing them out.
Schools is 7 miles away, I don't drive and work 9 to 3 and Dh works 50 miles away.

MrsWeasley · 01/04/2010 10:47

I took a CD up that my DS (age 12) needed for a lesson and despite promises that it would be given to him within half and hour as they understood it was for a lesson, it sat in the office for 2 weeks in the orginal envelope where someone had marked it urgently required for lesson 2 and the date and it just sat there!

It wasnt even DS's fault for forgetting it as the teacher had changed some lessons around and had phoned asking me to bring the CD up!

diddl · 01/04/2010 11:13

How will she learn to think about what she needs & check before leaving the house if someone always turns up with it?

12 is old enough imo to take some responsibility.

ElleBing · 01/04/2010 11:24

Don't do it!

My little brother always had my DM running about remembering things for him. Now he's 22 and guess what? She's STILL running about after him. Never had to think for himself because mummy will do it for him.

Sounds harsh but she's gotta learn. You won't be there to remind her that she's got to take books to lectures when she's at uni',or that she's got to pay bills by a certain time when she lives by herself. Tough love, my love!

Lonnie · 01/04/2010 11:27

I would take the eggs if it didnt mean I would be late for other appointments.

I would have a talk if it was a regular occurance but with my 4 it happens max twice a year with each of them ok so thats 8 trips in total but I dont think thats unresonable I think its love caring about people we love

ScreaminEagle · 01/04/2010 11:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

minipie · 01/04/2010 11:30

Gosh. I don't remember either of my parents ever ever bringing stuff into school that we'd forgotten - we just had to cope.

Nessarose · 01/04/2010 11:33

I would have taken the chocolate eggs in to

coldtits · 01/04/2010 11:33

What the HELL Nessarose?????????

AMumInScotland · 01/04/2010 11:40

Those bunnies are multiplying

stickylittlefingers · 01/04/2010 11:44

what are these bunnies? I just had one on one of my earlier posts. Is it infiltration?

emmymama · 01/04/2010 11:55

i would and ds's school is half hour walk away, i took him in in his uniform once on none uniform day and took his clothes back up to him...

he has asd tho and gets really really upset if things like that happens, he would have been distraght at not having the eggs!

Nessarose · 01/04/2010 12:02

Coldtits you have to use chocolate to get them.

Original poster
oopslateagain · 01/04/2010 12:13

Just got back from the school, it was worth the walk (all uphill in gale force wind, at least it felt like it!) just to see her face all lit up with a smile

What did I miss about chocolate and bunnies? MN doing april fool or something?

Ah well a good excuse to MN for an hour...

OP posts: