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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I have namechanged for this, I don't think I am being unreasonable

54 replies

SelkirkGrace · 30/03/2010 15:14

Yesterday was DS1's birthday, he's 12. During the course of the evening, my mum stepdad and brother rang, then my other brother, then DH's mum, and DH's stepdad rang back when he got in from work. my 2 aunts rang as well. All to wish him happy Birthday.
all my cousins and some friends left him birthday messages on my FB page,a dn eh got ome texts too. All except FIL and step MIL.
DS1 did say at bedtime "granny and grandad and nana dn papa all rang but gran and granpa didn't, why's that".
I said maybe they were busy.

Anyway, today their card arrived. Dh said at lunchtime "DS1 will have to ring my dad and say thank you for the card"
I said "NO, he won't ring, he can send a text, or you can get him post a message on FB (Normally I wouldn't suggest that option)"

DH said I am being unreasonable, as it's not his dad and step mums fault they didn't ring to wish him happy birthday - well who's fault was it then?

I know you will all say IABU, he's 12 and shoud get over, but this is the latest in a long line of things

OP posts:
Condensedmilkaddict · 30/03/2010 15:30

Yes, but Hully they didn't ignore it. Their card came a day late.

I always like it when I get stuff before and after my birthday - makes the excitement last longer.

YABU

ConnieComplaint · 30/03/2010 15:31

If my cousins & aunts knew when ds & dd's birthday were, i'd probably keel over through shock.

DuelingFanjo · 30/03/2010 15:31

I hoped Hully was taking the piss!

YABU. Let it go.

I have a workmate who 'punnishes' people who don't send cards by not sending one back to them when it's their birthday or dropping them from the Christmas card list. So childish.

Hullygully · 30/03/2010 15:32

They as good as ignored it by not phoning on the day. Look at how the poor lad noticed. It's not the four that did it he remembered but the sad lack of the two that didn't. Bless him.

Original poster
SelkirkGrace · 30/03/2010 15:34

DS2's card from them arrived on 14th february. His birthday is January. They said they couldn't get to the post box because of the snow

OP posts:
ooosabeauta · 30/03/2010 15:35

YANBU IMHO. It sounds like there's a disparity between amount of contact/involvement comparing your parents and your ILs, and so by your standards they're not paying enough attention. I have a similar issue, recognise that it's just different expectations and family habits and traditions, but it's still upsetting. Best not to create a big rift over it though for the sake of your ds.

Hullygully · 30/03/2010 15:37

Go and see them and don't mince your words. You don't want your child to be emotionally scarred by their inadequacy.

ooosabeauta · 30/03/2010 15:37

I say that with a great deal of hypocrisy as I have vowed never to visit FIL and stepMIL after a raft of these sorts of issues They're no great loss to my ds though.

Original poster
SelkirkGrace · 30/03/2010 15:39

Hully - if only you knew the whole (maybe bigger would be a better word) story. I have bitten my tongue so often at their house, I'm surprised I have a tongue left.

OP posts:
Hullygully · 30/03/2010 15:42

Ok - before it all goes too far, I was a little bit joking.

My best advice then is to STAY AWAY. If other people are poisonous and nasty, the best thing you can do is lead a happy life and not let their poison infect it. You won't change them, and you do sound like you have got more than your fair share of nice relatives.

WorkingItOutAsIGo · 30/03/2010 15:43

OP - you may have other issues, but on this, YADBU. People make mistakes, are busy, forget and it doesnt make them anything than just human. I forgot to call my nephew on his birthday on Saturday despite it being on my calendar, in my diary and on my blackberry. Not because I don't love him or care about him, but I just made a mistake.

Hully - you're being very naughty today.

WorkingItOutAsIGo · 30/03/2010 15:44

Sorry Hully - cross-posted!

Ronaldinhio · 30/03/2010 15:45

I agree with HullyGully, some people eh?

plantwoman · 30/03/2010 15:51

I am assuming there is more to this than just the birthday card / call...
Dh's brother has never sent a card or called any of my dc's on their birthdays - but then he made a big deal of practically insisting that we sent a card to his girlfriend on her birthday (i didn't) - I'd only met her once and she dumped him not long after. he is a self centered idiot.
It's just the way some people are.

Original poster
SelkirkGrace · 30/03/2010 15:54

Yes ,lots and lots more.

OP posts:
googietheegg · 30/03/2010 16:00

YABU FFS stop being so pathetic - you'll make your son a wimp. Stop expecting so much of them, they have their own lives. They remembered and sent a card - if they'd have phoned too would you have made a hoo ha a out of the fact that they didn't leave an FB message?

It all sounds a bit too small town soap opera for my liking.

swanandduck · 30/03/2010 16:08

Do people really ring to thank each other for cards? Presents,yes. But cards?

PruneJuice · 30/03/2010 16:08

my dc at 12 would not even think who had phoned and who had not. And to spend the whole day on the phone like yours would send them over the edge!

coldtits · 30/03/2010 16:16

Petty petty petty

I bet you stand in the supermarket aisle, gossiping to people you haven't seen for a while, going

"He said that he was going to send it on Thursday, but we all know he can't have done, because it would have arrived on Monday and it didn't arrive until Tuesday, so at least we all know where their priorities lie! I told Ds, I said 'at least your granny still loves you, it's certainly not YOUR fault gran and grandpa don't like you any more' and he said 'I don't care, Mum, why are you always blowing crap like this out of proprortion, I'm twelve years old, I don't give a shit' but I know he was just hiding his hurt, he does that he's a sensitive boy.

So, anyway we aren't going up there for Easter now, if they think we'll just brush this little escapade under the carpet they have another think coming! All that family are strange. I mean, fancy not ringing your grandson on his birthday! He was gutted, he didn't show it much, trying to be all brave and making out he thinks I'm making a huge amount of fuss over something that really doesn't matter, but I can tell. A Mother Always Knows."

Admit it. That's you, isn't it?

lifeissweet · 30/03/2010 16:22

ha ha Coldtits - I picture Les Dawson leaning on the wall with his rollers in.

googietheegg · 30/03/2010 16:23

ha ha coldtits that's made my day ... I can almost hear it

googietheegg · 30/03/2010 16:24

"..so he says to me and I turned around and says to him..."

usualsuspect · 30/03/2010 16:24

My ds was monosyllable at 12 so all those phone calls would have been torture

CheerfulYank · 30/03/2010 16:28

My grandmother always gets the family's birthday and Christmas cards out a month or so after said events have passed. It's just the way with some people and none of us take offense.

Actually it's quite nice to get a Christmas present in January...though she usually sends me too-small clothes in a subtle dig to get me to lose weight. She's a nasty old viper, she is.

Pikelit · 30/03/2010 16:28

What's a twelve year old doing on Facebook?

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