to expect the school to tell me where my 5 yo DD is ?

[brassband]

I went to pick my reception aged child up from school this afternoon .By the time I got there the teacher had already started letting them out and DD wasn't there.I looked around the playground and couldn't see her.the teacher told me she had gone with a friend who lives in a different area.I vaguely remember discussing with the mum last week that wednesday would probably be a good night but we hadn't made a firm arrangement as far as I can remember.
This family lives in a different area and I hadn't got as far as asking phone numbers and address.
I explained this to the school and asked for this girls address.They wouldn't tell me because they said it was confidential information.Eventually after talking to another parent I managed to get a phone number,which I rung but there was no reply.
After getting back from picking DS up there was a message on the answer phone saying they would bring her back at 6.But still I have no idea where she is
I am furious with the school for giving away my dd to someone without my consent and then refusing to give me their address.

OMG I am shocked and stunned. This should not be allowed to happen. It was the schools fault primarily for discharging your dd into the care of the parent, did they not question her and phone you up to confirm. Totally unacceptable, I would complain to the LEA or Ofstead. Yes waht mumbar said too

fab as in class list put together by parents not given by school. Although i don't really see what it would matter if the school asked if you wanted your details on it and you opted in or out what could you possibly have to hide from the other parents in your childs class
We do it so as we can sort out playdates nights out etc.

Our infant school does cat. Formal letter(!) not necessary but the parent has to let the school know that someone else is picking the child up otherwise we can't let him or her go. If another mum says she is picking a child up we confirm it via phone with the parent while the other mum waits.

I don't have anything to hide nor do I want people I don't know having my childs details.

oh and i think some people are over reacting slightly ofsted fgs??? If it was not your mistake OP then i would have said something to the other mum.

I'm sorry you have had such a horrible evening, it sounds like a real mix up.

Schools have protocol to follow in these instances and you need to find out what it is.

Btw if it had been an estranged father the school would have had no option but to hand her over, whether you knew where she lived or not - that's something in the law that really needs looking at.

Sorry that was muddled, I meant your dd's father- whether you had agreed it or not. This terrifies me about sending ds to school because I am afraid his father could one day just turn up and demand to take him.

Good gracious! I take other children from my ds and dds classes home all the time. Usually to play, sometimes as a last minute arrangement to help another mum out. And vice versa. Have never had to send in a letter. I just turn up and say I've arranged with x's mum for x to come home with me tonight and because the school recognise me and know me they release that child into my care. Do other schools really insist on a phone call or letter every single time?

IMO if a school age child tells his teacher he is going home with X and X's mum also thinks she is taking said child ... I think it is reasonable of the teacher to let X's mum take the child (thinking that the child's mum had forgotten to mention it). But having realised the mix up I do think school could have rung the other parent on your behalf. Totally agree they could not give you her phone number.

At my school (and every other one I have worked at) you do not let a child go home with someone other than their parent unless you as the teacher or the school office have been directly informed by the parent of the child.

Never. I don't even allow other parents to walk friends children to the car park if I have not been told this will happen by the child's parents.

You never, ever take the word of the child, or the word of the other parent - ever, it is common sense and more than your job is worth to make this mistake.

The school have been very silly and YANBU to be very angry with them.

IMO it is completely bonkers of the school to allow the child to go with the other parent and then not give out the address, phone number etc.

Something similar happened at DD's school recently - also reception class.

The security is now incredibly tight.

At the very least the school should insist on having it in writting if anyone other than you is collecting your child.

You have every right to be furious with the school.

this information should be in the prospectus for parents, and will also be written into safeguarding policies.

oh, and the school's SEF (self evaluation) form that they produce for ofsted to prove they are doing all the right things, including safeguarding the children in their care

Bottom line the school would not tell you where your daughter was.

My DD's school would quite happily let a child go home with another child's parents - there is no system for informing the teacher about playdates etc - as long as the child goes with someone the teacher recognises in reception they seem quite laid-back about it all. In the other years they literally tip the kids into the playground then scoop up any who seem to have noone to pick them up after the playground has emptied. It has always been this way. The children are told to go back to the teacher if noone is there to collect them.

However i imagine the school would definitely have gone into panic mode with this scenario and made sure they contacted the other mother, if they couldn't give you her number.

I think they have acted badly and need to sort out their policy on this. What can be more important than a child's well-being? Everyone knows that in cases of child abduction every minute counts, so they should have just picked up the phone (and presumably they had a mobile number too?)

I think the other mum has been a bit sloppy with the arrangements but can see how the misunderstanding occurred tbh.

bibbitybobbityhat - same set up at ds's school. As long as the child is being collected by a known adult, that's fine.

TBH I'm at all the on this thread.

At my kids' primary school the kids were just let out. Once school was over it was the parents' responsibilty to arrange who picked them up. It sounds as though you got there late and hadn't really organised yourself wrt the arrangement with the other parent. This is between you and the other parent. i don't see it's anything to do with the school. If someone else takes a child out during school time then they should check with someone with pr that is OK. Once school is over it's up tothe parents to sort out if they, grannie, childminder etc takes the kid home.

If a nonresident parent has parental responsibility and does not have a court order refusing them access to their children then I see no reason why a school should refuse to allow that parent to pick the child up.
If the parent is that dangerous to the child then you need a court order banning access, otherwise you are just stopping the child having a relationship with both parents.
My kids have divorced parents and I see no reason why the school should stop either of us picking them up, and legally they can't.

Yes, I am a bit at all the on this thread! There are nearly 700 children at my dc school. I can only imagine the office staff would be relaying messages to teachers ALL DAY about after school pick ups if every variation had to go via the office.

DS's School insists on a formal letter from parents explaining where they are going and who with. As previously I think what you have experienced had happened. YANBU.

We have a book in each classroom where the parents write down if their child is going home with someone other than mum or dad. Seems to work pretty well.

The onus doesn't have to fall to the school office, though - schools I've been involved with have an exercise book by the classroom door and if your child is being picked up by anyone different, then the parents have to write it in the book. If it's not in the book, the child doesn't go with whoever.

The thing is that in this case, while it was piss-poor that they wouldn't give you contact details, but they weren't putting your DD at risk - presumably the teacher knew the other mother.

But what if it had been an abusive ex with a restraining order? You'd hope that the school would know not to hand over the child, but without a fairly strict handover policy there will be slip-ups.

Late primary school kids walk to and from school by themselves though, my kids did for the last few years. I find all this fussing very strange. There were several gates at different areas of the large primary and i can't see any way the school can know eho the kids went with. The bell went and the kids swarmed out in various directions, depending on which gate was handiest for their house, the teachers usually stayed in classrooms tidying up and talking to any parents who wanted a word. Some of you make it sound as though the kids are handed to parents individually or something.