Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Should I Have Said Something

43 replies

Bathsheba · 24/03/2010 16:07

Every week I go to a Women's group at my church. They run a creche for little ones and a music and craft group for preschoolers at the same time, so as to give the women a break, and so our group is essentially a child free atmosphere (except for 2 very new babies who stay with Mums).

About 2 months ago a family started coming (Mum and 3 sisters - they rarely all come on the same day so its a bit of a combination of them). 2 of the sisters have pre-school aged children but they NEVER put them in the Creche or the Preschool group - never even tried - "they won't like it" - so they stay in the large room with the women for the women's group. Now these children run around for the entire group - its a very large room so it is heaven for little ones, but they never stop them, never try and contain them and frankly they are disruptive to what should be a child free time. Today they did no attend the session.
But the Mother and one of the sisters appeared right at the end.

I was feeding my 10 week old and her pram was right beside us. Whilst we were feeding, the child (We'll call her Suzy) came right over and was pulling on the cosy toes of the pram, climbing up on the wheels - presumably in her mind to see the baby. I could hear her Mum gently saying "No Suzy..."...Suzy carried on climbing. I basically turned round and said, firmly but not loudly "Suzy No."

Suzy stopped what she was doing and went off to play. not upset, not traumatised.

I saw the Mum heading towards me and I thought she was going to come over, have a chat and apologise. What she actually did was storm over and say "If you don't mind, I'll tell her what to do and what not to do".

I replied that basically my pram wasn;t a plaything and that she needs to interveen a lot earlier. This degererated into basically an argument - her stance being that Suzy is "Only a little child" and mine being that she needed top tell Suzy what she could and couldn't do.

They then left.

I burst into tears because I really hate confrontation of any sort.

The problem is that its a lovely friendly church group, and as such no-one has said to them that really the children shouldn;t be in the main room - they have never even tried them in the creche.

I know my baby wasn't in the pram, but she had been 10 minutes earlier, and Suzy could easily have tipped the pram over clambering to see that baby. My pram isn;t a plaything or a climbing frame - NO-ONE's pram is and, like I say, the child was FINE with me saying to her No.

I'm now kicking myself that I should just have shut upinstead of causing animosity. My friend has already stopped attending this group because she can't relax and enjoy the session with their children running around.

So, WIBU to have said something

OP posts:
JustMyTwoPenceWorth · 24/03/2010 16:09

I don't think so.

Uriel · 24/03/2010 16:10

I think you were fine to say it, firmly but kindly.

[hug]

JaneS · 24/03/2010 16:11

YANBU. Obviously. The other mum would probably have been furious if dear 'Suzy' had hurt herself falling off your pram, and as you say, the baby could have been in the pram.

Can't the session leader say they've decided to make a new rule that children must be left at home or sent to the creche?

junglist1 · 24/03/2010 16:12

Never shut up in a situation like this. Why should you? You didn't shout at the child, she came over with attitude and you stuck up for yourself. YANBU

ThePinkOne · 24/03/2010 16:12

No, NU. Don't feel bad.

PixieOnaLeaf · 24/03/2010 16:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

BrahmsThirdRacket · 24/03/2010 16:14

YANBU. It's not OK to just let your children run riot. If you can't be bothered to control your children properly, don't be surprised if someone else does it for you. A pre-schooler is old enough to understand the word no.

ChickensHaveSinisterMotives · 24/03/2010 16:14

YANBU. Some people think that their little darlings are in fact the centre of the whole universe. They are not.

spybear · 24/03/2010 16:15

Is there a leader or organiser of the group that could have a word.

I agree that if you are all trying to have child free time then its not fair for someone to ignore that.

Mouseface · 24/03/2010 16:17

YANBU. Don't get upset by women like her. If "Suzy" had smashed her head in falling from your pram, she'd have launched you by the sound if it. The whole, "why didn't you tell her to get down?"

Speak to others and see what they think in the group, maybe you could put a notice on the door saying that no children of a certain age are allowed, i.e not babies, and the creche is avaiable for them for that reason?????

Bathsheba · 24/03/2010 16:17

Thank you...

