To be Annoyed with dd's Teacher

[houseworkhater]

I will try and keep this brief. Had parents evening for dd who is 8 and in year 3.
Every previous parent's evening has been very good with the teacher praising dd efforts and achievements.
However came away from this one in shock tbh.
Her teacher is the same one she had in year 1and has been her teacher since January as the year 3 teacher left at Christmas to begin maternity leave. The one on maternity leave also taught dd in year 2. So Apart from reception class dd has had the same 2 teachers and they have always said that she is very bright and a very pleasant member of the class. Her current teacher said previously that he would love a classful of my daughter, she is so good to teach.
Anyway tonight he said that although academically she is very bright she is beginning to "get on his nerves" his own words as when he speaks to her she quite often acknowledges him and he is "getting tired of her".
As if this wasn't enough I questioned whether her sitting on the third table from the top was still accurate in maths as I had always believed dd to be quite mathematically minded- I work in a school and know that she is cabable of doing at least the middle ability work of the year 4 class which I am in. The teacher then said oh yes I am going to move dd to the top table as in the recent sats test she scored the highest in the class and has more than likely been doing work which is far too easy for her-we are more than half way through the year and he is only now going to give her the appropriate work!!!

My final gripe concerned a personal issue which he admits he knew nothinh about but was very glad I had informed him.

Tbh I am left feeling annoyed at both him and the teacher on maternity leave as I feel strongly that both have failed in their job. If I didn't work in school would I have known to question her maths group or would she have been left to coast? And as for the getting on his nerves comment the more I think about it the more I want to report him.
Am I over reacting?
Sorry for long post.

With the maths, I think you have answered your own query - he said "in the recent sats tests she scored...." recent test = information and evidence for him to go on to move her. Explains why she wasn't moved before. No big deal there, surely?

Also am another who doesn't understand what you mean by she 'acknowledges him' more info please!!!

I don't like his terminology though; he is 'tired of her' and she's 'getting on his nerves' are not professional ways to speak about a child.

I second everything Portoeufino says.

She's a nice child and bright, but he's getting tired of her and she gets on his nerves? How does he feel about the children who are a bit dim or disruptive, then? He must be even worse with them.

I'd be horrified if a teacher talked about one of my children like this! Is he retiring soon or something? It sounds like he's given up.

Sorry was trying to keep it brief!

He actually used the phrase dd "Gets on his nerves" which I find absolutely unprofessional. What he then said was if he asks her to say finish a task she will, but may say something like "Yes mr x I am just helping x put her book away" or "Ok mr x I am just finishing off my sentence". Rather than her just doing it and not speaking to him! I acknowledged that she may have to be less chatty.
What I haven't mentioned was that before coming back to this school he was covering for maternity leave (again) at another school but was in a higher role.
There was significant talk that if the lady didn't come back he would take up the post and not return to dds school. Other parents have commented on the fact that since returning to dds school his heart has not been on the job and I cannot help thinking that too now. He would never have made comments like this before, but found a more positive way of saying things.
The reason I am annoyed with the teachet on mat leave is that :
1)she should definately have passed on the info which is too personal to discuss.
2)She put dd in her maths place and I now think it was probably wrong but that as she was toddling off on mat leave she didn't bother to change things.

I don't believe dd has made a miraculous spurt in maths the first teacher used to say how well she was doing BUT her tables were named by the children so none of them would have a clue which was the top table etc. Present teacher renamed the tables (recently) and children can now tell if they are in group 1 etc-this is what brought to my attention that she aws midd-range so to speak.
Like I said before it caught my attention because I know she can easily do a lot of the year 4 work which I see kids doing so my thoughts were there must be a lot of very bright children in her class for her to be on table 3.

Now present teacher has not yet changed dd, only said he would once I had mentioned it, kind of like an aside, and this will not happen until after the holidays.
By his own admission she has been given the wrong work, he even said she must have been quite bored all these months!

A friend of mine who works at the school also commented that I must be worried once 1st teacher found out she was pregnant as "she wouldn't really be giving it her all now" and that Mr X was only there killing time until he gets the chance of promotion at another school!

