To be Annoyed with dd's Teacher

[houseworkhater]

I will try and keep this brief. Had parents evening for dd who is 8 and in year 3.
Every previous parent's evening has been very good with the teacher praising dd efforts and achievements.
However came away from this one in shock tbh.
Her teacher is the same one she had in year 1and has been her teacher since January as the year 3 teacher left at Christmas to begin maternity leave. The one on maternity leave also taught dd in year 2. So Apart from reception class dd has had the same 2 teachers and they have always said that she is very bright and a very pleasant member of the class. Her current teacher said previously that he would love a classful of my daughter, she is so good to teach.
Anyway tonight he said that although academically she is very bright she is beginning to "get on his nerves" his own words as when he speaks to her she quite often acknowledges him and he is "getting tired of her".
As if this wasn't enough I questioned whether her sitting on the third table from the top was still accurate in maths as I had always believed dd to be quite mathematically minded- I work in a school and know that she is cabable of doing at least the middle ability work of the year 4 class which I am in. The teacher then said oh yes I am going to move dd to the top table as in the recent sats test she scored the highest in the class and has more than likely been doing work which is far too easy for her-we are more than half way through the year and he is only now going to give her the appropriate work!!!

My final gripe concerned a personal issue which he admits he knew nothinh about but was very glad I had informed him.

Tbh I am left feeling annoyed at both him and the teacher on maternity leave as I feel strongly that both have failed in their job. If I didn't work in school would I have known to question her maths group or would she have been left to coast? And as for the getting on his nerves comment the more I think about it the more I want to report him.
Am I over reacting?
Sorry for long post.

Isn't parents evening a place to discuss behaviour! The OPs DD doesn't even sound boredjust over confident and a bit spoilt.

I also agree with portoeufino. This is all a huge over reaction. My DD has the odd exasperating behaviour which some of her primary teachers have said "driven them mad" I have never thought of them as unprofessional, just honest.

A teacher once described my son as 'a pain in the neck'. She was right, he was but she did like him quite a lot and found his quirkiness endearing but also wearing. I didnt take offence.

The teacher sounds upset by your daughter's smart arse responses when she doesnt need to reply but just get on with it.

So you have a bright child; that's great.

But she is developing an irritating habit. Your job as a parent, when this is pointed out, is not to shoot the messenger, but to help her work on it so that it doesnt get her into more scrapes as she gets older.

Sounds like the teacher was at the end of a long day and was a bit informal, but if you want your DD to have a successful time you should really be focussing on developing a good rapport and working with the teacher, not getting into a strop: that won't help.

In a way, can you see that you are modelling exactly the same behaviour the teacher is noticing in your DD - lack of respect for 'authority', focus on your own agenda to exclusion of other issues.

Deep breath, let go, focus on what you want to achieve, drop into class with a bright smile 'Mr Teacher - have you moved my DD up yet? Can she have some extension work? Am helping her get quicker at responding - have you noticed any improvement' and he will be delighted, do what you want and your daughter will get on better. That's the outcome you want.

You (rather optimistically) describe your daughter's behavious as 'chatty' - but in fact, it's insolent and challenging to the teacher's authority and it must be extremely tiresome. She's 8 and the sooner she learns that you don't answer back the teacher when they give you an instruction, the better for her and her future education. And you're the one who can best teach her how to conduct herself. That said, his turn of phrase in describing her could have been more diplomatic - but then your choice of 'toddling off' is rather offensive too. I'd focus my energies more on improving my daughter's manners and less on slating the teacher with the other school yard gossips, tbh

I have never read such a heap of muddled, overblown tosh. Posts like this make me utterly, utterly pity teachers. So you work in a school - I note you avoid saying you are a teacher, so are you a teaching assistant or something? - right, so that makes you an expert? And what's all this rubbish about teachers going on maternity leave not giving a damn? FWIW I don't think he should have said your DD was getting on his nerves but a few minutes with you probably drove him to it.

He could perhaps have worded it differently, but I think it is perfectly reasonable to expect your dd to do as she's told without the backchat/running commentary, OP. If all the children in the class were doing that, it would be bedlam, and none of the children, your dd included, would learn anything.

