to be thinking about someone else when im happily married?

[thisisjuststupid]

there is a guy i went to college with who has said something recently (by e mail) that has lit a bit of a spark for me. i would never ever entertain doing anything about it and we are both married. me happily. dont know about him. but although i feel a bit guilty about letting me daydream a bit im kinda enjoying it too. is that wrong?

No, because the "character" I make up is still him , I'll probably be accused of oversharing again but hey ho - it's a submissive thing, he's the cruel master of the house, I'm the housemaid etc. Or he's the doctor etc. - I'm not usually so coy about such things but this is highly personal for me.

Mickey mouse in a gimp suit - now there's something you won't see at Disney!

I like the expression 'on a diet but no harm in looking at the menu'

you could go on and on with this and say well dh shouldnt go to the poledancing club for the stag party coz he's looking at another woman or look at page 3. For anyone to suggest that a marriage is doomed coz dh obviously isnt satisfied for looking at these things is ridiculous. Its perfectly normal for anyone to swoon over other people e.g. actors and perfectly normal to have fantasies. It is certainly fun and can add spark to a relationship if its getting you in the mood. How would you feel if dh was thinking of someone else - how do you know he's not or never hasnt?? Ask him - like he would admit to it! If it puts you in a good mood great - if you are getting annoyed at dh coz he's ineterrupted your thoughts by asking where his jeans are, not so good.

Unless you are creating scenarios to be together so something could happen then thats bad. it is possible to be madly in love with dh but fancy someone else and even if you personally havent experienced it doesnt mean it isnt possible - maybe you just dont mix with dishy men! It will fizzle out, but if you want to get shot of these thoughts asap then create a new fantasy and pick a random character or a celeb as the starring role!

Hats off to me? To be honest, I didn't really think about it much. There was just no way that I would interact with someone in work (or anywhere else) without telling him.

I believe Mal but I don't think that she's particularly lucky or unlucky. Sometimes it's nice to think about someone else finding me attractive when DH is exhausted and bogged down with work. It takes some of the pressure off DH!

it's getting worse. there is a steamy letter apparently heading my way. he's on my mind constantly and it's making my neck tingly just thinking about him...i'm seriously worried im going to have to defriend him on facebook and erase his mobile number,etc to ensure no temptation whatsoever. thank god for a 60+ mile distance, thats what i say.

i would be lying if i said i wasnt enjoying this, but the thought of ever hurting DH or risking what we have is nagging at me loudly.

i feel like a teenager again and its lovely (that is probably more to do with how old we were when we met ). nothing (major) happened then to our mutual regret and i would really like to meet him but keep him at a coy arms length and keep a sense of what-could-have-happened. but i'm not sure i trust myself

YANBU to think about him. I do it all the time (although, presumably, it's a different man!), but just don't enourage him or do anything.

You can anything you like in your head, its your private place. Doing it in practice is another case entirely, and probably not recommended.

buzz - thats the problem.i have

thanks to all you posted before. a quick update if anyones interested? no? oh well, i'm going to say anyway. so far, we have spoken most days, and loads of texts exchanged all day every day. most explicit but always in a loving way if that makes sense. i've stopped eating and i can't sleep. but i don't care. my tummy is full of butterflies and i can't concentrate. we have talked about meeting up and while the rational (and still sane) part of me knows this is so so wrong and i'm likely to get hurt and it could cause all kinds of horrible cosequences, the rest of me is being pulled in his direction so quickly my head is spinning . both of us have too much to lose with families and partners. it would have to be one night and one night only. WWYD?

WWID? I'd step away now before anyone was hurt. Even if no-one ever found out, I couldn't bear the guilt.

Is there not a way that you can transfer these saucy feelings towards your DP? Maybe try some of Malificence's role-play?

i've tried that.i think it made him a bit suspicious to be honest! i cant keep up with how im feeling and i think the enthusiasm took him by surprise.

this guy has said he only feels guilty about not feeling guilty. which kinda makes sense but i think im feeling a lot more of a conscience than he is. i know its stupid but because he makes me feel (a lot) younger again and he's still very familiar even after this time, he's reminding me of when i had no responsibilities,etc and maybe thats part of his attraction? also we came close to something happening between us before but it didnt happen so theres also the wonder-what-it-would-have-been-like feeling.all i know is hes driving me crazy and im really worried im going to do something really really stupid cos i cant make a sound judgement about anything while i have him on my mind. im old enough to know you dont throw away something good with someone good, for something that wouldnt be worth it.

the problem is im really starting to believe i wouldnt just be a notch on his headboard.

good god - i sound deranged dont i?

you can all agree and shoot me down for being an idiot - i dont mind

You are being an idiot. I wouldn't fancy him. Not treating his wife very well, is he? Not a good bloke.

Just project a little forward in your mind; you get a cheap thrill, yes, but some way down the line he'd be doing this to you, too, wouldn't feel so good then, would it?

If a bloke can do this once, he can and will do it again. And it won't feel so incredibly fluffy and exciting when it's you he's humiliating.

Disagree ith Arsenic. "Everyone does it". Do they ? I don't. Haven't. Agree with Malificence.
"i wouldnt hurt his feelings for the world, or do anything to upset the status quo.".
Uhhmmm, I'm sorry but that just doesn't sound like really valid/ strong reasons.

i know you are right. they have been married for a while now and there has been ill-health getting in their way . he swears he has never done this before. even though im inclined to believe him cos i know him and he is usually nothing but honest, but i also knew him before he married so im not completely taken in by that. on paper he's not a catch i agree, but he is goddamn sexy

you silly mare

stop this right now, unless you want to lose your DH and cosy family life

you are having your head (and ovaries) turned by a player

get a fucking grip

ok ok you are right. im going cold turkey on him. as from now. right now. all thoughts gone.will ignore texts/calls/e mails/facebook etc.will NOT meet him.i will not encourage him anymore.will not have erotic dreams anymore.i dont like walking around in a constant state of arousal.it's embarrasing and im not getting anything done. hes only a man for chrissake. what was i thinking? when ive got a perfectly good one at home who would never even dream of messing me about and who i dont deserve.

can someone pls check on me in a minute to see how im doing? think i need my hand held on this one

sorry. thought i had read all of thread. but hadn't seen last few posts from Op. Op you are being really silly. But then I could have predicted htta from your Op. You are going to follow through with this, aren't you. I bet you are. You daft bint.

this would be out of order even if you were'nt overly happy with your DP. As it is,

Delete his FB now.

weren't

i know i said no contact as from right now, but i did text him to see if he was feeling better as he's bit poorly. no answer so it doesnt count! but deffo no more contact.