Until now have given them both the benefit of the doubt but now think both teachers have acted wrongly, or without dd's best interests at heart.

I am also going to keep a very close eye on the situation. I work in a school and some kids might well get on my nerves but would I ever say this to a parent and expect to keep my job? err no!

Like a I said before he told me the last time he taught dd that he wished he had a classful of her so God only knows what he thinks about the other kids.

I am also going to be asking dd in a round about way what he says in class now, I have lost confidence in his teaching ability tbh.

Ds does this, I do completely understand why his need to explain himself is tiresome and we are working together to try and tackle this. She is answering him back, she doesn't need to tell him to wait, which is what she is doing in a round about way. She just needs to say OK and get on with it or say nothing at all and get on with it. It's a really hard habit to break though. As a teacher it must be draining, I know as a parent I find it so at times.

ARgh I can't belive your absurd comments about the teachers.
TODDLING OFF on maternity leave? How rude and dismissive you are!!
All this gossip and tittle tattle going on at the school gates about the teacher's heart not being in the job!!!
As for your friend who works in the school, what outrageously unprofessional comments she made !!!!!!!!
I was a teacher going on maternity leave and I went in every day through thick and thin, with anaemia, morning sickness, low blood pressure, you name it. It never occured to me to 'slack off' and I can assure you, my heart was in it right until the end, when I wrote out detailed notes on each child's progress to hand over. If any helpful person at my school had DARED to suggest my heart was not in it I would have been LIVID.
Sounds like you have far, far too much time on your hands to gossip and tattle.
I HATE teacher bashing.
Get over yourself. And learn to spell DEFINITELY properly.

Regardless of what your dd says,it was vvv unprofessional of this teacher to say what he did. This too, would make me angry, uncomfortable and wonder what he was saying to your dd and other dc in class.
IMO this has nothing to do with the teacher highlighting areas for improvements or con cerns, and the Op having a hissy-fit.
Under what circumstances does a teacher talk this way about a pupil to their parents?
Yes, I would complain-in writing to the teacher and cc the Head. If you dont get an adequate response, ask for a meeting with Head.
Not sure about your other points.

I agree with wook (although would not have made the point quite so vehemently)
Perhaps the previous teacher thought the personal thing too personal to pass on - would be breaking a confidence.
Perhaps you should be teaching your daughter that when an adult tells her to do something she does it without explanation and with out "yes in a minute I'm just going to do what I want first."

"A friend of mine who works at the school also commented that I must be worried once 1st teacher found out she was pregnant as "she wouldn't really be giving it her all now" and that Mr X was only there killing time until he gets the chance of promotion at another school!"

OMFG. you have got to be kidding. Stop listening to these people. And for your own sake, I hope you are not this type of person too.

Sorry to hear about your issues but worse things happen at sea.

for the record, I agree that a teacher shouldn't have used those terms to describe a child. I also think that your dd is slow to respond to instructions and this may be an area to address with the school. Make lemonade with them lemons.

I've learned never to listen to the other parents

I do feel sorry for the teacher, you've written the poor bloke off already. He wouldn't be there if he didn't want to be!! It takes alot of courage to return to a school you used to teach in IMO, all those parents gossiping about you. I take my hat off to him, you need to cut him some slack and work with him to stop your daughter answering him back.

I might use phrases a bit like that to describe what children do. I certainly told the parent of one of my year 9s that he was driving me mad with his failure to bring a pen for example. I know how it is to be on the other side of the table, and try to think about how I would feel if I heard about my children what I was saying about theirs, but I honestly would prefer a real conversation about my child rather than a mouthful of teacher-speak that I would then need to decode (and I do of course have the code-book!).

What are the phrases that teachers use to say your child's a little sod?? (just incase, for future reference or to jog a memory)

Well I'm going to disagree with the general consensus- and I'm a teacher!

Regardless of whether the OPs 7yr old has a habit of answering back or not, it is utterly unprofessional to say to a parent that their child is 'getting on your nerves'. Totally and utterly inappropriate.

