AIU/WWYD - nearly burst into tears and feel really angry now.

[JaneS]

What happened to me today doesn't happen often, but I've never found a good way to deal with it.

The backstory is that I am dyslexic and fully literate, but I do struggle to fill in forms because I don't find it easy to write block caps or to copy information. I can't do numbers at all - any number longer than 3 digits I can't memorize without a huge struggle, and if I copy a number I will almost always reverse some digits. I cope fine in my day-to-day life (which is postgrad study), but I struggle with admin tasks, esp. banking. I'm aware that people often assume I'm illiterate and trying to hide it.

I'm trying to keep this short, but basically the bank cashier today asked me to come back with 'someone who looks after you'. I'd failed to fill in the numbers on a form correctly, twice in a row, after telling her I struggled to do this and would she mind helping me. I assume she thought I was of very low intelligence but I felt really humiliated (aside from the fact I don't can't imagine how horrible that would feel for someone of genuinely low intelligence who was trying to manage on their own).

WWYD? I did speak to the manager as I wasted a lot of time filling in forms incorrectly and not being given any help from the cashier, but I am considering putting in a formal complaint.

BTW hope you're feeling better about it now OP.

What the blinking fuck? How dare she say that to you? Does she say that to visually impaired/elderly people who also might have trouble with form-filling? If so, she needs to re-think her job.

I used to work in retail and we used to get customers in who were blind and deaf as well as dyslexic people and there is absolutely no reason to make them feel different from other customers. If they're having problems, just deal with it discreetly and move on.

Silly cow.

I know how upsetting this sort of thing can be. I have no formal diagnosis of dyslexia, but my spelling is poor and find it hard to write down a word if some one spells it out to me. They have to go very slowly or I just get the first 3 letters then get stuck. This has resulted it shop staff taking my cheque book from me without asking and generally treating me as if I was stupid.

This sounds like a breakdown in communication to me. I'm wondering why you only explain you're dyslexic if someone asks - if you tell people you struggle with filling in forms, it wouldn't be unreasonable for them to assume you have general learning needs. Do you think the cashier would have reacted differently if you'd said please could you help me with the form because I'm dyslexic? Also, I'm wondering why you would be so upset at what was obviously a misunderstanding, and if on some level having dyslexia has affected your self esteem quite badly in spite of your other achievements. In that situation I would have been mildly irritated but also slightly amused. Don't let it get to you!

That's disgusting behaviour from the bank cashier. The times I was asked to write cheques out for customers(worked in a shop in the 80's)and not once did I question their reasons; I was glad to help...not to mention, I just love writing on cheque book paper I miss cheque writing

I'd complain and take it further. Clearly she needs more customer service training.

I am horrified. At the bank manager too! He should have apologized unreservedly, not making any excuse for the horrible cashier! Must have been horrible for you.

Am ashamed to say it is barclays I work for! And we are working really really hard to improve things like the experince at the counter as very often this is all people see of the bank when they come in and it is upon the counter staff that a lot of people base their opinion of the whole bank on.

It makes me furious that you have been made to feel like this. Were you happy with the managers resolution-if not do ask him to escalate it.

Wrt paying in books as long as you have your debit card and pin with you and can be identified via the pin sentry and id questions you can order one without filling out a form if they help at all.

YANBU - might be worth checking beforehand if covered by Disabilty discrimination act and mentioning that to the bank in a formal complaint and suggesting more training.

It is a form of discrimination in that while it would not be standard practice for most customers that you have a disability means they should be making sure it does not stop you accessing their services, by e.g. filling in the slip for you.

I deal with customers in similar position and would just automatically fill out the form and get them to check and sign. Only takes as long as it would for them to stand there and do it. NOt exactly difficult or challenging.

Sorry very tired and so hope that made sense.

Geeky Girl, why should she have to explain herself? OP has no self-esteem issues... Find it bonkers that you've come to that conclusion...

YANBU please do complain my mum is Dyslexic she is a very shy person (because of situations like this) and would never stand up for herself in this situation. So the more confident people doing so will not only benefit themselves but also benefit those unable to do so.

I bet the woman in questions knows she was very wrong in what she said but she will also know that people with such problems as usually humiliated by such treatment and rarely complain.

GeekyGirl, I do have learning needs. That is the point. For everything I do in the bank, I have learning needs. In fact, I probably come across as if my IQ is very low. So what?

The reason I am furious is that I am lucky enough that these needs don't spread to the rest of my life. I have the luxury of being able to be angry about this, because I know (deep down) that the woman behind the counter was being a bit of a jobsworth. But when I am in that bank, I look exactly like someone who has far more problems, who is less able to chalk this experience off as one patronizing experience amongst a multitude of positive ones.

