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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think this person is irresponsible to come with her child to a social event

36 replies

PavlovtheCat · 27/03/2010 21:03

when
a) her DS (aged 4) has impetigo, he has been off school all week as she has been 'quarantined' (her words) because of it.
b) she is recovering from a bout of tonsilitis and was apparantly ill all last week, and still felt poorly.

There was a 17 week old baby there, as well as an 8month old who are vulnerable to bugs such as tonsilitis and young children playing with the boy who had impetigo.

AIBU to think she was irresponsible to either bring him, or not let us know they had illnesses that were contagious so we could choose not to come?

AIBU or should I just get over myself and accept that we cannot cocoon our children?

OP posts:
JustMyTwoPenceWorth · 27/03/2010 21:04

Yes, I think she was.

ljgibbs · 27/03/2010 21:06

YANBU If her child is contagious she should not have been at a social event with them.

weegiemum · 27/03/2010 21:08

My rule is : too ill/contagious for school = too ill/contagious for going out.

edam · 27/03/2010 21:09

What a selfish, stupid woman. Blimey.

Original poster
PavlovtheCat · 27/03/2010 21:10

I am guessing that impetigo is contagious for the duration? While it is still visible? Does it stop being contagious while present? DD was told when we got there 'do not kiss xxx' like that makes a difference, surely, when they scratch/rub/touch their faces, then toys that are shared and other children who they are playing with.
Not sure when tonsilitis stops being contagious either, but she was complaining of sore swollen glands and painful ears still.

OP posts:
Original poster
PavlovtheCat · 27/03/2010 21:14

weegie she made a point about how they have been stuck indoors as he has not been able to go to school because of it! and I thought, but stupidly did not say 'so why is it ok to socialise him now with our children?'.

I feel a bit spineless for not saying anything, or for not just leaving, but the gathering was my very best friend's birthday and DD was so excited at being there and playing with the children, I did not want to just leave. And, at the time we arrived, I did not know the woman was ill too, just the boy.

I did not know she was ill until after she had been cuddling my 17wk old DS .

I am glad I am not being overly protective. I was very pissed off and I kept wiping DDs hands and face! I am never normally bothered by germs.

OP posts:
ravenAK · 27/03/2010 21:32

Very selfish - ds has had impetigo a couple of times. It's foul - uncomfortable, sore, requires horrible tasting medicine & much hot-washing of towels.

No way you'd risk inflicting that on someone else - it's not like a cold that's doing the rounds, where everyone's probably going to get it eventually & that's what your immune system's for...

& if I'd had tonsilitis, I might go out if I knew everyone well & pre-warned them, but then I wouldn't be cuddling other people's babies.

Original poster
PavlovtheCat · 27/03/2010 21:36

raven her ex-h picked her ds up from the event later, and she gave him the medicine/cream etc and said that to him - towels to be washed on 60degrees, seperate towels and flannels etc. So it is not even like she did not know. She did know, but seemed oblivious to the fact there were other children around too. Very strange.

OP posts:
pigletmania · 27/03/2010 21:37

I totally agree with the majority, geese the mentality of some people, obvioulsy their enjoyment is much more important that the childs or others health and wellbeing.

scanty · 27/03/2010 21:45

Jeeze, learn something new every day - had no idea tonsilitis was contagious! Will have to google impetigo????

cookielove · 27/03/2010 21:46

Could you see the impetigo, if the child had been off for a week with treatment it is highly unlikely that it will be contagious anymore, i looked after a little boy who had impetigo for weeks and we didn't realise, this was a day nursery, not one other child caught it, it was on his chin, and as i am sure you know, little ones have very close contact and put things in their mouths all the time.

I assume that she was also being treated, and aslong as most of the course had been taken, i don't think she would be contagious either.

Clearly i don't know 100% if they were contangious, but to be honest i wouldn't have been that worried, but then i do have a very good immune system.

Original poster
PavlovtheCat · 27/03/2010 21:52

cookie yes you could see it. It was all over his mouth/chin.

OP posts:
cookielove · 27/03/2010 21:54

was it weeping?

weegiemum · 27/03/2010 21:56

tbh the tonsillitis probably wasn't catching if she has had it all week.

I would be murderous very cross with someone who passed impetigo on to my kids though. I caught it (and scabies - eww) from a child when I was a teaching student. Very uncomfortable and I would not wish it on anyone.

Note to teaching students : never ever touch children!

Original poster
PavlovtheCat · 27/03/2010 21:56

And, i do agree with the whole strong immune system. I am not normally an overly fussy mother, DD is clean and washes her hands before meals etc but if she picks something she has dropped on the floor and eats it I am not stressed. I don't actively encourage that, but neither do I panic if it is done. Same with normal common colds etc. She goes to nursery and is at risk of catching stuff all the time, and has a good immune system herself.

DS who is still a baby, he is not so strong. He has suffered a little already with bugs this winter and I really don't want another one yet (for my own sanity at night as much as anything!).

I guess I felt I should have been told beforehand then I could have made my own decision about going (along with DH). This person is a 'friend' so she knows us, knows we have a baby and knew we would be there. Her little boy and our DD play together a lot.

OP posts:
Original poster
PavlovtheCat · 27/03/2010 21:57

cookie i don't know, he was busy running around so i did not get a close look.

OP posts:
Original poster
PavlovtheCat · 27/03/2010 21:58

weegie its the 'probably' though for me, if she said to me 'i have been unwell all week, probably not catching' i would probably have said 'cool but won't pass ds to you for a cuddle then ok?'

OP posts:
cookielove · 27/03/2010 21:59

I can see where your coming from, but i can see it from her side to. Maybe i'll just sit on the fence for this one

Bramshott · 27/03/2010 22:09

Child with impetigo would annoy me, but if she had tonsilitus last week, she's probably not at all contagious now.

MintHumbug · 27/03/2010 22:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MintHumbug · 27/03/2010 22:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LoremIpsum · 27/03/2010 22:42

After 48 hours on antibiotics, impetigo is no longer contagious. The quarantine period is during the first 48 hours of treatment, so assuming her son had been on his treatment for the required time, YABU.

If he hadn't, then YANBU.

l39 · 27/03/2010 22:46

What a selfish woman. I'd be furious too.

Don't panic about the impetigo, though. One of my twins had a small patch years ago. Her identical twin, with whom she shares a room and often a bed, didn't catch it.

MintHumbug · 27/03/2010 22:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Pozzled · 27/03/2010 22:48

YANBU. I was supposed to be meeting up with friends yesterday who both have toddlers. I didn't because I have one of those stinking cough/colds that I wouldn't wish on anyone. Was gutted not to catch up with my friends, and bored stuck at home. But that's life.