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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be really annoyed at this? dh thinks i am!

59 replies

Broodymomma · 28/03/2010 20:49

So it was my son's 3rd birthday party on saturday. He had some pals at soft play then we had a few days before invited a few friends back to our house after for drinks and food. They all accepted. Told ds what friends were coming back and spent loads of money decorating house with party stuff, buying food/drink not to mention the 2 days cleaning in preparation for all these people coming back.
Fast forward to the party, everybody seemed to enjoy it no hassles, habded out the partybags and then never seen anyone again - all just went home without even telling us they were not coming back.
I was mortified and felt awful for my son. They were mostly dh's pals and he is saying "whats the problem" - I am furious. Felt they could of atleast said thankyou for the party and sorry we cant come back and at very last goodbye.
AMBU to think they have been very rude?

OP posts:
Original poster
Broodymomma · 28/03/2010 21:05

We had a party at a soft play center and I had said to a few close friends "do you want to come to our house after the soft play for some food and drinks - the kids can play and we can have a catch up" I had said this a week before the party and texted them again the night before. They all accepted the invitation to come our our home after the soft play centre. They confirmed the night before that they would be coming for food and drink to our house. They then left the soft play centre without saying they were not infact going to come back to our house as arranged. Therefore I waisted a lot of money and time arranging food and drink when they had confirmed less than 24hrs before that they were coming to our home after the party.
Sorry if I was not clear, hope this makes sense.

OP posts:
dizzydixies · 28/03/2010 21:06

makes sense - very rude and yanbu to be upset

KwanYin · 28/03/2010 21:06

It's really clear to me from your OP. YANBU - they've been very rude.

BattyKoda · 28/03/2010 21:07

Was there food at the soft play party?

Original poster
Broodymomma · 28/03/2010 21:08

They had left as I was still handing out party bags I had not even realised they were gone. To my knowledge nothing happened at the party to offend them everyone seemed to have a lovely time.

I am just going to leave it and take your advice, next year it will be soft play party only. I just tried to do something nice and if I am honest feel very hurt at the way they just left without as much as a goodbye.

OP posts:
Dominique07 · 28/03/2010 21:08

Well we weren't there. If you were discussing it at the soft play, i.e. I've got loads of food prepared, hope you're hungry. The kids are going to play pass the parcel at home, etc then obviously they'd remember, and have a chance to tell you what their plans were.
If you didn't talk about it chances are they are as confused as you are pissed off!? Why don't you ask one of them what happened?

JustMyTwoPenceWorth · 28/03/2010 21:08

You made sense the first two times, OP.

I would be cross too. Are you going to ask them why they didn't come back to yours?

Too late now but when they left you could have texted them at once and said "Meet you back at mine as we agreed yesterday. See you soon."

It doesn't matter if there was food at the soft play, when you gave out the party bags or whatever. The fact of the matter is you issued a clear invitation to come back to your house, which they accepted and which was confirmed the night before the party.

macdoodle · 28/03/2010 21:10

Why would you have a party after a party, mine are normally shattered after a soft play party, as am I, chasing after a 3yr old who is not quite old enough to be in the big bit alone, but too big too stay in the little bit, is my idea of hell!
The last thing I would want to do would be carry on "partying", I like to go home and collapse with a glass of wine!

Original poster
Broodymomma · 28/03/2010 21:10

Food for the kids yes not the adults. They all knew the invite was to come back to our house so they were not confused. Our ds has just got a playroom and I had mentioned the kids could play in the playroom and we could have a catch up. Just angry they accepted and then never said they had changed their mind.
Thanks for all your input I honestly do not feel I am unresonable in being upset but dh does. Sure he would not if it was my friends.

OP posts:
BattyKoda · 28/03/2010 21:10

Sounds more like there has been a mix up - you should have called when you realised they'd gone to find out where they were.

Pozzled · 28/03/2010 21:12

It sounds to me like there's been a big misunderstanding somewhere. How many friends were supposed to be coming to the house? Because if it was more than one or two, I can't imagine that they could ALL have changed their minds from the night before. Makes me think they didn't fully understand the arrangements, or thought you had changed your mind.