That said, I will try really hard to be 'amused' next time. Next time, it'll be really funny that I waste my morning failing to pay in a cheque, and therefore defaulting on my rent. It'll probably be hilarious when I fail to fill in my student grant form properly and don't get the grant through on time. I'll laugh out loud when next I get told I can't possibly expect to be eligible for a disabled student's loan since I am clearly too dim to be on the course.

When I've finished finding it really funny, maybe you'll come and walk a mile in my shoes so you can tell me all the best jokes?

Agree with spacehopper. That 'come back' was the step way too far.
I'm sure you know, but you should be eligible to claim DSA and will receive support with your study.

LittleRedDragon - you don't have general learning needs (or low intelligence as you call it), you have a specific learning difficulty. All I'm saying is, if you had explained to the cashier that you needed help with the form because you are dyslexic, she would not have assumed you were of low intelligence. I do agree she was a bit insensitive, but I feel your distressed reaction indicates you do doubt your intelligence.

Also, BessieBoots, there may be some situations in which we shouldn't need to explain ourselves, but to avoid misunderstandings and make life easier, why not explain?

Dyslexia is not something to be ashamed of and life would be much better if we all communicated more effectively!

But Geekygirl, LRD did ask for help and this was refused. Explaining yourself does not always guarantee help, partly because a lot of people do not understand what having dyslexia can mean.

My son is 25, he finds it humiliating to ask for help because even if he says he is dyslexic, he is still treated as if he is stupid. He finds forms hard, he cannot read a clock (he has had people being abusive if he ask what the time is and there is a clock nearby.) He struggles with months of the year, days of the week and organizational tasks. He has been subject to quite a lot of nastiness. This has been the case since he was at school - thats a lot of years, no wonder he is cautious about setting himself up for people to be rude to.

He doesn't doubt his intelligence, he's an intelligent man, LRD knows she is an intelligent woman, being distressed when somebody is gratuitously unpleasant doesn't indicate she doubts herself.

Surely if someone asks for help in the bank, it should be given, you shouldn't have to justify why you might need it, the reasons are irrelevant.

Geekygirl, as it happens, my full scale IQ is well below the average range. By that measure, I do have 'low intelligence'. However, as I have said, my point is that, in that place and at that time, I was to all intents and purposes like someone with general needs. I feel terrible to think they may have had the treatment I did.

I don't doubt my intelligence, as it happens. However, I am aware that my intelligence is all over the shop. In some areas I am very bright, in others, very dim. You seem to be suggesting that I should just smile and nod if I am discriminated against, and if I don't do this, then it must be because I doubt my abilities. Please explain why you think this?

As to communication: yes, perhaps, I should wear a T-shirt telling everyone I'm dyslexic. I did say that I tell people I am dyslexic if they ask, after I explain that I don't fill in forms well. Oddly enough, I prefer that it doesn't define me, so it's not usually my first conversational gambit.

It might feel fine to you that I should constantly start conversations with 'Hi, I'm dyslexic', but believe me, it isn't easy to do so. Part of my research is involved with the question of what we mean by dyslexia (and what we mean by 'reading'). I find it humiliating that you think I should constantly apologize for a something that, in my view, is nothing worth apologizing for.

Kurri, your son and I are the same age, how odd! Thanks for standing up for me - I am honestly not at all 'ashamed' of my dyslexia - in fact I think it is a strength - but still it doesn't take much to remind me of how I felt when I was 7 and still struggling to read. Not nice at all.

(Oh, and saw myself in your description of your son - I can't do my alphabet and it drives people mad! I get Tuesday and Thursday mixed up too )

very on your behalf, definitely make a complaint!

'someone who looks after you' FFS

LRD, I think you should complain customer service is shocking and that woman had no right to do that, I too am dyslexic and know how it feels to be treated like this, try to not take it personally easier said than done though.

loolop, so sorry I missed your last post - thanks so much for the advice. I will see if they'll give me a pay-in book next time. Onwards and upwards! (Mind you I never know my pin, I always do it by mother's maiden name and so on, but hopefully it will work).

LRD - I am an old lady DS sees his dyslexia as a strength too, and so do I, I'm very proud of him. Your research sounds very interesting, best of luck with it

Oh, sorry! Kurri, I didn't mean to lecture you on dyslexia as a strength - I meant that as a response to Geeky girl.

Is embarrassed now

Don't be - I didn't take as you lecturing at all, - was nice to hear you feel the same as DS