Secondly, as a Y3 child, the only SATs paper she would have done would be the one at the end of Y2 which means she has been left to coast for 2 terms. Again completely unacceptable. Also makes it perfectly reasonable to be annoyed at the teacher on mat leave as she should have used the info that came up from Y2 to set her groups.

As for the personal thing. If it is an issue which affects you DD either educationally, physically or emotionally thus leading you to share this info with her class teacher then it is absolutely her job to ensure this info is passed on to whomever takes over that role.

When a teacher ends up taking the same class two years in a row it can sometimes lead to a bit of frustration. Not an excuse for unprofessionalism though.

YANBU

Brogan, (sorry slight hijack) in what other years are children tested?

Ds, year one has just moved groups and i was wondering what this is based on.

Children are constantly assessed in order to inform planning but not always formally. In R/Y1 this is usually through observations and discussion with the children.

SATs in Y2&Y6. Optional SATs in Y3,Y4&Y5

Thanks Brogan, thats great makes perfect sense now youve told me.

it was unprofessional to say she got on his nerves, but the rest you are OVERTHINKING and OVERREACTING.

like being in a lower ability maths set for a bit is going to affect her ability whatsoever.

"I work in a school and some kids might well get on my nerves but would I ever say this to a parent and expect to keep my job? err no!"

you think he should lose his job over saying she got on his nerves?
you are joking right? seriously? id prefer an honest teacher than one who told me my daughter was perfect when she was being annoying! hmm, maybe thats why you've got so upset?

"Like a I said before he told me the last time he taught dd that he wished he had a classful of her so God only knows what he thinks about the other kids."

again, you're mad. and what he thinks, he's allowed to think. some teachers think certain kids are horrible little sh*ts, and they are perfectly entitled to that opinion as long as it doesnt affect their dealing with the child.

""I am also going to be asking dd in a round about way what he says in class now, I have lost confidence in his teaching ability tbh."

you are horrible. and v unreasonable. what he thinks of your daughter and his position in your school and the other one has no affect on his teaching ability. how rude of you.

if your DD was on the wrong maths ability table (and if able to do year 4 work then i'd say in a big way) did you not notice her maths homework every week was far too easy.

i can tell from DS 8 homework and spellings that he is exactly in the place he should be.

I think the "getting on his nerves phrase" is a little unprofessional, and I can believe that if your DD has been in the wrong group this has led to boredom and maybe a decline in her behaviour (which, to be fair) he acknowledged).

I agree with Britfish - it was perhaps hard to hear that your DD is not perfect, hence you slight over-reaction.

But I can't stand all the other tittle tattle about this man. There are several parents in my DCs school who are more intent on character assassination and gossip about teachers than in supporting them for the benefit of their child's education.

sorry for typos. It is 4 am

I agree with Brogan. I think this teacher might not have his heart in his job. I have never encountered a teacher who would say such a thing, and have 5 DCs, youngest now 8.

Exactly how is a remark like that supposed to get the parent on his side or help them all work as a team to get the child's (not very bad, imo) behaviour to change? He chose to use a parents' evening to essentially vent. If there had been a problem with the DD's attitude or behaviour up to then, he should first have checked that she wasn't bored, then got in touch with parents using a note rather than bottling it all up until he was really resenting an 8 yo child.

Lazy, resentful teachers who take children's behaviour personally should not have jobs teaching. A teacher's antipathy towards a child can have a seriously negative effect on the learning environment for that child. Everyone concerned has a right to honest, respectful, and timely communication, not labelling and personal reactions.

I think too big a deal is being made of this "on my nerves" sentence. And the end of the day the behaviour is irritating, and the teacher wants the OP on board to change it.

My dd's teacher told us that she was "driving her absolutely crazy" and did lots of eye rolling and hand waving. (Belgian french speaker). We didn't think this was unprofessional - and I think it is a similar sentiment to "she is getting on my nerves". We were more interested in dealing with the behaviour that caused the reaction.

All the assumptions being made about individual's job motivation is bollocks though.