Leaving baby in car - AIBU or is DH?

[mumofaboy]

Ok, I know this topic has probably been done to death but I want opinions on this specific incident because I really don't know if I'm BU or PFBish.

We live above a shop, with a forcourt infront, then a footpath, then the main road. Yesterday our car was parked on the road outside. DH headed down to the car with DS (13 months) and a bag of rubbish to stick in the bins. Our bins are at the rear end of a side alley about 3 doors down. I was folding the buggy so said I'd be down in a minute after nipping to the loo. When I got downstairs there was no sign of DH, I then saw him come out of the side alley with no DS. Sure enough DS is strapped into the car which is unlocked. I blew up a bit at DH for leaving DS unattended like that.

DH thinks I overreacted (TBH I probably was a bit hard on him, but it was such a shock to come out of the door and see little DS sitting the car on his own). He accused me of trying to start an argument, but I answered calmly, 'there is no argument. I simply don't agree with leaving DS unattended in the car, and I'd rather you never did it again.' I explained to him that IMO it was wrong to leave a baby in an unlocked car, on a main road, and go out of sight of the car. We've since cleared the air and he's seen my point, but maintains he was only gone for 10 seconds , and that there was no-one around. But to me if the was a weirdo hanging around (unlikely yes, but not beyond the realms of possibility), he's given them the perfect opportunity to whip DS out of the car with no witnesses.

I'm generally pretty laid back, but on this ocassion I just thought, why take the risk?? Was I BU?

YABU

I leave my kids in the car.

I live four flights of stairs up, and often leave them to carry shopping up/fetch a cuddly toy etc. alone in house while i carry things, and i tend to think strapped into car much safer, especially since they cant try and come out and down somehow

I am obv either going to have to leave them in car or
I do tend to do this when i'm alone though, if i had to do something and dh was around i would ask him to watch the kids, it does seem a tad odd to leave them alone when there is another adult available not just a case of not enough hands

I think your DH was wrong to do it. I wouldn't leave a 13 month old in an unlocked car. It's just about which risks are acceptable to you personally; my cousin could have been killed if left in my aunt's car as a baby (my aunt considered leaving her while she popped into the house to get something, decided against it and took baby with her; one minute later, a car slammed into her parked car at speed.) Likewise a friend left her toddler just for a minute and found the toddler had somehow managed to undo straps and was climbing all over the car. She hadn't got out, but......

As I say it's your own view based on how bad the risk seems to you; but I personally don't think you are unreasonable here.

YANBU at all!

YANBU
I have left DC in the locked car sometimes, i live above the shops and sometimes its unavoidable, if i get home at night and they have fallen asleep in the car, theres no way i could carry both up at the same time aswell as my bags etc, i'd never leave it unlocked though. Always leave them in the car at petrol stations again i lock it.

I would and have done this but locked the doors. I do this when getting petrol, and I have done it on my street when loading/unloading the car. I wouldn't leave him for long or go out of sight for more than a few seconds and I would always lock the door.

My DH is more cavalier than I am too though, drives me mad.

YABU completely agree with your husband

YANBU in that he should have locked the car.

YANBU but my DH would have and has done similar.

I would be a bit iffy about an unlocked car, people just love nicking cars.

I would have done it with the car locked.

Overall I think you over-reacted, yes.

thank you for the parenting lesson notsochick, dd knows VERY well not to unbuckle herself while car is moving, but enjoys being independant and doing it herself after we've stopped.

Imsonottelling - yes, I agree. It was the going out of sight and leaving the car unlocked I was pissed off with. If the car was locked it would cause enough of an obstacle that any potential chancer would be unable to do anything until we got back. Similarly if DH had popped into the shop downstairs and kept the car in sight I wouldn't have worried.

I think I was peeved because had he waited two minutes I would have been there to take over while he dumped the rubbish. If he'd been on his own I could understand it but it was just impatience on his part.

Wow, soon as I read the OP I though 'def v PFB!' and I am so shocked by the other posters saying YANBU!!
I would not think twice about strapping DS in his car seat and then putting a bin bag into a wheelie bin just round the side of the house!
Surely thats much safer than having DS toddle round the corner with you, when your hands are full with a bin sack and there is a road right by you??? the danger of a small child dashing into the road is greater than the danger of someone stealing him in the time it would have taken DH to put a bin bag in a wheelie bin!!

YAB a bit U i think.

Sooo unlikely that something would happen - you're more likely to have an accident whilst in the car, with the children in it, yet you still do that without a second thought!

I have been known to leave DD1 in the car on our drive for a couple of hours having her sleep if she fell asleep just before we got home. I also leave both DDs for short times while paying for petrol/nipping to cashpoint etc.

I remember being left in the car with my sister often while Mum did shopping/banking etc. I know we live in a slightly different world now, but I'm not actually sure it's that different tbh... just that we are more aware.

Fel1x - DS can't walk yet so not an issue - the wheelie bins are 3/4 doors down, at the far end of a side alley, so not just next to the house.

It's interesting to hear what a wide range of opinions there are on this subject though. Generally I'm very laid back (really, really not PFBish!!), so I surprised myself with my strong reaction on this ocassion!!

I do find these threads interesting - people are so poles apart on this issue! As I said though I do think that's fine - it's down to your individual perception of risk. I don't buy the 'but driving them around is riskier'......yes, I agree, statistically it is but again it's how you as an individual parent want to manage risk; at least driving them, you are there and actively able to take steps to protect them. You're not, if they're alone in the vehicle.

Personally, the couple of incidents I have had close to my family have made the risks seem far closer and more real to someone who hadn't had those experiences. So it makes me manage risk differently. With ds at this age, there wasn't anything I had to do that couldn't be managed a different way; empty the bin when I didn't have DS with me, for instance.

op maybe your DS wasn't scared and can't unbuckle himself now, but such things turn into habits, if you keep doing it you kinda get "desensitised" to it iyswim.