what do your dh do on their days off work?

[issysmilkbottle]

ok... Dh works shifts and so not the usual mon-fri, 9-5. His days off can be mid week or weekends plus he takes the occasional groups of days off....

I have a 10 year old ds who lives with us, a 14 year old dsd who doesnt live with us and we have a 17 week old dd.

I am currently on maternity leave from my phd, but start back 1st april, full time but can do some work at home so we've agreed to split dds care around dhs shifts so i will do my time in odd chunks. We are also trying to move house next week...

My question is, what do your dh's do on their days off work? My dh seems to think its his right to stay in bed until lunchtime or near then, watch tv, perhaps hoover 1 room, have a little play with dd and then go for a walk (ie. To town/pub) at about 3 or 4 and come back around half six- half eight.... This is his usual pattern even this week when we need to sort stuff to move! If i say anything iabu and nagging,.... What do you think? Aibu? What do your dhs do?

I don't have children but I'm doing a PhD too, and DP, though he is lovely, does sometimes seem to forget that it's 'real' work. Might that be what's happening here?

My DP can be lovely but when I was racing to get a chapter done over Christmas it did annoy the heck out of me that he spent days playing the kind of computer games where you talk to other people (loudly) in the room where I was working. Because I don't clock on and clock off, he forgets that I'm actually working longer hours than him.

I think your DH is being a bit lazy tba.

DH has weekends off. I work on Saturday afternoons. He seems to think it is acceptable to do nothing all morning and afternoon untill I get in from work, then immediately become aggressive when I want to eat my lunch/have a cuppa because we need to clean up.

I frequently get told to 'fuck off' or that I am 'a lazy fucking cow' if I don't want to leave my lunch to come and inspect a bottle the dog has chewed/a blocked drain/a mess the dds have made.

I am waiting untill dd1 is happier and mores ettled then we are leaving him.

shinyandnew for you.

Will your dd1 be happier and settled with someone like that around. Maybe she would be happier if you went now.

Good luck

At least yours has days off mine won't take days off! He's a workaholic farmer and the best part is we have 3 kids aged 4, 2 and 3 months.

Still, if he did have a day off (actually he does take Christmas Day and Boxing Day, so 2 out of 365 isn't so bad....) I'd be pretty pissed off if he did what yours did. I'm sure once he's alone with baby while you're at university his routine will change pretty fast!

ShinyAndNew that sounds shit, sympathies.

If DP takes a day off it's usually for a reason i.e a day trip or similar. If he gets a day off that we have no plans for i.e a bank holiday he will play golf.

She has an appointment with CAHMS next month. If he is the root of or contributing to her unhappiness we are leaving that very day.

When dp has his 2 days off work we have one day out as a family and then the next he takes DS1 fishing with him.

When he has his long weekend of (thurs,fri,sat,sun)
We have one day lounging around, Friday night i go out, Saturday he goes fishing and Sunday is family day out.

oh shinyandnew, i do hope you and your dd have some happiness soon... My dh occasionally does that, if he gets the urge to clean we all have to jump!

DP like to "rest" at the weekend!!!!!

ha ha ha

At weekends, my DH is up by nine, he will play with dcs. We take it in turns for a lie in.

We'll all go out for a family walk somewhere.He'll make lunch then either watch grand prix, or do something in the garage, wash a car .

He'll often make dinner too but does no house work, apart from occasional washing up.

However, from march onwards, his weekends are often taken up by going away in the motorhome and racing sidecar motocross. We used to come too, which was quite fun, but this weekend I'm on my own, as there's no way dd (13 months) will enjoy it and it would be knackering for me keeping her safe and entertained.

So, he's not to bad but definitely not perfect

My DH is generally really good to be honest. He is working full time, and doing a degree at the moment. We have dc #5 due in 8 weeks as well! He will help with anything and everything (he is crap at cooking though bles shim!! but will have a go at least!) He will think nothing of shoving me out the door/in the bath and hogging all 4 kids to himself for a bit and giving me some space. He uses his initiative for the silliest of things I know half of blokes wouldn't, goes round picking up washing, emptying bins etc, runs a cloth round the taps and sinks etc. He also likes going out mountain biking when he gets 5 minutes and goes to the gym occasionally. I have a job keeping up with him sometimes!!! He is fab with the kids too...much better than me!

but....sometimes....only sometimes...It's like he has a mini meltdown bless him, and he won't do A THING!! Only lasts a couple of days though. I think he does just get tired bless him.

