Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is my aunt being stupid or am I a bad mother?

69 replies

valleyqueen · 24/03/2010 19:13

My mum very kindly offered to take dd 11 to the states to visit family for 3 weeks. I jumped at the chance as I would struggle to afford the flights and would love her to meet my cousins out there, it will also mean she is safe with my mum while I am at work.

Today my aunt in front of dd told me that I was mad to agree and wouldn't I miss her (of course I bloody will,but I want her to have the opportunity to go). She then went on about enjoying them while they are young blah blah. I have booked the last 2 weeks of the holidays off so we can spend lots of time together to, but surely letting her go is the right thing to do if i am happy about it, I just know she is bad mouthing me to all and sundry.

OP posts:
ohemgee · 24/03/2010 19:33

Loony Aunt definitely. I went to the states with my Grandparents when I was about 13, it was wonderful being on my own with them, meeting family, sightseeing etc I'll always remember it.

Spidermama · 24/03/2010 19:33

What absolutely everyone else said.

Pozzled · 24/03/2010 19:34

She will have a fantastic time with her grandmother. I think it would be very unfair NOT to let her go, assuming that it is what she wants.

5Foot5 · 24/03/2010 19:35

Is your aunt one of these timid people who would never dream of making such a journey herself?

Anyway. Ignore her. Your Mum has made a fantastic offer and I am sure this will be a great experience for your daughter. Of course you will miss her but it is only 3 weeks and she will have so much to tell you when she gets back

Original poster
valleyqueen · 24/03/2010 19:36

Fab I did ask and she just said that's it's a long way for a little girl to without her mum. She can be v judgy but has never been with me ( not to my face anyway).

OP posts:
Gay40 · 24/03/2010 19:36

Your daughter will love it and I'm in full agreement: everything will be fine.
I'd let my 8 year old go without a second thought - yes I'd miss her but I'll get over it! A great opportunity for your child.
The aunt is clearly a jealous mentalist.

2old4thislark · 24/03/2010 19:36

Aunt's being weird. Your daughter will have a fantastic time, quality time with her grandmother and cousins. She'll soon be at an age where she won't want to see grandma so much so it'll be great for both of them. I know my mum misses spending time with her grandchildren now that they are teenagers and it's just not cool.

Don't feel guilty and try to enjoy your freedom when you get it!

agasarecool · 24/03/2010 19:39

Your aunt is mad, jealous or both

Your daughter will have a fab time, she's going with her gran ffs, to visit family, see cousins etc etc

You're a great mum..... join the club lol I sent mine off age 11 and 7 with grandparents for a holiday in France

FabIsGettingThere · 24/03/2010 19:40

Well, it is a long way for her to go without her mum.

Your dd will hopefully have a great time with your mum and you will be able to talk on the phone, yes?

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 24/03/2010 19:40

I went to India for a month aged 9 with my best friend and her mum. It was Amazing. She will love it, and so will you.

DH took DS away for two weeks in Feb. He's 18mo. I loved it

For the record, neither my parents nor DH and I are bad parents.

Wallace · 24/03/2010 19:41

Did you get it the wrong way round in your OP - is it that your dd is 3 and going away for 11 weeks?

If so, YABU!

bluecardi · 24/03/2010 19:43

What's your aunts problem? Your dd will be with her family going to see family?

You'll have lots of contact & she'll have a lovely time. Bet you get some lovely pressies.

sunblushtomato · 24/03/2010 19:43

She'll love it and its more of a sacrifice for you than a selfish act. Go for it!

Original poster
valleyqueen · 24/03/2010 19:45

Lol Wallace that definitely would not be happening. I am actually really excited for her, and obviously I am not totally devestated about the fact that I will be able to do what I like for 3 whole weeks.

OP posts:
JazzieJeff · 24/03/2010 19:47

Wow, what a brilliant opportunity for your daughter to see a different culture and spend some quality time with her grandma. Of course you'll miss her, what a silly thing to say... but she's growing up and gaining independence is such an important stage. Plus this has the bonus that she's with someone you love and trust and you know exactly where she is. I've said it before, I'll say it again... all too often these days people say exactly whatever pops into their ridiulous, tiny minds and then, when a complaint is made they say something like; 'I just say it how it is'. But can they take it when it happens to them? No. Ignore your aunt, clearly this issue is nothing to do with her. Hope your DD has a great time

BattyKoda · 24/03/2010 19:47

Your Aunt is stupid.

I've had quite alot of other Mum's give me the when I've told them we won't be taking our kids on our honeymoon with us. They are staying with my Mum, and will have a whale of a time, it's just jealousy!

Merle · 24/03/2010 19:55

It's a great idea. I echo what everyone else has said.

Not sure what it is about the distance which makes the difference. Would 3 weeks in Europe be somehow more acceptable. If it was Scotland (or somewhere as far as you could get by road from where you live) so therefore long journey in terms of time, but still within the UK, would this be different?

ChippingIn · 24/03/2010 19:57

Valleyqueen - YANOTBU - your Aunt is being a bit batty!!

Your DD will have a great time & you are being fab to allow her to go and have a fab time - shock horror - without her Mummy - there are people that could learn from your healthy attitude!!

"and obviously I am not totally devestated about the fact that I will be able to do what I like for 3 whole weeks." Good on you for being able to imagine having a bit of 'please myself' time and not doing the martyred mummy routine!!

As for your Aunt - ignore, ignore, ignore...

Merle · 24/03/2010 19:57

Does your aunt know that you can take an aeroplane to America or does she think we are still in the era of big ships?

Wallace · 24/03/2010 20:01

I'm sure you and your dd will have a fantastic time

Original poster
valleyqueen · 24/03/2010 20:02

ChippingIn this is what I think about when I get a bit teary about not seeing her for 3 weeks. I can be one of those people who go to the pub after work and get a take away on the way home.

OP posts:
BarkisIsWilling · 24/03/2010 20:05

A fantastic opportunity for your daughter to spend time with her grandmum and family. The weeks will actually pass quicker than you might imagine, VQ, so kick back and enjoy your me-time.

monoid · 24/03/2010 20:08

When I was 12 I went to my grandmothers home country with her and my grandad for 4 weeks. I must admit that I did get a little homesick near the end, but I wouldn't swap that time for the world. I met relatives that I had never met before (and never seen since as none of us can afford it!)
She will love it and will be very annoyed at you if you say she couldn't go. You are doing the right thing. What's the alternative? Leaving her with someone else while you work anyway? AND you're going to spend time with her yourself. You are definitely doing the right thing - ignore your Aunt!

MeMudmagnet · 24/03/2010 20:09

Sounds like the arrangement will suit everyone.....apart from the mad Aunty.

LisaD1 · 24/03/2010 20:10

Your aunt is nuts! My DD1 is 10 now and she has been going to the states for approx 3 weeks at a time since she was 4. She goes with her dad (we split when she was 3) and stays at his parents.

What child wouldn't want to have the sun on their bones for a few weeks while spending quality time with their family?

Your DD will have a great time and you can enjoy the pub and take-aways guilt free :-)

Swipe left for the next trending thread