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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to expect the school to tell me where my 5 yo DD is ?

70 replies

brassband · 31/03/2010 17:44

I went to pick my reception aged child up from school this afternoon .By the time I got there the teacher had already started letting them out and DD wasn't there.I looked around the playground and couldn't see her.the teacher told me she had gone with a friend who lives in a different area.I vaguely remember discussing with the mum last week that wednesday would probably be a good night but we hadn't made a firm arrangement as far as I can remember.
This family lives in a different area and I hadn't got as far as asking phone numbers and address.
I explained this to the school and asked for this girls address.They wouldn't tell me because they said it was confidential information.Eventually after talking to another parent I managed to get a phone number,which I rung but there was no reply.
After getting back from picking DS up there was a message on the answer phone saying they would bring her back at 6.But still I have no idea where she is
I am furious with the school for giving away my dd to someone without my consent and then refusing to give me their address.

OP posts:
Fliight · 01/04/2010 13:20

2rebecca I hate to say this but you are talking nonsense re the parents thing, I don't have the engery to get into a row with someone about it now but you really have no idea what you are on about.

FabIsGettingThere · 01/04/2010 13:26

At our school in years R, 1 and 2 the children are handed individually to parents.

NoahAndTheWhale · 01/04/2010 13:27

My DS in Y1 is handed to me individually - the teacher comes out of the classroom into the playground with the children in a line and until the teacher is happy the child has seen their parent, they can't go.

DD in mixed nursery/reception also handed back individually. For her class you need to fill in a form for them going home with someone else.

Y2 are also handed out individually. Y3 and Y4 do come out on their own.

MollieO · 01/04/2010 13:34

At ds's school (he's 5) you have to send in written permission if someone else is collecting your child. No written permission then they are not authorised to allow other parent to take child.

I wouldn't be annoyed at other parent. Maybe the arrangement was more fixed in their mind than it seems to have been in yours.

If this happened to ds I would be making a complaint in writing to the teacher/head of year and head.

ElleBing · 01/04/2010 13:38

Not on.

What if any old Milly Molly or Mandy turns up and says that you have given permission for DD to be taken by them? Thickos.

On a related note, I picked up DD from playgroup last week and the assistant who I've not seen before said "which one is your LO?" and I pointed out my LO. She didn't question me or anything and just ushered my LO towards me, which unnerved me a bit.

OrmRenewed · 01/04/2010 13:39

I don't know. It depends on the area the school is in. Round here everyone knows everyone else, in fact they are usually related so 'Auntie X' taking a few extra kids home with her wouldn't raise an eyebrow. I have always made sure the teachers knew mine were going with someone else after school but not all parents do because they don't see a need. The school has to assume that parents of other pupils are safe don't they?

I'd be a bit annoyed with the mother though - she could at least have waited until you arrived to check details.

DwayneDibbley · 01/04/2010 13:44

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Message withdrawn

cat64 · 01/04/2010 15:46

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OrmRenewed · 01/04/2010 15:50

True cat.

I think you get a bit more relaxed about such things when your children are older. It all seems less vital somehow.

Lonnie · 01/04/2010 16:01

I have during the time I have had children in Primary schools dealt with 4 different schols (as we moved and at one part had children in 2 different schools)

In all of the 4 schools for infant age children are the kids handed induvidually to the parents in the school they are currently at they even do so for age 3-6 as wel no primary school child in the 4 schools I know of in this area would permit an "older" primary school child (year 5 or 6) to come in on their own nor leave on their own.

The school did wrong in handing her over I would expect that the friends mother had thought it was a settled agreement and there for I would not have said anything either personally However I would most definetly write a letter of complaint to the school and cc it to the school Governers next time it could be far more sinister.

cat64 · 01/04/2010 16:23

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FabIsGettingThere · 01/04/2010 16:37

I know I won't relax and are already worrying about how I will manage with 3 kids at 2 different schools but then my children are a kidnap risk so I guess I am allowed to worry.

thesecondcoming · 01/04/2010 16:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

foreverastudent · 01/04/2010 17:05

At my son's school all the kids (even the 4yo P1s) are just let out at 3pm. There are no checks or handovers.

I think it's a tragedy waiting to happen.

cory · 01/04/2010 18:54

Round our way, infants only hand over to designated parents: juniors let the children sort themselves out. My ds has been walking home on his own since Yr 4. There is a big difference between what a 4yo can do and what a 9yo can do.

Galena · 01/04/2010 20:45

I once found a list blowing around near my home of a list of children's full names, addresses, phone numbers, siblings, birthdays, etc. As a teacher, I was concerned to find this. I managed to track down the teacher's name to one of the independent schools in the area and contacted the head. I sent it to him and he was able to confirm it was one of the lists that was put together by the parents for the parents, so everyone had contact details. I think it's a bit risky - if a school had allowed that information to get into the wrong hands there would be an outcry. Is it better if a parent does the same?

However, the school should have phoned the other parent on your behalf, rather than just washing their hands.

SlummyMummyAndProud · 01/04/2010 21:12

In my DS primary school all children between p1 & p3 are not allowed to leave the playground until they are with their parent/guardian. if there is any change to who is picking up the child, the school insist on being advised of this. if not, they will refuse to release the child and contact the parent to confirm.

strawberrykate · 01/04/2010 23:29

I'm surprised at Lonnie's suggestion that a school wouldn't 'permit' a yr 5 or 6 child to walk home alone. Surely that's a parents decision to make? About 90% of my yr 6 children go home alone, it's good prepararion for high school when they'll he traveling alone for longer distances often on public transport. I've had the odd mature yr 3 wander a few doors down to home alone or to the next road, the parents informed me and judged it to be safe and I respected that.

Maybe one of the lessons to be learnt from this, amongst others, is to be prompt at the end of the school day or notify them if you're running late?

Fluffyone · 01/04/2010 23:46

Go to the office tomorrow and ask for a copy of the school's safeguarding policy. If they haven't followed it make an appointment to speak to the Head. If they don't have a policy, they should have.

megapixels · 02/04/2010 00:39

YANBU. I'd be livid if the school had handed over my child to someone else without my consent. At dd's school it's only at KS2 that children just go out into the playground at home time, before that they are sent out one by one when the teacher spots the parent.

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