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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

or is there no such thing as courtesy any more?

46 replies

MrsHormonal · 30/03/2010 16:25

i feel like an old woman moaning, i'm quite young so don't actually remember a time when there was courtesy, manners or generally just being a half decent human being. however being pregnant has really opened my eyes, i think i probably belong in the 50s. no one opens doors for anyone else, no one (especially women!) puts their hand up to say thanks thanks in the car, people walk into you on the street, no one offers you a seat on the bus, people expect you to walk in the road to go round them, people you know will watch you struggle with heavy shopping all whilst having a huge bump.
today in the library i found myself desperate for a wee and asked very embarrassed if i could use thier toilet as the public toilets are locked and the nearest one is the other side of town. no the girl says, you have to waddle to the other side of town absolutely desperate you can't use our toilet here. ffs have a bit of compassion you might find yourself caught short when heavily pg one day!

OP posts:
Mouseface · 30/03/2010 16:32

YANBU - manners and courtesy should be on the national curriculum

Condensedmilkaddict · 30/03/2010 16:34

YANBU
They should have let you use the toilet.

You should've have told them you were about to pee on the floor.

Condensedmilkaddict · 30/03/2010 16:35

Ignore that extra 'have'.

DuckyCukker · 30/03/2010 16:39

Message deleted

southeastastra · 30/03/2010 16:40

it's everyone's job to teach manners. some people are naturally polite. most aren't

Mouseface · 30/03/2010 16:48

Agree with Southeastastra actually DuckyCukker. My comment was made with a smile on my face, IMO some parents clearly don't bother teaching manners so maybe the schools could try?

"Manners cost nothing" is a phrase always used by my parents.

Fruitysunshine · 30/03/2010 16:51

YANBU.

It is one of my biggest pet hates, bad manners and lack of courtesy. I work really hard to teach my children good manners and how to be courteous - even when they don't want to be and they often question other people's behaviour - "Why should we mummy when they don't do it?"

How can you answer that?

TinaEnglish · 30/03/2010 16:53

Message deleted

Poledra · 30/03/2010 16:55

"Why should we mummy when they don't do it?"

I usually answer that I don't care what 'they' do, I only care what we do, and we will be polite.

Can't believe the library person - we were in a furniture shop recently when 4-yo DD2 annouced she needed the loo. The salesman volunteered that they had no customer loo but she was welcome to use the staff loo. Very nice of him, but I do wish he'd warned me it had a dodgy flush

BelleDeChocolateFluffyBunny · 30/03/2010 16:58

It depends on the people I think. Ds is 10, he holds doors open for people, we both smile and say thankyou if a car stops so we can cross, he will move out of the way if someone's trying to get past him, he picked up a teddy that a child had dropped from it's pram yesterday and gave it back to the child, he has lovely manners. I've actually removed him from a private school because of the standards there (part of the reason I mean), there were boys swearing, they would walk into me so I would have to walk on the road to avoid crashing into them, the teachers just watched and said nothing, very bad IMO. Courtesy costs nothing. It's down to parents and schools to teach children this.

CheerfulYank · 30/03/2010 16:59

YANBU. But I live in a very small town and if anyone were seen doing the things you mentioned their mother would be rung immediately and informed of it.

Joolyjoolyjoo · 30/03/2010 17:01

ooh- I'm a stickler for courtesy and manners! I have been known to say things to my dd's when they were younger along the lines of "well, THAT lady didn't say thank you when we held the door for her, but you would always say thank you, wouldn't you?"

Manners DO cost nothing, and I think it's lack of courtesy for anyone else that is the root of most of the problems in society today (purses lips and folds arms under bosom)

DuckyCukker · 30/03/2010 17:02

Message deleted

bentneckwine1 · 30/03/2010 17:06

Sadly I think 'health and safety' has put a stop to much of the goodwill gestures that we were used to in the past.
For example a number of years ago I worked in a shoe shop with large children's department. We were no longer permitted to allow customer access to the toilets because they might trip over a stray box or have a ladder fall on them!! (The worry then being that we might get sued).

TinaEnglish · 30/03/2010 17:58

Message deleted

MintHumbug · 30/03/2010 18:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BoneyBackJefferson · 30/03/2010 18:04

By Mouseface Tue 30-Mar-10 16:32:07
YANBU - manners and courtesy should be on the national curriculum

No they should be taught by the parents

MintHumbug · 30/03/2010 18:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Joolyjoolyjoo · 30/03/2010 18:08

Oh no, minthumbug that is perfect! . Even more shameful for them to be pulled up on their lack of manners by a small child. Don't stop them1

Goblinchild · 30/03/2010 18:14

'YANBU - manners and courtesy should be on the national curriculum'

We do teach them, along with all those other skills that parents should be bothering with but mostly don't. Holding open doors, please and thank you, offering to help others, tidying up and responsibility for resources, not rushing around the building crashing into others, not shouting out over someone else's conversation, sitting nicely and listening...would you like to add anything else?
However, the children are with me and other staff for less than 7 hours a day, 5 days a week. And of course, there are those long holidays.
The same children that treat us with respect and good manners often turn into shrieking, demanding tyrants when collected by parents.

tabbycat7 · 30/03/2010 18:20

Apparently if you are pregnant, you are legally allowed to wee in a policeman's hat. They should have let you use the\loo though.

LetThereBeRock · 30/03/2010 18:20

The library staff may not be allowed to let the public used their loos. Many places can't for insurance reasons or because equipment and staff belongings are stored in the areas.

There are a lot of rude people out there but at the same time,not that I'm pregnant, I've had plenty of people hold doors open for me,seen people offer seats to the elderly/pregnant/infirm,say thanks in the car etc.

Original poster
MrsHormonal · 30/03/2010 18:22

phew i'm glad it's not just me! i actually name changed because i expected to hear back its my hormones and the world doesn't owe you anything.. it makes me so angry! where i used to work i left the till momentarily (within sight of it) to open the door for an old lady with shopping, the long queue of people had been watching her for the past 5 minutes, one person in the queue then complained about me to my manager for having to wait a few seconds! i got a formal warning!
feel a lot better and less old lady wagging finger at young whippersnappers now!

OP posts:
OTTMummA · 30/03/2010 18:36

i actually kicked a grown bloke drinking a can off what looked like his sons bmx bike!
He came roaring towards me on a one way path with me pushing DS who was 3 months at the time, shouting move fatty!
He was soooo drunk he didn't get up of the pavement.
a lot of people across the road ( bus stop ) smirked as i walked on.
I also am one to say loudly ' your welcome ' when others manners are extremly lacking.

gorionine · 30/03/2010 18:48

YANBU at all!

I once helped an old lady who had just damaged her car and was a bit shocked at the side of the road(lent her my phone to call AA and waited with her). Just as she was saying to me how gratefull she was for the help, a man who was going up the street on his bike shouted at her because her car was a bit in the way, when the poor lady and myself told him she had just bumped it and it would not move he told us to "F... off the car does not look like there is anything wrong with it!" then carried on showering us with insults.

I think I actually started a thread on here on the day as it had left me totally shocked.

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