I guss the leaders aren't strict on the "absolutely no children in the room" rule as sometimes its not appropriate - like I say there are 2 newborns in the room and on occassion some other children are there (when we started going my DD2 wasn't used to the creche, but I put her in every week - they just quite often brought her back through but she satquietly on my knee or, once, fell asleep on a yoga mat - it was an exercise taster session that week).

Its supposed to be a lvoely friendly welcomming group, so while there are leaders and organisers, no-one really want to clamp down on anyone....

Had Suzy been upset I'd have seen the point, but she really wasn't. She immediately left my pram alone and went off to play...

OP posts:
CaptainPicardsPineapple · 24/03/2010 16:18

I don't think you were unreasonable at all. If the kids wasn't listening to her mum and her mum wasn't upping the anti on getting her to stop then what were you supposed to do, sit there and watch while the kids climbs all over your pram? No, the Mum needs to get over herself, it's not like you upset the kid.

Hopefully you will have killed two birds with one stone and the woman you had the confrontation with won't come anymore(neither will her sis or mum) and you won't have to have the kids running around or have to try and tell them to put their kids in the creche. Sorted.

bintofbohemia · 24/03/2010 16:18

YADNBU. Rude cow.

Jamieandhismagictorch · 24/03/2010 16:18

Could the mum see your baby wasn't in the buggy ?

This is a hard one. I can definitely see your point of view, especially if you feel, that generally speaking, this lady doesn't control the DCs and is inconsiderate towards the group.

But, people rarely react well to being told off. From her POV, she could see the buggy was empty, so might have thought you were being precious, especially since she had already told her daughter No.

Having said that, she does sound like the sort of person who doesn't think anyone should speak to her child.

I'm on the fence really.

As you say, it's really up to the leaders to establish ground rules. Possibly they don't want to alienate these women because they need the support the group offers. Perhaps they know something about the family you don't,

Bathsheba · 24/03/2010 16:19

Hi capt Picard...I'm hoping that will happen - the group is off for the next 2 weeks and I'm hoping they'll forget to come back, or be so angry at me that they won'#t come back.

I suspect if more people had heard the argument I might have got a few cheers..!

OP posts:
Shaz10 · 24/03/2010 16:19

Your property, she'd already been told once by her mum. You were just reinforcing what mum had said. Well done for sticking up for yourself, especially as confrontation is hard for you. Have a biscuit

LoveBeingAMummy · 24/03/2010 16:23

You've got nothing to feel bad about. The child should not have been climbing on your pram, the mum sis just mad that her dd didn't listent o her and did listen to you

hobnobsaremyfavourite · 24/03/2010 16:25

YANBU

Jamieandhismagictorch · 24/03/2010 16:25

My friend once said, quite mildly, to a 2 year old - "Don't Hit", when she walloped her baby on the head.

The other child's mother then:

a) didn't apologise for the baby being hurt

b) said - "she's only 2, she doesn't understand"

IME, people who excuse their DCs behaviour in this way don't tend to have a good grasp of what discipline is.

paisleyleaf · 24/03/2010 16:26

yanbu
What were you supposed to do? Sit and watch her climb all over the buggy without saying anything at all?

Shame though, it sounds like the club could be losing some nice members with the children running around all the time.

Jamieandhismagictorch · 24/03/2010 16:27

Good pint LoveBeing - people do get v embarrassed in that situation, as it points out when they are being ineffectual

< jumps off the fence and into YANBU >

Kathyjelly · 24/03/2010 16:34

YANBU. You didn't scream at her or threaten her and her mum had every opportunity to intervene first.

I wouldn't worry about it. I would ask that the group leader underlines the toddlerfree nature of the session though.

Bathsheba · 24/03/2010 16:34

Hi JAmie

I guess there is a chance that the leaders know more than we do and they are there for a reason - in that case I'd feel sorry for them that they couldn't come any more but in the same way, I think often Church groups are taken for a rie completely as they get filled by peope who "need the group" rather than people attending for fun and every group, no matter what it started out as, becomes a support group for the community.

OP posts:
LoveBeingAMummy · 24/03/2010 16:35

Get me changing someones view

Jamieandhismagictorch · 24/03/2010 16:36

I'm not too proud to admit it ......

Swipe left for the next trending thread