Leaving baby in car - AIBU or is DH?

[mumofaboy]

Ok, I know this topic has probably been done to death but I want opinions on this specific incident because I really don't know if I'm BU or PFBish.

We live above a shop, with a forcourt infront, then a footpath, then the main road. Yesterday our car was parked on the road outside. DH headed down to the car with DS (13 months) and a bag of rubbish to stick in the bins. Our bins are at the rear end of a side alley about 3 doors down. I was folding the buggy so said I'd be down in a minute after nipping to the loo. When I got downstairs there was no sign of DH, I then saw him come out of the side alley with no DS. Sure enough DS is strapped into the car which is unlocked. I blew up a bit at DH for leaving DS unattended like that.

DH thinks I overreacted (TBH I probably was a bit hard on him, but it was such a shock to come out of the door and see little DS sitting the car on his own). He accused me of trying to start an argument, but I answered calmly, 'there is no argument. I simply don't agree with leaving DS unattended in the car, and I'd rather you never did it again.' I explained to him that IMO it was wrong to leave a baby in an unlocked car, on a main road, and go out of sight of the car. We've since cleared the air and he's seen my point, but maintains he was only gone for 10 seconds , and that there was no-one around. But to me if the was a weirdo hanging around (unlikely yes, but not beyond the realms of possibility), he's given them the perfect opportunity to whip DS out of the car with no witnesses.

I'm generally pretty laid back, but on this ocassion I just thought, why take the risk?? Was I BU?

IMO YANBU. I wouldn't leave a child unattended in a LOCKED car, let alone an unlocked one.

yanbu
Would he have left his wallet on the seat of the car?

YADNBU
try and find some stories ( there are plenty out there ) about children being snatched from a car unlocked etc, or recently there was a story about a woman who left her child asleep in the car at the petrol station, could see the car etc, and saw a man jump into it and drive off with child in the back.
luckily the car was found down the road, child was safe etc.
But still, it goes to say its defiantely not safe in any way, and i would too of come down like a ton of bricks on my DH if he'd done that.

YANBU - at all!! Look at all the freaks and weirdos out there who would gladly of dashed off with your DS without giving a toss who might see!!

Also, what if someone spotted DS and called the police to say a child had been abandoned? Social Services here you come.

Have I spelt weirdos wrong?????

YANBU.

It's just not safe to leave a child alone in the car, even if they are in your sight the whole time. DH did a similar thing when he left DS in the car (parked on the road outside the house) to come back inside to fetch something he'd forgotten. It takes seconds for something to go wrong, whether you can see the car or not.

Hmmm... I am going against the grain here, but I think YABU. The chances of anything happening to your DS in the 10 seconds your DH was doing the bin are so small as to be insignificant, IMO. I'd probably have done the same as him, rather than have an inquisitive toddler trying to touch the bins. But I have also left my DS in the car when paying for petrol (depending on the length of the queue - not because I'd worry about him getting snatched, but because he'd be likely to cry/fret if I was more than a minute or two).

I think the 'what if someone called SS' angle a bit ridiculous - your DH would have been back before they could even get their phone out of their pocket!

I would NOT be happy about that at all, it's not the leaving in the car I object to it's the not being in sight.

WE have a separate drive and last week we came home I said to my dh I'm just popping to the loo quickly, ds is with me (meaning dd was left behind) "hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm, Ok" he says clearly not listening as half an hour later after having hoovered upstairs/cleaned the bathroom etc I yell down ask where dd is...

Sure enough dh crapped himself as she was still in the car.

He face was a picture as I was standing in the doorway.

Why isn't it safe to leave your child strapped in the car? Once my DS is in his car seat he can hardly lean forward, let alone reach anything. It seems to me he's probably loads safer there while I nip back in the house for a scarf then he is in the living room while I run to the loo.

Going to go against the general opinion. I don't think that it was that bad. If he was truly just gone for 10 seconds while he put the rubbish in the bin then I think that it was not a high risk.

I do not think that there are paedophiles on every street corner just waiting to spot a child unattended.

YABU, think of all children who have been killed or injured in car accidents and yet you have no qualms about driving with him in the car.