Bedlam2 - is it not possible that the teacher gave the class a SATS paper to do in class, rather than it being an official SATS exam?

Regarding the 'personal issue' that the teacher didn't know about - it is hard to say how serious this is, as we don't know what the issue is.

I have to agree that using phrases like 'toddling off on maternity leave' is very disrespectful, and doesn't give the impression that you want to work with the school and the teacher. And listening to - and giving credence to - bitchy comments from other parents or friends is not a good idea either.

my DP is a teacher and often reports how he is frequently highly irritated by certain children ignoring his command: "in a minute, I'm going to ask you to put your pens down and books to one side and listen to me. I want you to be quiet and not fidget with anything and not talk to your neighbour or pass any comment, just be quiet and focus your attention on me for 2 mins". It may not sound properly naughty but imagine how it is for a teacher if several kids do what your DD is doing - it wastes everyone's time while he has to tell each one to be quiet or wait for them to be quiet. Of course, this might take a little while for your DD to get used to (which is fine and I'm sure she will now she's been told) but I think it is a very reasonable request from her teacher and one that I know my DP is often making of his pupils. Perhaps saying she was getting on his nerves was slightly inappropriate but I can well imagine it's true because nothing irritates my DP more than the kids who always have one more thing to say when they've been asked to be quiet! So, at least your getting the truth and can nip it in the bud early to avoid her irritating any more teachers!

"in a minute, I'm going to ask you to put your pens down and books to one side and listen to me. I want you to be quiet and not fidget with anything and not talk to your neighbour or pass any comment, just be quiet and focus your attention on me for 2 mins".

LJB -- No wonder he's worried about the children not paying attention to him. That is the wordiest, least confident, nagging-est way to speak to a class of children I've ever heard. If I spoke to my 5 at home like that their eyes would glaze over right after 'in a minute, I'm going to ask you to..' He's begging the children for 2 minutes of their time, essentially. Your DH doesn't have to make excuses or wonder if his requests to his pupils are reasonable. Your DH needs to bark out orders and brook no resistance. It will save him a lot of time in the end if he puts his foot down and acts like he is in charge. Really, children accept authority if your demeanour tells them that you are it. And he won't find the children half as irritating.

The teacher in the room next to me "barks out orders". It is horrible, and the children hate it and aren't keen on her. Most importantly, they don't respond.

I request quiet, I count down from three, and I almost always get it. Now I am blunt certainly, but I am polite, and I do think that is the best way to manage a class. "Barking out orders" - no.

Well, on reflection, barking out orders is not the way to go; blunt but polite sounds much better.

A teacher needs to have an air of authority, not deliver a 'please, children, pay attention' speech that seems to suggest all the ways the children could possibly thwart the smooth running of the class, when s/he wants something done. One instruction at a time, no subjunctive clauses when telling them what's happening next. And certainly no 2 minute time limit begged for -- children will not take a teacher seriously if he goes around telling them he assumes it's a bit much to expect they would pay attention to him, which is what that 2 minute detail is saying.

Good God.

What britfish said. I feel for all the Teachers who are subjected to your dreadful attitude for the whole of your daughter's schooling.

Update.

I have calmed down a bit now.

A more pressing matter arose last night resulting in DH speaking with the acting head today. Basically it is concerning the private issue I had spoke about which involves another child and severe, underhand, calculating bullying.
The last time the issue arose the then head (who has taken temporary leave) dealt with it very badly resulting in it being allowed to occurr again.

I was only made aware of the problem arising quite severely again last night and dd begged me not to say anything to anyone at school, such is the fear she is in from this other child.
Dh was very satisfied with what the acting head said and this has put other things in perspective as it is now our overriding priority.
Don't want to say too much but the other child is not a permanent fixture at dd's school hence why it was the first teacher who was in the know about the details.

I don't know why any teacher wouldn't have been alerted about a problem so serious, even someone temporary. Your DD's school sounds like a nightmare of poor communication and lack of professionalism. Good luck, hope your DD will be safe.

Thanks Mathanxiety. Have to say I have more confience in the acting head keeping a watchful eye on things than the previous head.

Very sorry to hear about the bullying. DS1 has been bullied and it makes you feel sick. Hope it gets sorted.