I have sympathy for all women out there who get no help from their partners at all! And I think single parents are something else! How on earth they do everything on their own is beyond me! I do know that I am very lucky and I do appreciate all DH does for me and the kids.

Aw, Angel, your DH sounds lovely!

My dh is a teacher and consequently has the same holidays as dd. I would estimate that he spends 50% of his free time planning and marking. This year when school breaks up, he is going to Thailand with his friend to dive. Me and dd will be packing the flat up ready to move. On a normal weekend, he does his work on Saturdays and on Sundays takes dd to church then watches the telly.

my dp has sat and sun off... sat he gets up between 5.30-7 with 12 month old dd (not his bio child) makes her breakfast etc, potters about washing up etc, sorts ds when he gets up (he has aspergers) then ferries us about for the day getting everything done (im 19 weeks pg, just starting to struggle shopping etc)

during the week he is up at 4.30am and gets back at 6 after visiting his mum

i'm pretty lucky

Gosh my DH is lovely. Maybe I need to be nicer to him .
He has Saturday and Sunday off and usually he will get up with the DC and give them breakfast then we are all together both days. Weekends are really important to us as a family and we just do whatever we need to do, but generally we would all 4 be together.

Bloody nothing - he sees his days off (weekend) as a 'day off' from everything. If I ask him to do something I am nagging, so I just get on with it because its easier.

Actually he does the garden - thats it.

Shiny - I hope you find happiness soon

DH doesn't do any real house stuff when not working (apart from empty dishwasher, stuff like that). But as I don't work and have it pretty easy at the moment I don't really expect him to.

He does however spend a lot of time with DS when not at work. So he does bedtimes if he is in on time, they hang out on Friday nights. Go do boy stuff on weekends if I don't feel like it, wrestle, play on computer/xbox etc. Is very hands on dad because he isn't around as much as he would like so makes up for it when he is.

Works for us.

Poor you Shiny

My Dh does the same as he does on a working day...nothing.

He thinks as I only work part time (9-3, 5 days a week and doing a college course)
I don't get as tired as him even though I end up cooking, doing housework, washing, and sort the kids out until about 10-11 at night while he generally sit's down watching tv.

Rant over.

On dh's day off he takes care of ds, does the shopping, helps with the washing, takes ds football and swimming, helps with the meals, does diy and we go out as a family.

I do feel guilty because dh tends to take over at the weekend and I feel like I don't really have to do much when he is around which is great for me but it means he never gets a break. In the week he is off to work at the crack of dawn and doesn't get home until late.

my OH is a postman, so he's up at 5am for 5 days of the week.
when he has a day off, he gets up at half 8 and makes my breakfast.
then he gets washed/dressed and cleans out the cat's tray, then usually washes pots, sorts out washing, hoovers, then comes to me at the shop to make my lunch and a cup of tea, runs errands (like going to the post office or taking books to schools) then goes into church to practise on the organ for a couple of hours and visits his mum.
(sometimes he has services to play for on his days off)

his "ongoing tasks" are a bit of gardening (weeding and mowing lawns) and putting up shelves. understandably he never gets time for the shelves.

he's rather wonderful really.
(we don't have kids though)

YANBU. you're still working full-time as a mum! my DH spends all the day off with us, we do housework, play all together, wander into town etc.

we are going to try and take a bit of time for ourselves more often though - we're going to take it in turns to go out for a walk (me) or a run (him - he's training).

shineyandnew that is terrible I hope you can find your way out soon

As for my DH - he also works shifts and does a lot. When he is off in the mornings he gets up with the kids 9 times out of 10, gets them fed, dressed, plays and keeps them away from me, so I get a monster lie in

He doesn't really ever say he needs or wants to go off away, he is happy being with the children. So often I will go and do housework while he keeps them entertained. I see this as a break

On the downside he is naturally v untidy, and doesn't twig about housework. So if I want him to do stuff I need to tell him, give him a list etc. He's happy to do it though.