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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Probably, but DD is upset so what do you think?

59 replies

sherby · 29/03/2010 22:12

DD is 4, in reception.

The class do some VIP thing, where every week 2 DC get to be the VIPs. So they sit on a special chair, get responsibility for taking the register to the office and other classroom stuff. They also get the VIP book to take home with a teddy and a badge etc etc.

They are all supposed to get a turn once in the term (you can see where this is going ). So obviously it is the last week of this term and DD hasn't had it yet. And she comes home today bloody upset because the teacher asked everyone to put their hand up if they haven't had it yet (3 kids) and she didn't get chosen.

Now obviously if there are too many children in a term it will have to be carried over to the next one, but expecting a 4 yr old to wait a whole term and still not get it and to be the only child who hasn't had it seems a bit off to me.

Especially as I know that the little sod who was called the TA a c**t during the class assembly had it two weeks ago

So AIBU to think that with only 3 kids left in the last week, that the teacher could have just let 3 of them be VIP this week?

OP posts:
Katey1010 · 29/03/2010 22:41

HumphreyCobbler actually yes but in a different country (Canada). I don't care about the register and so on, as long as all the children are included. But the teddy bear and badge, what nonsense. BTW I work with families, mostly with young children, have several teachers in the family and have worked in schools myself.

Besides, I didn't ask if it was normal... but if it had educational merit. Slightly different question.

brassband · 29/03/2010 22:51

YANBU , some teachers don't seem to have an ounce of common sense.It is very worrying that they are trusted to look after 20 or 30 little children.I would assume that the idea is an esteem boosting thing, which in your DDs case has had the opposite effect.

dolphin13 · 29/03/2010 22:56

YANBU. It can be very cruel.

My ds school have star of the week. The trouble is the children that get picked are usually the brats that have had a couple of good days (a kind of positive reinforcement) so the children that plod along behaving themselves don't tend to get picked.

venusonarockbun · 29/03/2010 23:02

I really wish this 'star of the week', 'best efforts awards' etc should be knocked on the head in all schools once and for all. I have had a dc who also used to come home week after week upset because of never being chosen. It always seemed to be the same few children who got these 'awards' and my dc used to come home and say "why should I bother trying to work hard, behave etc because Im never going to get one am I? Completely disheartening.

redroof · 29/03/2010 23:11

YANBU
I'd feel the same way as you sherby. Bad calculation by the teacher, as just the one child is left out.
If your DD remains upset, tell her she is obviously thought of as 'very important' already. Unlike others that use filthy words, and are possibly in need of more attention (obviously don't tell her the latter-keep it to yourself )

Agree with you Venus.

TrickyTeenagersMum · 29/03/2010 23:26

YANBU at all, I think you should complain. Is all set up with the best of intentions but poorly executed. Agree should have been three VIPS - or none...

Young stupid and keen teacher (yes I really loved this one) a couple of years ago sent ds home with a yellow laminated star of David round his neck on a string for being "star of the week". I was kind enough not to tell her about the fun some of his relatives had in the Prague ghetto a while back...

Katey1010 · 29/03/2010 23:31

Blimey TrickyTeenagersMum. A teachable moment for that teacher I think!

ChippingIn · 30/03/2010 07:11

4 is quite small to be the only one not to get a turn (and I'm normally the 'hard' one!!). It was very thoughtless of the teacher to ask who hadn't had it (you'd have thought she'd of known anyway!!) then to choose 2 out of the 3 - if she hasn't the sense to see your DD would be upset about this then maybe she needs it pointing out to her. Surely there would have been 'lots to do' in the last week before the holidays and really 'need' 3 VIP's this week - ffs - not that hard is it??

Tryharder · 30/03/2010 07:38

I don't agree with posts that say oh well, life isn't fair, get over it etc etc - tell that to starving kids in Sudan! I think that adults - teachers and parents - have a duty to ensure to the best of our abilities that all children in our care are treated equally and given the same opportunities.

It wouldn't have hurt the teacher to make sure that all the children got a turn. So, I agree: YANBU.

Chandon · 30/03/2010 08:00

YABU.

He will get his turn.

This can happen. Kids need to learn this, you can explain it to him easily.

Can´t believe parents get worked up about things like this.

Tryharder, comparing this to starving kids in Sudan ????!!! , not of the same magnitude at all, is it??!!

