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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to be want to resign from the PTA?

42 replies

reeva · 01/04/2010 06:07

My children started a new school in September. I made it known that I was willing to help out in the school and was asked to come along to the PTA meetings. By November, I was asked if I would be secretary as there was a vacancy. Naively I thought it would just be making meeting minutes and some correspondence.
But it is not...!
There was a meeting this week. They want an agenda, so I put together what I thought I was a sensible one and got the head and the chair to approve it. Then I emailed it to all the members telling them the date of the next meeting.
But at the meeting the chair makes it clear that as i made the meeting, I should also chair the meeting (whilst keeping the minutes) and the deputy chair doesn't like anything I do differently so she sits making catty remarks and generally glaring at me.
The whole meeting turns into a series of private conversations and they ignore the agenda they insisted I write.
Now I am getting a series of emails complaining that I didn't fully record in the minutes everything each of them said (even though there were 3 conversations at once at some points) and the chair even added that the minutes were too long so i was wasting paper (whilst giving me a list of her musings that i missed). (And they are copying the emails to each other).
It got so bad that the head phoned me yesterday to see what i think about it.
So I am fed up and want to leave them to it but I know that the deputy chair (who still looks like the playground bully I would lay money that she was) will hold it against me in the playground.

OP posts:
reeva · 01/04/2010 06:12

and the other thing is that the meeting was well attended this time with people who don't usually bother but came this time because I'd sent them an agenda and lots of advance notice...
so it was just embarrassing to have them there listening to what really was just chaos.

OP posts:
racmac · 01/04/2010 06:34

I think if i was you id send a polite but to the point email telling them they have made you feel unwelcome and explain your reasons why.

JollyPirate · 01/04/2010 06:34

Personally I think they are taking the piss. You are there ina voluntary role which you have been blasted into with no real consent. I think people on PTA committees lose sight of what the thing is about sometimes - the school and children. It should be fairly informal with everyone supporting each other for the good of the school NOT making catty remarks and playing some kind of one upmanship games. I take part in our PTA as well and there are people there who are just plain rude - Xmas I went in to help make hot dogs for the infant Xmas disco - they gave me lord alone knows how many tins of hot dogs to open which I merrily started doing. When I had opened nearly all of them it suddenly became apparent that we only needed X number of tins opened and I had opened waaayyy more. One of the other Mums immediately started making comments and moaning and muttered the immortal line "but she's opened too many tins" before being ushered out by one of the other Mums who obviously realised how rude she was.

PTAs are fine but not if you are in any official role it seems. There could be some underlying issues here that you are not aware of. Maybe someone else wanted the role you have and you were asked to prevent her taking it.

I would e-mail everyone back and say you were asked to take this role which you did entirely voluntarily, you were not made aware that this meant you would also need to chair the meeting as taking minutes and chairing a meeting generally do not go together. That you took the salient points and cannot record every conversation people have but that it was a fair representation of what people said. Then resign - make it clear you will continue to volunteer help but will not put up with abuse. Let someone else take this thankless task

activate · 01/04/2010 06:43

Dear xx

I am finding the position of secretary and the demands on my time untenable so am afraid I am going to have to resign this position but am happy to continue to attend as a PTA member.

I took on the role as secretary as requested to then find that the expectation was that I would become the promoter, chair and minute-taker all rolled into one. This is not an acheivable position and I felt uncomfortable being placed in it.

Please accept this notification as my formal resignation and I look forward to receiving the agenda for the next meeting.

reeva · 01/04/2010 06:51

You are probably right about there being politics that I do not know about, but its not that someone else wanted the job. I know this because the role had been vacant since the summer.

It is a voluntary job which seems to be a point that passes some of them by.

If i am being charitable, I would say the deputy chair just can't help it.. it is her nature to throw her weight around and to be hostile to new people until she decides whether they pass or not. If I am being uncharitable then i would say something about the difference in our education and professional backgrounds! (yep- i am p*ed off!).

I wrote back the chair yesterday to say that it is difficult to get every detail when there are multiple conversations at once and is there any way that she could make it so that only one person talks at a time and that we deal with one subject at a time when she is chairing the meeting?

Mainly I am just thinking of how to exit. How would it sound if I said sorry things have changed in my work life since I joined and with my work commitments etc, I can't commit to the secretary role as I thought I could but rather than leave you in the lurch, I'll give you until the summer to find a replacement?

OP posts:
SimonCowellIsSatan · 01/04/2010 07:05

I'd probably make my exact feelings known. You're an adult doing a volounteers job and being patronised and belittled for doing the best you were able to in a situation where no one was paying any attention to the effort that you were making is a total disgrace.

LoveBeingAMummy · 01/04/2010 07:32

There's a reason why this role had been unfilled since the summer, if you say you'll stay till they find a replacement you'll be there forever

Basically if it nly involved what you thought it wold at the start would you still want to do it? If so get that changed if not resign with immediate/notice.

MayorNaze · 01/04/2010 07:36

this is why i resigned from my pta.

