To wish my mum would take more pride in her appearance

[ellesapelle]

My mum is 56 and over the last few years her dress sense has gone downhill. The other day we went for dinner in a nice restaurant and she turned up wearing trainers, a tatty jumper which had shrunk in the wash and some incredibly unflattering tapered bright blue cord trousers. I was worried at first that we wouldn't be allowed into the restaurant. I'm not saying she should start dressing like Joan Collins, but I don't think that her outfit was appropriate for going out for dinner. We sat next to a table of couples around her age and the women were wearing nice tops and black trousers. It's not just a case of her wearing frumpy clothes - jeans and a fleece would be an improvement. She just throws things together and the effect is 'bag lady' - I know it's awful of me to say that. She carries a tatty handbag which is falling apart even though I got her a lovely black leather one for Christmas - she apparently didn't like the clasp on it. She wears trainers everywhere - gym ones not smarter Converse style ones. Fair enough if she wants to be comfortable, but I don't see why she can't get some nice smart shoes from Clarks or Ecco. She gets a curly perm which looks dreadful - Kevin Keegan in the 70s. Her clothes and hair add years to her which is such a shame because she has fantastic skin for someone her age. She's a size 20 but makes herself look even bigger by wearing such unflattering clothes. She also wears huge glasses which cover too much of her face.

I know this comes across as incredibly bitchy and shallow, but if I'm being completely honest, I do find it embarrassing being out with her sometimes. People give her funny looks and I've heard people sniggering when we were queuing in a shop. She has a very good job so she's not short of money to buy new clothes. My dad has commented on it as well, though neither of us would dare bringing it up with her. She's very quick to criticise others - she'll comment on my bad skin (I have PCOS), or tell me I should get my hair cut like so-and-so - but the second anyone criticises her, she goes mad at them and leaves the room. I'm not very high maintenance in terms of beauty - I've never had a manicure/pedicure or bought a designer label etc but I try and wear flattering clothes that are smart enough for wherever I'm going, so it's not that I'm judging her by impossibly high standards. I hate the thought of people looking at my mum and thinking she's lazy and scruffy or a bit strange instead of the amazing successful woman she is.

I'm planning a dinner to celebrate my birthday, DP's new job and my parents and PIL meeting for the first time but I'm not sure I want to book anywhere too nice in case she turns up in her trainers and jeans and we get turned away. I'm also a bit worried about the impression PIL will take away of her.

Maybe it shouldn't bother me and I'm being unreasonable.
(BTW, I've namechanged from a family NN)

As a 'larger lady' myself, I can tell you that I also suffer from 'sling-it-on-and-don't-think-about-what-it-looks-like-itis'. Those of you who are size 16 and below often don't understand what it's like knowing that most shops you walk into will either have a very limited selection or nothing at all that will fit you. There are some shops which go up to 20 or 22 but often they are cut fairly small, so still don't fit! If I find something that fits, I buy a couple of them, and practically live in them until they wear out. Oh, and for what it's worth, I wear trainers a lot of the time as my feet are too broad for many other 'nice' shoes to fit. I hate both clothes and shoe shopping and avoid it like the plague!

It is a viscious circle though - you don't feel you look nice, so you feel low. You feel low so you eat. You eat so you get fatter. You get fatter so no clothes fit. No clothes fit so you don't feel you look nice. And so on. Ad nauseam.

Take a few moments to walk in her skin and think about how low you'd feel.

Sorry, I find the OP very hurtful, who gives a shit??!! Let her be ffs. Just because she doesn't come up to your social standards, adjust YOUR expectations, don't expect a person to change to fit in with you. None of us look perfect day in day out, give her a break. How bloody shallow.