The chances of a child been taken from a car or the car being taken with the child in it are very slim.

yanbu - although it probably will be fine, it's much better to not risk it

Message deleted

I've left my dd's in the car alone for a few seconds

I think the chances of anything happening are so slim as to be virtually non existant.

A child being taken from or with a car has happened how many times in the last ten years??? I have no idea but I would wager no more than two or three times.

I never leave them longer than a few seconds and am in view

I doubt that social services would be interested in my leaving baby dd2 asleep in the car whilst I walk dd1 from the school car park to the playground (20 yards, gone 30 seconds max), whereas dd2 would object strongly to being woken by being hauled out of the nice warm dry car into the wind and rain just on the slight offchance that a child snatcher is prowling.

I might have been a bit annoyed about him not locking the car, but I don't see a problem with him being out of sight for 10 seconds.

Depends on location though. I would do similar where I live (and do), but never where my parents live (a crime hot spot which does have scary people on every street corner).

"YANBU - at all!! Look at all the freaks and weirdos out there who would gladly of dashed off with your DS without giving a toss who might see!!

Also, what if someone spotted DS and called the police to say a child had been abandoned? Social Services here you come. "

YANBU,

I would NEVER EVER leave children in the car, even if it was locked and I could see the car. Sure enough, it's a bloody pain and feels like a waste of time when I have to get them all out of their seats and carry/drag them with me only to pop in the shop for a pint of milk.

If possible I/dh fill the car when alone/both in the car. Otherwise the aforementioned saga takes place.

It's not just someone snatching the kids, it's what the kids themselves are doing in the car. DS get frightened if left in the car: get our of the car and if I take too long putting my coat on, sorting out dd, he gets hysterical. Plus my eldest can now unbuckle herself and, although she's a lovely, mellow, loving child, she's still very young and I can't trust leaving her/them alone. What if she releases the handbrake? What if she hits her brother? What if she tries to drive away (I'm sure I;ve read a story like this).

Just not worth the risk imo

runnybottom Nope, not paranoid, just wouldn't risk it, not worth it. Clearly should've just put that in my post. The police/SS comment was an extreme case example.

I wouldn't have been happy that the car was unlocked and he was out of sight but I leave DD in the car when I pay for petrol but the car is always in sight. That's the difference for me.

Thanks, it's interesting to see the spectrum of opinions. As Megglevache said, it wasn't the leaving in the car I objected to, it was going out of sight, and while DH says '10 seconds' I would imagine it was longer than that.

We live on the high street but we at a sort of deserted end of it - plenty of oddballs going past but not many people hanging around to witness potential wrong-doing. If we lived in a quiet cul-de-sac I would probably feel different.

Intergalactic - I agree about toddler touching bins etc. but it would have been easy for DH to wait for me to come down before taking the bin round while I loaded the buggy into the car.

notsochick - driving with DS in the car is necessary though, whilst leaving him unattended is not - my point is that it's a risk that is unneccessary.

If it was just popping round to put the bins out I would have done it too.

Op's didn't say her ds was scared though gobsmackedetal and you need to teach you'r dd not to unbuckle herself, what if she does it when you are driving and you don't realise?

Im afraid Im with your DH. I leave my kids (3&1) in a locked car while I pay for diesel, nip into shop to buy milk, and very often, if they fall asleep, I leave them in the car on the driveway for ages (gotta grab chances to do housework while I can!).

I do however, drive a brand new massive american dodge, so it would take someone very brave to attempt to steal it, and it would also take something on par with a bus to hit it and damage anyone inside

The only danger (as I see it) to my kids is overheating in the summer (obv I take other measures then).

DS wasn't scared and can't undo himself - I'm not worried that he'll do himself a mischief in the car, it's just the fact that he was left alone in an unlocked car on a main road. I know it's massively unlikely that someone will snatch him, but it does happen, so why put him at risk?

I probably would have done the same as your hubby, so I could have my hands free to lift bin lid etc. BUT I would have locked the car and made sure I was super quick.

But I'm a lone parent and have 2 young children, so sometimes I need to get one in the car and then go and collect the other one from flat. But I'm always quick and lock car. It's a risk but I can see that this is a tricky topic, as there are some terrible stories out there