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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to question the sleeping arrangements when my children sleep at their dads house

40 replies

sknj · 26/03/2010 14:34

When my children stay at their dad's house my daughter (10) sleeps on a blow-up bed at the bottom of her dad's and girlfriends bed and my two boys (12 & 8)on the floor of the girlfrinds sons (13) bedroom. I'm not happy with this arrangment what are your thoughts and does anyone know the legalities of this?

OP posts:

gaelicsheep · 28/03/2010 23:35

With maintenance to pay for 3 kids he probably can't afford a bigger house can he? What's he supposed to do exactly? YABU and interfering.

damnedchilblains · 29/03/2010 09:38

I agree with Tanga, sorry but I really don't see the problem. Unless your ex and his gf are getting it on with your daughter in the room this isn't a major issue. Your children have regular contact. IF your daughter has told you she doesn't like the situation for a specific reason then that could be a problem, but from your posts I'd say this isn't the case.

Besides the car coming first is there something else going on that could shed light on why you're reacting like this to a seemingly innocent "best made out of a hard" situation?

damnedchilblains · 29/03/2010 09:38

Oh and thus far yabu

kda5 · 05/04/2010 20:57

i would not know if ex is getting it on would i.... and maintanance?????? whats that. i get nothing,, i asked for peoples opinions but i see most of you are on the defencive. i'll concentrate on my kids and do what i think best for them instead of asking advice. hope no one has problems in future

BitOfFun · 05/04/2010 21:03

Why aren't you getting any maintenance?

Eurostar · 05/04/2010 21:20

I can't understand what the problem is at all? Unless your DD has said she doesn't like it? They're only sleeping.

chiccadee · 05/04/2010 21:24

kda5 - just read this thread. To be fair, I don't think most posters are being defensive, they just aren't sure what it is that you are objecting to exactly. Can you be more specific about your concerns? What would be the ideal set-up in your view?

plonker · 05/04/2010 21:26

What do the children think?

Are they happy with the arrangements?

hellymelly · 05/04/2010 21:29

I don't understand why this is a problem? Surely you can trust that the adults won't be having sex while she is in the room,and surely its nice for her to be safe and snug close to her Daddy? We co-sleep with our daughters who are a lot younger but even so,i really don't get why this is an issue,surely children sleep in with their parents all the time?

kda5 · 05/04/2010 23:02

i get no maintanance because he is screwing the system very well,self employed, but funnily enough has a very expensive hobby. i have no worries about bringing them up without help, they appreciate all i do for them and would never let them go without.
sorry, thought i had said DD isn't happy about sleeping situ. but won't say anything to her dad. she is very quiet and reserved when it comes to talking to him about problems.

plonker · 05/04/2010 23:16

If your dd is unhappy, then yes, the sleeping arrangements need looking at.

It's very sad that your dd won't speak to her daddy about it though

At the end of the day there has to be a compromise somewhere along the line to try and find a solution that everyone is happy with. Can you speak amicably with your exh? Have you got a plan in mind that you feel will work better?

chiccadee · 05/04/2010 23:24

kda5, if your DD is unhappy then you are right to be concerned. What is her worry (guessing here so sorry if totally off track but, eg could it be lack of privacy or puberty issues due to sharing generally, rather than sharing with your ex and his GF specifically?)? Can you explore that and find out if there is an alternative she would be more comfortable, eg sleeping on dining room floor if there is one. Once you know what she would prefer then could you raise that with your ex on her behalf?

Also, does your ex have a garden? Might sound crazy but maybe when the weather is better the older boys could sleep out in a tent as an adventure occasionally to give your DD some space to herself inside?

Pikelit · 05/04/2010 23:27

If your dd is unhappy about the sleeping arrangements but is too shy to speak to her father then you must raise the matter with him on her behalf.

kda5 · 05/04/2010 23:32

it is sad, but its the same with all 3. non of them will talk to him, i try to stay out of things to give them the oportunity to sort it out with him themselves, but they have been knocked back so many times they won't approach him with anything. i told him a while back that DD wasn't happy about it, didn't make a big fuss just mentioned it in convo when we were on talking terms but nothing has been done. sure it will get sorted soon

kda5 · 05/04/2010 23:36

the boys would love camping in the garden. they were asking to sleep on the trampoline tonight.lol

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