to be want to resign from the PTA?

[reeva]

My children started a new school in September. I made it known that I was willing to help out in the school and was asked to come along to the PTA meetings. By November, I was asked if I would be secretary as there was a vacancy. Naively I thought it would just be making meeting minutes and some correspondence.
But it is not...!
There was a meeting this week. They want an agenda, so I put together what I thought I was a sensible one and got the head and the chair to approve it. Then I emailed it to all the members telling them the date of the next meeting.
But at the meeting the chair makes it clear that as i made the meeting, I should also chair the meeting (whilst keeping the minutes) and the deputy chair doesn't like anything I do differently so she sits making catty remarks and generally glaring at me.
The whole meeting turns into a series of private conversations and they ignore the agenda they insisted I write.
Now I am getting a series of emails complaining that I didn't fully record in the minutes everything each of them said (even though there were 3 conversations at once at some points) and the chair even added that the minutes were too long so i was wasting paper (whilst giving me a list of her musings that i missed). (And they are copying the emails to each other).
It got so bad that the head phoned me yesterday to see what i think about it.
So I am fed up and want to leave them to it but I know that the deputy chair (who still looks like the playground bully I would lay money that she was) will hold it against me in the playground.

I am the chair our is PTA and due to the lack of commitment from my vice and catty other members I have decided to leave at the end of this school year (I'm in my 2nd year). I have told them that I would not have time to help this term due to work and would just chair the meetings. They have not taken this so well and by the way they are acting I don't think they were listening as I still have to run the gauntlet at the gates each morning.

YANBU to leave they have put you in an awkward position and have clearly misled you to what the job would entail. Our secretary just sorts out the minutes and I sort out the agenda and chair each meeting. I would just speak to the Head send a letter to the Chair and and just be a member in a lesser capacity. They sound like a bit of an odd bunch.

YANBU. It's awful to voluntarily give up your time and effort and be treated like this, but sadly I think it must be quite common as a similar thing happened to me.

The chair should, well, chair the meeting and the secretary should take the minutes. The chair should also manage the meeting to ensure that there is no more than one conversation at once. If you want out, I would resign and give your reasons as others have suggested.

Are other parents frustrated by the way the meetings are run and would be prepared to support you? If the current PTA isn't benefiting the school or the children, one option would be to table a motion of no confidence, to get the chair ousted from her position. You would need a thick skin and support from other parents to be able to do this. It probably isn't worth it if you want a quiet life, but could be a way to go if you feel strongly and you like a bit of a challenge

They are taking the piss.
FWIW, I was briefly chair of the preschool committee and we also had the 3 conversations at once all on trivial matters phenomena. It was all new to me (I had never been on any sort of committee at all before that) so I didn't hammer down on it and make them all take proper turns -- I would now be a right dragon if I had to do it all over again. Sometimes you just can't believe that adults need to be policed like that, though...

Yeah I'd probably resign in your place, OP. JollyPirate's suggestions on how are good. You could covertly cultivate a coven of good friends in preparation for taking over the PTA in future, though.

So - you don't want to leave becuase you want to be helping - which is great.

I would write to the Chair and make it very plain that you agreed to be the secretary, not Chair and that, in future you will not try to combine the roles as it clearly does not work effectively.

I would then set out the dates for the next meetings (I presume that these are already set up) and ask her to provide you with the agenda to circulate by the day before you need to send them out - so that you can type it up if necessary. I would remind her when its coming up to that date that the agenda needs to be with you. I would then circulate either the agenda (if she has provided them) or a note to people reminding them that the meeting is happening but you have not yet been given the agenda to circulate.

If at the next meeting things break down into general chaos, be bloody minded and say at the next pause 'what would people like me to minute from that section - I'm sorry but I could not hear all of the various discussions' or words to that effect. I've sometimes written the minutes for meetings and a reasonable committee should be quite happy for this - better than notes of endless discussions and who said what if you can just note down the salient points and any actions required.

Sounds as though you need some good luck though!

I used to work on a health service committee where minutes would be passed back and forth. It drove the person writing them crazy, and certain members were so obsessed with the minutes that they seemed to forget why they were there in the first place.

At our school, we have a lady from the office that writes the minutes. It is part of her paid role within the school to work for the PTA, so she does not have to do it in her own time. It works well doing it this way, and our PTA meetings do not have any of this cattiness. We do have the usual problems of the same people doing the work, but that is universal.

You are suffering from the predictable grief that comes from committees made up of volunteers who may well have absolutely no experience of meetings, let alone the appropriate way of delegating business or chairing them.

It's awful (I speak from bitter experience!) and you won't change the modus operandi of the currently constituted PTA. So I'd opt for the tactful letter regretting that new commitments now make it impossible for you to remain as secretary beyond the next meeting.

Oh well, at least I am not the only one! I honestly wanted to help and now that I can see how things are done I think I could help. One of the big problems is a lack of helpers, but if they behave like a clique then what do they expect?
As my role seems to be subtitled whip-the-new-girl, I am not willing to play along. I'll speak to the chair when the holidays are over and then the next meeting, scheduled at the end of that week will be my last. Unless they especially wanted a victim to bully, I doubt my leaving will make much difference.

I used to feel that I should contribute to the school but not at this price!

Reeva how did you get on?