BelleDameSansMerci · 30/03/2010 08:31

I think the worst bit of this is that all three children put their hands up to say they hadn't been included and the teacher then excluded one child - in front of the whole class. What kind of message did that send? Your poor DD...

YANBU at all.

gtamom · 30/03/2010 10:32

My sons teacher did a similar thing in grade 2. (7 year olds) But it was organized so nobody was left out. They had a little diary for the stuffed toy, to write a story visit your home.
Same teacher had a VIP day for each child, they wore an over sized T shirt that said VIP or something had a giant badge and a crown. They brought the attendance book and helped the teacher.

gtamom · 30/03/2010 10:38

Sorry, dp distracted me. I meant to say
"to write a story about the visit at your home"
And, the VIP day was a different day than the stuffed toy overnight visit. She was a fun teacher, the kids loved her.

gtamom · 30/03/2010 10:39

I forgot to say, YANBU. Poor little dd. teacher should know better.

Original poster
sherby · 30/03/2010 12:41

spoke with TA this morning

VIP thing is still ongoing and if DD hasn't had a turn there is always next term

so not sure if the teacher is starting from the beginning again next term or if DD will presumably be first in line when they go back

OP posts:
BelleDameSansMerci · 30/03/2010 12:45

Still fuming on your behalf - poor DD. Grrrrr!

2shoeskickedtheeasterbunny · 30/03/2010 12:51

yanbu
I can't believ anyone wpuld think it is ok to do that to a 4 year old.

Jamieandhismagictorch · 30/03/2010 13:48

Tryharder I'm sorry. That is a ridiculous comparison to make.

Jamieandhismagictorch · 30/03/2010 13:58

sherby - sorry your DD is upset. I'd ask if she can go first next term.

zipzap · 30/03/2010 14:06

I think being a helper can have educational merit - OK so it is not learning your times table or alphabet but it is still a good solid skill and reinforces that helping and being responsible are good things and gives opportunities to everyone to have a go. Having a system to work through everybody gives everyone a go rather than missing out the shy ones who are a bit timid about putting their hands up or the ones that think they are cool for not doing it or whatever.

however in reception I think that having a vip for a week is a bit of a long time, especially where there aren't enough weeks for everyone to have a go. Doing it for a day at a time would mean goes come around much more quickly and less chance for one to be so noticeably left out. Also means it is a good way to introduce different ways of ordering the class - first time do it alphabetically, second time by height, third time by youngest first and so on.

rey · 30/03/2010 14:07

YANBU but my dd teacher does loads of this every week there are about 4/5 "star pupils" and it is never shared out even amongst those who are good all the time or those who are disruptive most of the time it is just shared out amongst the few with the odd person suddenly getting a turn to have the special heart cushion for the week!!!!

Pikelit · 30/03/2010 14:17

I'm not entirely comfortable with the concept of "VIP" pupils although can't put up a cogent enough argument against it! However, choosing children to be special helpers each week is a good thing and something I recall from way back when I was at school too.

YANBU in thinking that this week's selection of VIPs hasn't been done well. It is all very well insisting that life isn't fair and children best learn that as soon as possible but this was an unnecessarily hurtful incident for someone as young as 4. One that could so easily have been avoided too.

SPBInDisguise · 30/03/2010 14:23

i don't think tryharder was comparing this situation to a starving child
simply saying "life isn't fair" is a bit of a stupid saying
why do people not read posts any more?

stealthsquiggle · 30/03/2010 14:26

YANBU - having the three of them would have been by far the easiest solution. I don't think there is much you can do about it now, though .

DS's school do 'star of the week' - 1 child per class, awarded (with an explanation of why they got it) in whole-school assembly on Friday afternoons. After weeks of DS complaining about the reasons other people were given it and me explaining that it could be for trying hard at something they found hard, or an improvement in behaviour, etc, etc - I got bored and pointed out the reality that everyone would get a turn sometime in the term and that the teacher would find a reason for it . He still doesn't really get it but has mostly stopped moaning.

Joolyjoolyjoo · 30/03/2010 14:27

YANBU- I've had a similar situation with my dd's. Life sometimes isn't fair, and teachers aren't infallible.

I just helped them make their OWN VIP badge at home, and let them boss me about for an afternoon, help me make dinner etc. (I think actually they enjoyed bossing me far more than they would have enjoyed bossing their peers )

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