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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to question the sleeping arrangements when my children sleep at their dads house

40 replies

sknj · 26/03/2010 14:34

When my children stay at their dad's house my daughter (10) sleeps on a blow-up bed at the bottom of her dad's and girlfriends bed and my two boys (12 & 8)on the floor of the girlfrinds sons (13) bedroom. I'm not happy with this arrangment what are your thoughts and does anyone know the legalities of this?

OP posts:
SixtyFootDoll · 26/03/2010 14:36

Legalities?
If they only have two bedrooms where is everyone supposed to sleep?

Original poster
sknj · 26/03/2010 14:42

not to worried about the boys but i personally don't think its apropriate for my 10 yr old daughter to sleep in the same room as her dad and girlfriend, when they have only seen her every other weekend for 8 month, i have no problem with them staying there, just where she sleeps.

OP posts:
WillowM2B · 26/03/2010 14:50

Its not an ideal situation and I would not be happy being the daughter, girlfriend or ex partner either!

If it were me I would suggest we slept in the lounge on an airbed and daughter had full use of our bed.

Maybe your daughter could ask for that to happen?

mjinhiding · 26/03/2010 14:56

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Original poster
sknj · 26/03/2010 15:00

clean bedding?????

OP posts:
mjinhiding · 26/03/2010 15:01

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GypsyMoth · 26/03/2010 15:06

mj.....i'm thinking we all sleep in hotel beds etc where god knows what has happened!! so its not a real argument....just a personal opinion!!

mjinhiding · 26/03/2010 15:13

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kda5 · 26/03/2010 18:09

the kids won't confront their dad with any of their issues and all ready at their ages they know its their dads way or no way. ( i've joined here myself as sis posted on her account, so user name is different than original)

Missus84 · 26/03/2010 18:12

Does your daughter mind sleeping there though? Would she rather sleep on the sofa?

StewieGriffinsMom · 26/03/2010 18:16

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RumourOfAHurricane · 26/03/2010 18:24

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Missus84 · 26/03/2010 18:26

Surely the most important thing is that the children spend time with their dad, rather than the sleeping arrangements being perfect anyway?

kda5 · 28/03/2010 22:09

problem is i think it inappropriate. and for your info never have i or never will control/ manage anyone. obviously you are a control freak to even think someone else is like it.
i wish they did spend time with their dad when they do see him but he has a bigger passion,,, his car, always has and always will come 1st.
so yes i want to know my kids are in a safe enviroment, which sleeping in a room with someone they hardly know is strange and uneceptible in my opinion

Missus84 · 28/03/2010 22:12

What is inappropriate? Your dd sleeping in the same bedroom as her dad or the boys sharing with the stepbrother?

Would your daughter rather sleep on the sofa?

DuelingFanjo · 28/03/2010 22:12

explain to him that you think it would be better if she sleep in the living/sitting room?

ScreaminEagle · 28/03/2010 22:14

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ScreaminEagle · 28/03/2010 22:16

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Fruitysunshine · 28/03/2010 22:17

At the end of the day, unless the children are at risk it is down to their dad what goes on under his roof. If he expressed concerns to you after you got a new partner who had children about something or other I am not so sure you would be happy to listen.

If you daughter is happy then I don't see what the issue is.

And I certainly don't think your ex and his partner would be getting up to anything whilst your DD is in the bedroom so I am not sure what the real issue is here...

ChippingIn · 28/03/2010 22:22

kda5 - if you are set in your belief that it is 'inappropriate' and 'strange & unacceptable' and don't want to listen to anyone else's opinion - why are you posting in AIBU?

FWIW - t may not be an ideal situation, 2 adults & that many kids in a 2bdrm house - but it's only every second weekend for a night (or two), it's hardly the end of the world. I would assume that your ex & his partner have the sense not to be shagging themselves silly while his daughter is in the bedroom with them.

If you don't think your children are safe with their Dad then you need to do something about it.

It sounds more like you are unhappy now that he has them every other weekend. He may not be perfect, but he is their Dad. IF you have valid reasons why it's not safe for them to be there - then do something. If you don't and you just don't like them having a relationship with their Dad then you need to deal with that yourself - and to be very frank, that is what it sounds like.

Tanga · 28/03/2010 22:23

Hmm...I smell ishoos. No attempt to engage with the advice given to help the situation, snappy rudeness to people posting, what the car has to do with it is anyone's guess and it seems to be more about the new girlfriend than anything else. She's not a stranger, they've known her for 8 months, fgs.

There are no 'legalities' you can use here, and what safety problems could there possibly be? Faulty valve on the airbed?

KwanYin · 28/03/2010 22:25

I don't see a problem myself.

PeedOffWithNits · 28/03/2010 22:32

well I would not want a 10 yr old who was not my flesh and blood sharing our bedroom, so how does the stepmum feel about this? and how much longer can it go on before the Dd feels uncomfortable herself - till she is 12? 14?
air bed in the lounge sounds better, privacy all round

boys sharing, all similar ages - cannot see a problem?? bet they love sharing a room and camping on the floor!

Fruitysunshine · 28/03/2010 23:24

I am a stepmum and I have had my youngest stepson sleep in our room a few times whilst he was going through a stage of nightmare - he was around 5 or 6.

He is not my flesh and blood but I still care about him and don't have any issue with him. His father is my husband therefore he must be treated like the rest of the children in the home.

This sounds like a temporary measure to be honest - they themselves will know it is not ideal but unless they have a 3-bed to move to then it will continue for a while yet. As and when his daughter wants her own space then I am sure she will say something...

Stinkyfeet · 28/03/2010 23:34

Where do you think they should all sleep, kda?