Or... did anything happen at soft play? There were no arguments or fallings out between the kids that made them think it was better to head straight off?

If I were you I would text the people concerned, 'Thanks for coming, x had a great time. We were sorry not to see you at our house- hope everything is ok'.

thisisjuststupid · 28/03/2010 21:13

YANBU i think that was rude of them, but its a bit odd all of them forgot isnt it?

Original poster
Broodymomma · 28/03/2010 21:13

MacDoodle I was wondering that myself on saturday morning lol but some family were coming to our house and we thought it would be nice for ds to have a couple of his friends there and its just something as a group we always do.

OP posts:
SixtyFootDoll · 28/03/2010 21:18

YANBU to be upset

Did you say anything about the after-party at the soft play?
When you gave them their bags did you say 'see you back at ours in a bit?'

If I was in their situation and you didnt mention the after bit, i would assume that it was off.

i genuinely think they were confused.

Original poster
Broodymomma · 28/03/2010 21:19

Yeah I thought that myself. One of my friend's kids kicked off a little at one point but I did not see anything major go on. I will follow the advise of the text above (thanks pozzled)- dont want to have a bi€g row about it. Just felt they could have said they were not coming to the house when they had confirmed not 24hr before. Mabye I am just being a big softy getting upset over it.
It was 3 friends who were meant to come back. To be fair 1 did say her parents were coming round that afternoon so that is why she did not come back but still did not say she was not coming.
The other 2 I have no idea, wondering now if their kids had a fight or something that I did not see.
Anyway at the end of the day they were at the actual party and thats all that matters I suppose. Lesson learned not to bother next year buying in drinks and food for after!! Thanks

OP posts:
usualsuspect · 28/03/2010 21:20

I would have texted or rang them after they had left to see if they were still coming...

Original poster
Broodymomma · 28/03/2010 21:21

I wish I had thought to do that - was just so annoyed when I realised they were not coming and dh kept telling me to leave it

OP posts:
ruddynorah · 28/03/2010 21:22

i know what you mean OP. dd did soft play for her 3rd birthday and we then had her grand parents, aunts and cousins back to ours straight after for a more grown up tea and opening of all the presents.

maybe they didn't understand it was the same day? why didn't your dh sort of herd them up at the end if you were bisy with party bags?

squeaver · 28/03/2010 21:24

I have to ask, you say they were your dh's friends - were all the people invited/not showing up male?

Because that would explain everything.

BAFE · 28/03/2010 21:28

I think something happened at the party to upset them and that is why they left without even saying goodbye or thank you.

SugarMousePink · 28/03/2010 21:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Broodymomma · 28/03/2010 21:39

No they were 3 couples with kids. Chatted to them all at the party and they were all fine. Thats why I was so shocked. Cant see how they would have beenn confused or misunderstood they agreed to come to the house after the party. Oh well we live and learn. Just put it down to experience and enjoy ds's actual birthday tomorrow. Thanks again

OP posts:
Original poster
Broodymomma · 28/03/2010 21:43

Ruddy - they had literally left we had no idea they were gone. We had 21 kids there and it was a big place. I would never leave a party without saying thank you and bye to the host "and sorry we are not going to come back to the house for.... whatever reason. If I had done something to offend them I think I would know. I fed their kids, played with them, chatted to all the parents and gave them lovely party bags. If something else happened it was not my fault and went unoticed to any of us so manners alone they should have said they had changed their mind about coming back.
Poor ds sat and made chocolate marshmallow smarties for all of his pals coming to the house and picked out toys for them he thought they would like. I know he wont remember or even care just felt sorry for him.

OP posts:
ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 28/03/2010 21:47

Oh that is really shitty and weird. YANBU at all. I think your DH needs to text them to ask what happened, if you don't feel you can. You are going to feel weird around them in future if not.

howdoo · 28/03/2010 21:49

YANBU and they were very rude - I expect you will find out why in the next few days. But also it is a good lesson to learn - never tell your young child ANYTHING until it actually happens. I have done it too many times - driven to the softplay just to find out it is shut on Mondays, told DSs we are going to meet X at the park just for X to ring up 15 mins before to say they can't make it etc etc!!
We never tell ours anything now!