You have my sympathies. I got bludgeoned into taking on the role of class rep at the DDs' first school, as everyone else was "too busy" to do it (I was the only WOHM as well).

I got grief from all the mothers, could do nothing right - even the end of term meal was fraught with difficulties as most of them never set foot outside the village. The final straw was the teacher writing "see me" - addressed to me, in DD2's home school diary. When I did, she was so patronising to me, asking me if I had "ever dealt with foreigners or groups of ladies before."

It was really the most stressful thing I have ever done - all the grief from the people who were too busy to do the job, but found plenty of time to tell me how I should be doing it. Resign - I did, and it was the best thing I ever did.

Get out while the goings good!
When my son started primary school I was mad keen to help. I let myself be talked into being secretary of the pta. It was a nightmare. Although to be fair, the headmaster was the biggest problem. He used to witter on for hours about crap, overrule every suggestion he hadnt made, and generally be a pest. One or two of the other members of the comittee were big characters as well, and the rest of us were pretty much ignored. I lost count of the suggestion I put forward that were rejected, only to be suggested by someone else a couple of months later and applauded! I would take minutes, plan agendas which were ignored, work like a slave with a few others at events and more than a few of us were very disattisfied. Things came to a head, when whilst planning a regular yearly fundraiser, I was talked into putting my name on the insurance and liability documents, naming myself ultimately responsible, and I was then summarily sidelined, with no other job to do! In the end, me and one particular friend, just resigned. We were becoming resentful of people who, outside the meetings, we considered good friends. It just wasnt worth it.

I'm a clerk for school governors, I'd would never put up with this, and I get paid.
The Chair "chairs" the meeting. It is their job to make sure that there is only one meeting, not several at the same time.
Minutes reflect what was said, but not verbatim. I've always been taught that good minutes avoid naming names at all. It's "A member asked if" and "The Headteacher informed the committee that". Keeping names out avoids people playing political point-scoring games.
I think they're lucky you didn't resign as soon as they started moaning.
I agree with the others, write explaining why you are resigning and run away.

You have a crap Chair. The Chair HAS to chair the meeting, and keep control of what is going on - i.e. not allow more than one person to speak at a time. Explain this to her - firmly. Don't worry about being disliked by some little clique - they will soon forget about you and pick on someone else. Keep smiling!

Well the role of the chair is to chair the bloody meeting - they don't HAVE to but it's unfair to get the minute taker to do it. And the chair to get evetryone to the point and possibly even put time limits against each item.

I've done minutes and chair a meeting at the same time - two different skills and it's not advisable.

I've done loads of minutes - I'm pretty confident in them. They shouldn't be word for word just the jist of what was said and I always highlight any agreements and also action points.

They sounds AWFUL.

If you want to stay and continue as secretary do the following.

Ask for agenda items by a certain date and write them up and circulate (the HT or chair might want to sign them off first) and any other items will jolly well have to come in the last item with which usually ANY OTHER BUSINESS.

I do agenda's like this.

1. minutes of the last meeting - get them signed off.
2. Progress against action points (I minute tthem at meetings and put them as agenda items at next meeting so people can update on what they have done or need to do etc)

Last one is AOB and then also date of the next meeting which should be agreed at the meeting so you can ensure it will be quorate, everyone knows about it and can put it their diary then and then (ie a commitment) and you do not have to faff around in your own time trying to get diary dates and noone respond to your emails.

Only do the minutes or only chair the meeting - don't do both.

If anything doesn't sound right or confused stop the meeting and ask for clarification. I always did this and no one minded.

Note that it is NORMAL for there to be amends - so don't get intimidated by the amount of people coming back to you with changes - you often find they are being political and their amendments are actually not reflective of what happened in the meeting. Do what they ask and they can thrash it out at the next meeting when they sign them off.

Minutes are an overview with agreements and actions - not he said/she said.

They sound awful so don't even think about being justifying yourself to them.

good advice about not attributing comments to people. I usually avoid it too but last time I put them in, mainly because I was hacked off with the meeting and I wanted to do the minutes as quickly as possible and put it behind me. I couldn't be bothered spending time going through their comments to arrange the minutes to make the whole thing sound like there had actually been a sensible discussion (which I usually do). So instead I typed up what they'd said as per my notes, and I attributed the remarks thinking if they saw it in writing they would realise how bad it was...! BIG MISTAKE!! They liked seeing their own comments in print and sent me corrections for anything I hadn't written out fully or attributed. I did get complaints though that the whole thing was too long (i.e. each person wants me to fully detail what they say but briefly summarise everyone else's!).

The children are still on holiday though so I can't resign until school resumes next week.

It does feel like a weight off my shoulders though ever since I decided to resign.

Hmm. There is a reason and super strong hint in the names of the roles and jobs that should have given your chair a clue as to who should have chaired the meeting. Not like it's called Secretarying the meeting is it!

And I don't think you should be particularly apologetic or give personal excuses of things like work committments as to why you don't want to remain as Secretary. If that's the way you have to go then it's almost like the hold they have over you is like a bully over you.

Definitely worth stating clearly the reasons why you are leaving the position, but that you want to stay on the PTA and hold your head up high and let them get on with bitching.

How did the head sound when they contacted you yesterday - do you think she is used to having to sort out the effects of having a bullying deputy head?