to think that the 6yr old little boy upstairs shouldn't be clattering around their flat untill 11pm, every night?

[Narabug]

Hi all,

Firstly, please let me say that I totally appreciate that it must be hard both raising and actually being a young child in a small, upstairs flat and I have nothing against the family upstairs.

Its just that, every night, until about 11pm, their little boy (just 6, they had a birthday party last week) runs around the flat, leaping off furniture and shouting/shrieking. It sounds like nothing more than a child playing, you can hear him running from room to room, shouting, laughing, punctuated by an occasional thud.

I've been round one night to ask if they could maybe be a little quieter (again, not to tell the kid to shut up, that wouldn't seem very kind), but they don't speak much English, their response was a polite "no, thank you", I think they thought I was doing doorstep sales.

These flats are quite soundproof, you can't usually hear anything from upstairs, apart from when their son is playing. It wouldn't bother me usually apart from it disturbs my DD (10 months) when i'm trying to settle her for bed, and surely its not good for him to be up so late, every night?

Jx

If they were playing music loudly or tap dancing you would have grounds to complain.

This is a 2 pronged problem because it's also a parenting issue, If you take the parenting out of the equation they are rude and thoughtless and need a noise abatement order, or whatever it's known as these days.

If that doesn't work you have every right to bring in their lousy parenting skills. You have as much right to a peaceful evening as anyone else. They are being v.v. unreasonable.

thats just how it is when you live in flats, you get noise from upstairs.. i dont think you should complain about it really as its up to them what time their child goes to bed.
and i cant believe someone sent a note to complain about the washing machine at 7.30am!!
if you live in flats, you need to develop a bit of tolerance for other people's noise and realise not everything can be done to suit everybody so just let people get on with it. we have alot of noise from the children upstairs too, and sometimes it does disturb my ds but i really wouldn't think of complaining to them, its not my place to do so, its quite rude to me and i know if we were upstairs and them down then they would probably get some noise from my ds running round too (although not at 11pm he does go 2 bed @ 7!) but i just think its better to tolerate, if you are quick to complain about any noise then you open yourself up for the same back if ever your child cries or makes noise. why not just overlook it and cut each other a bit of slack?

Can anyone send my dd a Noise Abatement Order? Ta muchly.

Take notice of bitoffun's post, she got it spot on, dont go jumping the gun if you dont know peoples circumstances. My ds has sn and he is like this on regular occasions, so its not necesrarily bad parenting in all instances.

And we used to live in a flat, our old hv used to say if anyone complains about his behaviour send them to her, and she would explain why.

Necessarily is that better

That still doesnt look right lol

Then you should explain to your neighbours if there are extenuating circumstances.

Its not rocket science. Try and keep noise down at unsociable hours as much as you can, explain if you can't....treat other people with a bit of kindness and respect. There will always be noise living in flats or terraced houses, that doesn't mean you should not think about how you impact on other people.

Why is that so hard to understand?

Well it isnt always down to lousy parenting, just as bof says

YANBU our neighbours' sitting room is directly behind our bedroom - in fact right through the wall behind the headboard of our bed. The whole family including a girl of about 6/7 and boy of about 12? are still watching load tv, shouting, running about (kids), screaming its bed time (mum), crying and fighting (kids) well past 11pm. Not every night but enough for it to be very tiring. Neither dh or I have the balls to actually say anything to them so they may even be oblivious to the noise they make but hey ho, we're spineless so we have to accept living with it.. I feel your pain though.

YANBU our neighbours' sitting room is directly behind our bedroom - in fact right through the wall behind the headboard of our bed. The whole family including a girl of about 6/7 and boy of about 12? are still watching load tv, shouting, running about (kids), screaming its bed time (mum), crying and fighting (kids) well past 11pm. Not every night but enough for it to be very tiring. Neither dh or I have the balls to actually say anything to them so they may even be oblivious to the noise they make but hey ho, we're spineless so we have to accept living with it.. I feel your pain though.

11pm is a perfectly OK bedtime before they start school and can nap in the daytime. However I agree it is pretty late if he goes to school. Could you have a word with your own HV just to say you are concerned that he is still up at that hour? He could have underlying problems which need unravelling - some of DS' friends who have ASD and ADHD hardly need any sleep.

I dont really like having to tell people my ds has sn, reason being its no one elses business, only people who need to know i will tell, i wouldnt broadcast it there is no need. Although my neighbour does know, not saying she understands mind you. and its really hard work btw especially at bedtime

It is their business if it makes intolerable noise for them. But if you don't care about anyone else, only thinking of yourself, you won't care about your neighbours anyway.

YANBU. And how about this link brassband - and before you respond with "and you believe everything you read do you?" I am pretty confident both the Mill Pond Sleep Clinic and the National Sleep Foundation (NSF) have invested a little more time and money into researching this topic than you have.

Actually runnybottom i personally dont have time to run around informing others. And NO i am not thinking of myself just my ds. What a silly thing to say, but i suppose if you have never been in the same situation you wouldnt realise just how hard things can be.

And didnt i already state that my neighbour knows, and actually as soon as i told her she looked down her nose at me and dont talk to me at all. Like i said i dont think she understands.

I get what you're all saying about the annoyance - I have been there too - it is awful but there is a difference between asking someone to turn their music down and asking them to change the way they bring up their children.

The family upstairs cant turn around and suddenly start putting their ds to bed at 7pm realistically and nor would they want to so are you asking them to confine his running around to one room or to ask them to sit him in front of the telly all evening?

I'm being slightly facetious but I cant see what they can do practically to stop the noise other than tell him to stop running about which presumably they do do anyway because it probably annoys the hell out of them as well.

fwiw my council has 11pm as its noise cutoff iyswim.

Dd2 has a bedtime that consists of supper/dinner at 6pm. The TV is turned off at 6pm and is not back on again untill they are bed. Bathtime is at 6:45pm. Stories and warm milk at 7:30. Upstairs to bed by 8pm with one more bedtime story and then lights out.

I stand at the top of stairs untill 9pm directing her back into her bedroom. She is usually quite untill about 9:30pm, after which she is careering around the house terrorising the cat and howling whenever she is returned to bed. This carries on untill at least 11:30pm.

She then wakes at about 7am and the careering around the house terrorising the cat begins again. Interrupted by walks in the park/stories and the occassional meal.

If anyone has any better sugestions as to how to get her to go to bed on a night I'd be very happy to listen?

I'm not talking specifically about you tiredmum, and please don't assume about me or my children. Are you seriously suggesting a person wouldn't have time in their life to say to a neighbour "I'm sorry if the noise from my house is bothering you, but there isn't a lot I can do about it". Takes about 2 seconds, nobodies life is that busy, and having special needs children does not mean you can't have some small thought for other people too.

Yeah yeah whatever, i cant be bothered to answer anymore, cos my neighbour knows, so yawn yawn. I am trotting on........

Not all about you though....

Blimey this thread exploded!

Just to clarify, I am not and will not take any complaint out against my upstairs neighbours as I appreciate that it is hard to be a little child in a small flat, I have nothing against them because of whatever their nationality might be, I was just wondering whether I was being unreasonable to find it unusual/maybe mildly irritating.

Yeah, I do worry that the little boy may be struggling if he is up late at night and may get tired in the day especially if he is at school, I'm not implying I know how much sleep he may or may not need.