to not want to go on an expensive holiday... for the MILLIONTH TIME

[soBloodyFedUp]

My parents have always been pretty delighted with their own view of the world, and extremely censorious of anyone who doesn't live up to it.

I moved away years ago; in recent years they have taken to moaning the entire time that I won't fit in with their holiday plans. I say "I'll be really busy with work in September" so lo and behold they decide to come and visit in September, then get really p'd off when I say "actually i'm busy then".

The last few years they have decided they really like a particular island in the Carribean. Lucky for them on their baby boomer final salary pensions, they go there about 5 times a year. Every single time there is a demand that I join them, and then major sulking when I point out that I can't afford about 250 quid per day. there is absolutely no way they intend paying for me - they hate spongers.

I have just said that I am being made redundant in July from my job that pays approximately the minimum wage. I have already spent all my savings on electricity and food. Guess what the only comment was?

"We are having such a lovely time here. We've decided to come here again in September. Given that you won't have a job you'll have lots of free time, so why don't you come with us?"

AAARRRGGGGGHHHHH

YANBU how completely insensitive of them.

show them your bank statementS, if they don't believe you can't afford it! How rude of them. YANBU.

thank heavens a few other people think this is insensitive. I just don't get why they think their point of view is so right.

I've offered to go on holiday with them in a cottage in Wales or Norfolk, every summer for years, but they just ignore that every time.

Tell them straight.

Mum and dad, I think you are rude and insensitive to keep showing off to me that you can afford such fab holidays when I have told you repeatedly I dont have the money to pay for this.

If you really want me to come, you need to pay for me. It is the only way, as I simply DO NOT HAVE THE MONEY. And please, dont ask me again. And if you dont want to pay for me, then either come with me for a holiday I can afford, or dont bother.

YANBU, they are being twunts.

Bums, meant to add I wouldn't expand or send bank statements, saying 'No thank you, I can't afford it' shoudl be enough for any normal person.

Jesus.Idiots.
(Sorry)

and i just spoke to my sister about it and she thinks I'm being selfish and that it's not nice that I won't spend quality time with my parents. FGS..............................

are you sure they aren't willing to pay for you?
otherwise it's just wierd to keep asking

Does your sister go with them?

I think perhaps they intend to pay for you. Nobody could be that insensitive!

Sister and family go with them a couple of times a year - BIL has ridiculously large salary.

Definitely not willing to pay for me. Many years ago when DS was alive they used to offer to pay for me and him, but not DH. But we did that once and discovered what that actually meant was "we will give you accommodation and then bitch at you constantly because we don't like people who don't pay their own way, and we will expect you to take us out to dinner all the time".

Their tight-fistedness was a major factor in DH and me splitting up after DS died.

YANBU, they sound like a pain in the neck. BUT I don't think anything you could say or do will change their attitude so I think you need to stop hoping they will be understanding and reasonable and then being upset because they're not. Could you rise above it and be breezy? Say something like "I can't afford it obviously, but I hope you have a fabulous time you lucky things."

Do you think that their view of the world equates success with wealth rather than with living a happy life or being a good person? I think it's something to be pitied when people really believe that, they are missing out on so much, not least the love and company of their daughter.

I'm sorry for your loss, and sorry that you don't have the sort of family that can be supportive in emotionally difficult times.

so yanbu, they sound hideous.

They sound awful and totally insensitive. So sorry to hear about your boy

Fucking hell your parents sound like awful human beings. Sorry. Especially after such an awful loss, why would they not want to spoil you rotten?
Not suggesting that a fancy holiday in any way makes up for losing your DS but fgs, so and for you.

YANBU. Sorry to say it, but your parents and sister all sound like really horrible people. Really for you.

hugs

God, how hideous. I would find it very hard to actually have any time for them at all. I'm so sorry .

YA soooooooooooo NBU.
Sorry about your ds.
and they sound really weird.

You are SO NBU. Sorry to hear about your DS and your redundancy. I hope you can get some support elsewhere. xx

Yanbu

but you should also be delighted that you don't have to go with them as they sound such utterly selfish, nasty arseholes.

i am still shocked at how horrible some parents on mn are.
personally, if i had someone in my life liek that, i'd tell them straight, i cant afford it. if you want me to come, then pay for it, or shut up about it.

I have said more or less that... time after flipping time... i think they're all just wrapped up in their own little cocoon of denial about the outside world. sigh

time to start surfing volunteer work in refugee camp type websites ... that way I'll have something better to do than sit at home getting emails from my parents, once i don't have a job.

Just to add that plenty of adults woulnd't want to spend their holidays with their parents even if they could afford it. Even if you could afford a holiday in the Carribbean they would be selfish to insist that you spend your holiday time with them.

I'd long ago given up trying to understand why on earth anyone would actually want to go on holiday with them.... this is more about dealing with their demands rather than my ideal plans for a holiday...