AND put my reasons in an email and copied it to the whole committee including the headteacher. factually not bitchily.

a couple of people actually came up to me discreetly and congratulated me for saying what they were not brave enough to.

unfortunately, if you have a bad 'un, stay well clear

SPBInDisguise · 01/04/2010 07:41

agree with the rest
and chair & minute taker do not go together - you understandably did a bad job at chairing as you were taking the damn minutes!!

reeva · 01/04/2010 07:42

LoveBeingAMummy - no, this week has left a bad taste in my mouth so even if the job turned back into what I thought it would involve, I would want to leave (but I would feel guilty).

OP posts:
gorionine · 01/04/2010 07:45

I find the attitude of your PTA collegues terrible! Have they got too many people in your PTA that they can afford to be horrible to them? All the PTAs I know struggle to get to 10 members.

I do not think that you should invent work commitments or anything, activate's letter is a perfect way to resign.

racmac · 01/04/2010 07:48

I think you should make it clear why you are leaving the role - how else are they going to realise.

Im shocked that they can treat people like this - i would be very blunt but thats me!

reeva · 01/04/2010 07:54

racmac ... i see what you are saying but I have still got to face them in the playground at drop-off and pick-up. Plus my children won't want to be left out when all the other kids in their classes go to PTA events, so I'll have to see them there too.
I'm still new and although I am beginning to make friends at the the school, I can't afford enemies. I thought the treasurer was becoming a friend but she made a quick exit at the end of the meeting and somehow managed to keep at least 10 yards away from me at pick-up yesterday. (I guess she doesn't want to get involved).

OP posts:
MayorNaze · 01/04/2010 07:56

hold your head high - SMILE at the feckers and make other friends. this sort always have a reputation, albeit an "underground" one - everyone will know what they are like really. don't let them bully you

reeva · 01/04/2010 07:59

I say they.. but really it was just the deputy chair and maybe the chair. The deputy chair is a strong character though and always seems to have a little group around her.

(The sight of it takes me back to my school days when there always seemed to be one biggish, tough girl who smoked and wore make-up before anyone else and who always had a group of wannabe-bully mates around her and all the other girls just did their best to avoid catching their attention.)

OP posts:
gorionine · 01/04/2010 08:00

Reeva, they clearly are not your friends if they treat you like that! A lot of other people in your school are not part of the PTA and still go to the events so you can still take your children there. Do not feel bad, they should!

MayorNaze · 01/04/2010 08:01

it is exactly that OP - little playground bullies who think they are better than everybody else. you are well rid!!

GettinTrimmer · 01/04/2010 08:03

I used to be the chair of dd's pre-school committee because no-body else would do it.

I ended up at the end doing the agenda and minutes, a couple of the mums seemed to think they could do a better job, talked over me while I was keeping to the agenda I wrote, said they weren't good at taking minutes and wouldn't do it - I've just heard the committee has gone belly-up with nobody doing anything at all!

They can't afford to lose you, if you did the agenda, minutes and chaired the meeting! If I were you, go to the head and ask if she/he has time to have a meeting with all of you to discuss who does what. Wouldn't blame you though for leaving.

hocuspontas · 01/04/2010 08:26

WALK AWAY! Do what activate says - write a factual letter explaining why the role is not for you. This is a handful of people! Don't be cowed or bullied - the majority of mums in my school have nothing to do with the PTA but attend the events and, ok, we may have moaned about them in meetings never helping but we certainly didn't personalise it in the playground and welcomed their cash! I repeat - they are a minority, they can't make your life a misery. Smile at them then make some REAL friends. Good luck!

thesecondcoming · 01/04/2010 09:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

porcamiseria · 01/04/2010 09:31

agree, trim it. Its sounds very unprofessional. you tried your best, dont throw good money after bad!

and dont let bully scare you, stand your ground

AvengingGerbil · 01/04/2010 09:36

The chair should chair the meeting, not the secretary, whoever puts together the agenda.

If more than one person is speaking at a time, the chair needs to stop them. It's a meeting, not a kaffee-klatsch.

If they don't understand this, leave them to it and resign.

thesecondcoming · 01/04/2010 09:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

claw3 · 01/04/2010 09:51

As Secretary you should have asked other members what they wanted put on the agenda. Chair should have chaired the meeting not you and put a stop to general chit chat

The Head should remind everyone of what their roles are and that you are all volunteers doing the best that you can.

If it has upset you that much and you dont want to continue, then dont worry about what they think.

Boobalina · 01/04/2010 10:39

Hi there

Have a look at the NCPTA website (your PTA should be members anyway) and it clearly defines the roles on the PTA

The Chair actually chairs the meeting, keeping it to the agenda points, keeping the meeting to time and being unbiased

The Deputy Chair steps in if the chair is unavailable and supports the chair

The secretary records and circulates the minutes to members and helps type up the agenda.

Your Chair and Deputy are taking the piss and have made themselves look like dicks in the meeting, not you - they arent doign their role properly - not you.

The NCPTA are a great organisation to help you and a mine of relevant information.

Its fundraising - plain and simple - it should be FUN. Leave all the nitty gritty to the Parent Council or boar of Governers.

Some PTA members become facists very quickly!

Good luck

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