Am I being unreasonable?

[leya]

I am fed up with Dh butting in!! It doesnt matter where we are, or who we are talking too, I can never get a word in edge way's. If I stop to talk to an old school friend, or someone I have not seen for a while, he takes over the conversation.
In the supermarket, on the high street, even at dd parent's evening! In the end I left the meeting having not said ton's of thing's I needed to! I have told him about how I feel, but he just laugh's! He has even made an example of me in front of my friends. I tryed to speak once & even said to him in front of my friend 'hang on a min, can I speak'? To which he embaressed me by saying 'Oooo, dont get ratty, oh hold, on she need's to say her bit'. I fealt very hurt & upset. What do I do?

you should seriously think about the future.....he'll be treating the dc this way too one day

in fact i'd say it sounds like domestic abuse and you should leave....there,said it,wonder if anyone else was thinking that too?? or just me?

been there myself you see

There are quite a few that sound familiar in that list, but we do not have a violent relationship, but we do have a very abusive relationship. I do resent him already, but it's not just him, when we lived near his parents, they were always criticising my friends. So he is always quick to remind me that it was not just his opinion that my friend was a gossip or two faced, but it was also his dm's opinion too. I cant win!

Leya, I would suggest starting some voluntary work when DD is at play group. it is a good way to make friends, gives you a sense of independence, and could lead into a career later on when your DD is older if you decided that is what you wanted.

I'm sure you know that his parents agreeing with him is not exactly objective proof that your friends are bad. Is there any chance of you getting a job?

Does he insult you? Does he ever block your way out of the room, hit the wall when he is angry or push you?

How would you feel to see your DD in a relationship just like this one?

Leya, what county are you in? Can you come to one of the mumsnet get togethers. You can name change so you aren't linked to your thread if you don't want to be and you're bound to meet loads of new people.

Leya, as others have said your problems run deeper than your H talking over you. He seems to see you as 'his', and therefore he doesn't need to show you respect. Pardon my french, but fuck that

i'm wondering how he would react to a mumsnet meet up/volutary job/etc which everyone is recommending??

bit out of his control if you go and he cant but in....so how would he control this i wonder?

I agree his parents agreeing with his view doesn't necessarily make it right - but also don't forget that it's likely he's learned this behaviour from them, so really their opinion means nothing.

Very often what his parents say, is the wrong thing, but I cant say 'I told you so'. If I were to try & meet up with people, voluntry work, go to the gym etc, he would be ok at first, but then he would start to find fault's. I tryed to go to a friends house for a drink on more than one occasion, & he said I was an un fit mother because dd, was upset with me going out, I tryed to console her & tell her I would be back soon, & I also aked him to help but he said NO! I did go in the end, but I knew about it the next day, because we had a massive row & he ended up not speaking to me. He also threatens me with his parents. He has used his dm in the past to get me do back down on something, or to get his own way.

leya....its only me saying it,but really,i'd consider contacting womens aid (abuse isnt just violence)

you cant go on like this can you?

Worst of it is, i've just done a pregnancy test & it's positive. He'll do the usuall & say thing' are going to be different & the rowing's going to stop, which it does for a while, but then we'll be staight back to square one! Thanks for all your help ladies, I really do appreciate it. xx

threeblondebys is right, abuse is not just violence and i agree from what you've said he is abusing you, undermining your self confidence and making you feel worthless. Please contact someone like womens aid, just for an initial chat. If you can't do it for yourself, then do it for your daughter. please keep strong and don't doubt yourself. you have the right to live your life, have a job, have your own friends and not be afraid to talk to anyone because of the consequences. this behaviour needs to change.

congratulations, maybe look at this as the catalyst to make things change for good. i hope someone here can come up with ways to help him deal with his behaviour.

He is a manipulator. His behaviour is fully about getting you to feel guilty about having your own interests rather than what is actually right for you and your DD. It sounds like he is also manipulating her against you with what you say about the time you tried to go out but DD was crying.

Leya I know its difficult, and it's so easy for me to say it but I totally WOULD NOT STAND for a partner treating me like that. No way. My ex didn't like my father but he was happy for me to stay in contact as long as it wasnt thrust in his face. I don't know how you cope without using kitchen utensils to beat him to a pulp.

Poor you, I bet he has some other really lovely qualities etc. but I couldn't cope from the sounds of what you are saying.

Bless your DS though for saying Daddy needs to be the centre of attention, its lovely he sees it from your point of view.

I'd totally get this sorted now.
Easier said than done I know sweetheart.

Good Luck.

I'm sorry, i'm relativly new to posting on here, when I said ds, I meant my sister say's he want's to be the centre of attention not my son. Thanks again everyone. xx

Oh well, your sister is right anyway!!!

He is controlling
You are not allowed to have contact with your family
you talk of him making an example of you

This sounds rather disturbing, to be honest.

Can you see yourself saying - when he does it - "Hey, Mr Rude. I was talking" or "Excuse me, don't interrupt, it's rude" If you feel you would be afraid to challenge him directly, in front of people, then you need to look at why and what you feel might happen.

And if he laughs at you, then say "Yes, I am ratty. I was speaking and I would expect you to let me finish."

Because it's like he feels you are not worth listening to. You don't matter so what you want to say doesn't matter.

Right, call someone/professional help to assist you in accpeting your husband is very very controlling, he sounds like your Dad not your DH. I guess it's only a few years away before he'll have you completely cut off.

What do you love/like about him?

He used to make me laugh, but doesnt anymore, we used to go out together, but mum in law wont babysit because she say's, 'well I never used to go out, so why should you'? Dh wont allow anyone else to babysit, so we dont go out now. He used to suprise me & be spontanious but now he just goes to work. I try and cook us a meal when dd is in bed, but he just takes it in to the living room & watch's tv. I ask him to sit at the table with me, but he say's 'NO'!

I am sorry, but your mum in law is being a completely selfish idiot. Maybe she would like to think about giving her son and you what she never had so she could feel good about herself AND spend some quality alone time with her grandchild. Sheesh HOW DO YOU COPE with him and his family.

I'd take your dear child, and scuttle off to your parents house pronto when he is out. Seriously. There is nothing wrong with admitting to your parents your husband is an arsehole. I bet they'd LOVE to see you. And their grandchild.

Your mil sounds like a complete bitch. Sounds as if your parents could see what you cannot, go and see them.

I'd love to, but he's told me if I do, after they told me to choose, he would def divorce me & put our house in to his mother's name so that I would have nothing. The mortgage is already soley in his name. So I would have nothing. I dont work, so I would be left to struggle on the benefit system. I am told that benefite for single parent's is rubbish. Does anyone know anything about the benefit's system?

At the moment dh supports us, on his salary. He has a salary of £27,000 plus bonuses a year, so it would be extremly difficult to adjust after this. I'm sure i'd get used to it, but i'm sure it would be hard.

If you're in the UK then I'm not sure that he can divorce you and leave you with nothing, esp if you've got a child and another on the way. Sure, he'll say that to bully you but hopefully someone here can tell you about the legalities.