to be thinking about someone else when im happily married?

[thisisjuststupid]

there is a guy i went to college with who has said something recently (by e mail) that has lit a bit of a spark for me. i would never ever entertain doing anything about it and we are both married. me happily. dont know about him. but although i feel a bit guilty about letting me daydream a bit im kinda enjoying it too. is that wrong?

As long as you stick to daydreaming, not at all.....

Just keep it in you head .. Everyone does it to some point at some time.. Don't think they don't.

Don't act on it unless you want a very messy end.

Nothing wrong with fantasy. As long as you are planning to leave it at a daydream then no harm done.

i do want to keep it in my head but its a bit cheeky and exciting! thankfully theres some distance between us! . DH is so lovely and i wouldnt hurt his feelings for the world, or do anything to upset the status quo.

im off now to carry on daydreaming...aah...

I'd seriously be questioning my feelings for my DH if I was fantasising about another RL man. I've never done that in 28 years.
Much healthier to channel those type of thoughts into fantasies about your DH, it will definitely improve your sex life for one thing.

YANBU but

Very very bad idea. Especially if he's done that (don't kid yourself it was an accident).

Temptation comes through a door left open on purpose.

YANBU to be flattered and enjoy the ego boost. I guess the acid test is whether it would bother you if your DH confessed to fantasising about another woman? Especially one that had emailed him showing interest?

Hm, I don't know if this would work for you, but I've had a collegue who obviously had a bit of a flame for me, and who I thought was lovely, and so I told DH. DH was flattered that the other bloke fancied me, but he had me, if you see what I mean. I was free to hang out with the other man, who became a good friend, because DH always knew and I always told him about it. DH became good friends with him too. And then we both became good friends with his wife when he married. Because it was never a secret, it never had the spice that a betrayal would have had.

I'd be gutted if my DH was fantasising about someone else, but then it's highly unlikely, I'm gorgeous!!!

Be careful, it's lovely to get attention as long as it's remains one sided (from him) and virtual!

tittlemouse - thats a fab situation and hats off to you for that! thats the ideal isnt it?

me and this guy had a long phone conversation today and it was mostly just like catching up with an old friend. i say mostly cos there had been some gently simmering unrequited feelings about 15 years ago that had came to nothing and are obviously very unlikely to ever be set alight again.

it was so lovely to chat, but it did stir up some nice memories that are making me smile (and blush)

Malificence I know your marriage is perfect in every way but what - you have never found another man attractive? Never ever thought 'You are someone I would have fancied back when I was single?'

to the OP - I think it's very normal - especially with people who stir up memories of your free, single days before you had stretchmarks!

BUT I would personally say you have had your catch up, you've done some reminiscing, maybe best to say 'well great to catch up' and put a lid on it.

"my mind to me a kingdom is" think about what you like,don't action on it, it will end in tears, and sadly probably yours.
MOUSEFACE Love your profile pic and your hairstyle, mine is short, but not as nice as yours,where do you get yours cut?

mean't to add I fantasise about my favourite actor all the time, long suffering dh has to sit through all his films etc, it is quite healthy imo to think about others, shows you are alive, and above all human.

Stuffed - I can honestly say , hand on heart that NO, I have never, ever, fancied another man for my entire adult life.
I agree it's probably extreme, but it is the way I am and have been since the age of 16.

I have vivid fantasies / sexual thoughts but they are about characters ( as in roleplay) and situations - we fulfill all of each others needs and have no use/need for other people, either in reality or in fantasy.

Well in that case I am happy for you but for most of us things aren't quite that black and white. It may be the case for you that your marriage was irretrievably broken if you fancied someone else, but that is not the case for a lot of others.

However in the OP's case while I think it's fine as a fantasy, you are in fire country if you carry on phoning/emailing with this guy, IMO.

darkandstormy - I am rather gorge aren't I in that one?

I go to our local salon, the woman is Tony & Guy trained so just cuts it how I ask and it comes out just how I wanted it - never catch on!!!!

Mouseface is very pretty. I think I've come over a bit gay

Anyhoo, I know from experience how these things can get out of hand so I'd steer clear. It'll all end with your knickers round your ankles THEN in tears and you don't want that especially if things are as good as you say they are with DH. Not worth it just for a bit of flattery, my love.

Absolutely nowt wrong with it. For those asking how would you feel if DH fancies somebody else, personally I'd never know as I'd never ask him.

His head space is private and belongs to him. As does mine.

Without fantasy and harmless flirting marriage would be a prison for many.

Malificence- dont believe you- sorry.

I do believe Mal but I think she's a kind of marvel of nature. And a bloody lucky one.

For the rest of us, though, thoughts are just that... You're not hurting anyone and it doesn't sound as if you plan to. If I had to confess to every passing thought I had, I'd be saying Hail Marys for a year (if I were Catholic).

I was tempted recently to do someone with one of DP's old friends that I hadn't seen in years and has always been a little attracted to. Afterwards I kept fantasizing about it as well as feeling extremely guilty about enjoying the attention.

Its completely normal to fantasize about other people as long as you don't act on it. I found that I stopped thinking about this other bloke after a few weeks anyway.

Redredwine - what an odd thing to say - why do you not believe me? What have I got to gain by making things up?
I have genuinely never had that kind of "connection" with another man. I don't think it makes me any kind of saint , it's simply how my "obsessively monogamous" (to quote SGB) brain functions.

I don't expect my DH to be the same as me btw, contrary to MN popular belief, I don't lead him around wearing blinkers ( well only when he asks ) he's a red blooded man who appreciates attractive women, I have zero interest in whether he's ever had a fantasy about another woman, I wouldn't actually want to know because I would be compelled to analyse it to the nth degree and not because of some kind of irrational jealousy.