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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To just want to rant?

31 replies

Indith · 23/03/2010 15:23

My uncle is a lovely man but he seems to have no clue when it comes to money and priorities and organisation. He has a new wife and I do wish them well as his ex was an interesting character but she is very, very young and is now pg and being all idealisitic about studying from home etc with the baby (her plan when they married was to study before they had babies but they seem to have changed their minds). What the lady wants the lady gets but bless them they don't have a clue about cleaning etc. My parents recently stayed with them for a while to help out when my gran was ill and the place was filthy. They had no clue about how to clean the kitchen worktops, the cooker hood was dripping grease as the filter had never been changed and he was going to rip out the loo and get a new one as it was all black inside and he didn't know how to clean it.

Ok so that isn't directly related to the trigger for my rant but it just shows the attitude that things will work out, they just swan around in a floaty cloud. The ds from his first marriage lives primarily with them so not as though it is a lack of children that allows them to live like this.

Uncle runs his own business and the economic climate has not been kind so he is after hand me downs for the baby. Fair enough we think. Our cot and stage 0 carseat are offered. I'm not all that happy because a lot of stuff that was passed down for the first child was then given away or lost or damaged (this was before I had dcs so was old things from when I was a baby so a shame that they have not been able to be handed down to us) and there are toys that I used to play with as a child that have been scribbled on with pen etc and generally not looked after. Still, family need stuff so ok, I will pass it on onthe understanding that it is a loan and I expect things back in good condition.

Now we find out next month uncle and wife are planning a holiday including a visit to London, another to some of her friends etc. So they can't afford a bloody basic Ikea cot (which is what our old one is) but they can afford a holiday overseas (they don't live in the UK). So my parents are dragging the cot etc all they was to them in the car when they go over to see family shortly because they can't afford stuff for their baby yet they can go off floating about the place.

I know it is partly her age, she is young, she wants to go see friends etc but hell that is the choice you make when having dcs, she chose to marry the guy and has chosen to have a baby with him, sorry honey but that means your income has to go elsewhere. I'm not saying having a child means an end to romantic breaks etc but I am saying you should bloody well be putting other things above that!

Sorry, I'm just angry.

OP posts:
SPBInDisguise · 23/03/2010 15:28

have they made it clear they are expecting hand me downs?
Doesn't your DD still sleep in her cot?
And have I read it right that they have a ds (his) and yet don't clean the toilet??

SPBInDisguise · 23/03/2010 15:28

although please never look at my cooker hood

SPBInDisguise · 23/03/2010 15:29

that wasn't a [ envy] btw, more a [vomit]

Indith · 23/03/2010 15:36

I got the vomit part but yes, not a clue either of them. I do understand that it will take time for her to learn as she had never had to run a household before and I know my cleaning skills etc are a lot better now than when ds was born but still cleaning a loo is pretty basic!

The phone call from mum asking us for stuff was pretty clear! Plus they didn't want anybody to know, I was only allowed because they needed to ask for the stuff but they didn't want dh or my dad to know

Dd has another cot as we splurged the surestart grant on a co-sleeper so it is spare but still, grrr!

OP posts:
diddl · 23/03/2010 15:39

Don´t give them anything if you don´t want to.
And if people stop doing things for them, they´ll have to learn to do it themselves, won´t they?

SPBInDisguise · 23/03/2010 15:42

won't your dh notice when things start going missing?! And you might want a 3rd for all they know - or would they expect your parents to lug it all back across when they're done with it??
yanbu, sounds like their priorities are screwed up

MorrisZapp · 23/03/2010 15:42

Why is this your problem. I don't get it.

Indith · 23/03/2010 15:51

My problem because it is my baby stuff being dragged from NE England to SE France!

SPB that is what we pointed out, they said to tell dh that we didn't have room for the cot so it was going to go and be stored at my gran's house. Yes because he would really fall for that! It would make so much sense to take the cot from our loft where it was being easily stored and take it to France Obviously he has been told.

Problem is my mother cannot say no to her brother and my gran is just so happy to have a new DIL and that she is pg. It is her 90th next month so not really willing to start a family war just in time for us all getting together to celebrate!

Course I do want a 3rd which does rather beg the question of what happens if I have one before theirs grown out of the carseat. Mind you doubt uncle would see a problem with that as when he had to give me a lift with dd he turned up with all the family in tow and no space for her carseat then didn't see the problem. He was NOT impressed when I made him do 2 trips. If I didn't give him a carseat I'd worry about him using one at all.

OP posts:
MorrisZapp · 23/03/2010 15:53

Sorry, why have you given away stuff you don't want to give away?

Your uncle has every right to ask. You don't have to say yes.

diddl · 23/03/2010 15:54

Can´t you say you´ve already got rid of stuff?

Your Uncle lives abroad?

Indith · 23/03/2010 15:55

because I'm a sap?

OP posts:
Indith · 23/03/2010 15:57

Yes abroad

I so need to learn to lie. I'm just useless aren't I

OP posts:
SPBInDisguise · 23/03/2010 15:57

well even if you do want another in, say 3 years, so might they in which case one of you will have to go out & buy new stuff

Indith · 23/03/2010 16:01

I think I will have to make sure it all comes back the instant they are done with it even if I don't need it at the time.

OP posts:
MillyR · 23/03/2010 16:02

If you are planning to have another child then you should not give your belongings away.

The rest of it is totally irrelevant and not really your business. But then I have two children in a dirty house, and I have not had a filter on my cooker hood since 2001. I expect the kids will be in therapy over it in years to come.

SPBInDisguise · 23/03/2010 16:02

yes good plan
and erm...i'll get that stuff back you lent me asap!!

diddl · 23/03/2010 16:04

Depending on how they are thinking of transporting stuff, they might be better off looking on ebay.

TBH, it´s the secrecy stuff that would p!ss me off the most.

ConnieComplaint · 23/03/2010 16:09

How bizarre that anyone would even ask someone in a different country for a lend of stuff

Indith · 23/03/2010 16:18

I know Milly. If it helps I don't even have a cooker hood. It was just that it is dripping, dripping!

SPB you live down the road, should be quite easy to ask for things back if I need them!

The secrecy stuff is very odd I know. We are all going to be together for the 90th party next month and we will not be allowed to talk about it as my sister doesn't know and also they don't want the ds to know which I think is likely to get very upsetting for him when he finds out that everyone else knew, he is 9 so not like keeping it from a 2 year old!

OP posts:
Indith · 23/03/2010 16:19

Oh it is being transported by my parents who are driving down anyway next month which of course makes it so easy Pretty much filled their boot with the seats down!

OP posts:
Bramshott · 23/03/2010 16:39

I think TBH I would be concocting a reason why they can no longer have the stuff that you offered.

diddl · 23/03/2010 16:47

Who offered your stuff, OP?

Indith · 23/03/2010 16:51

Probably my mother diddl and it transpires I am just as bad at saying NO as she is.

Bramshott I would love to think of something good!

OP posts:
SPBInDisguise · 23/03/2010 16:51

what they don't know she's pg
thought you meant that you'd offered stuff - didn't see why that weas a big deal

SPBInDisguise · 23/03/2010 16:52

you could always pat your tummy kmnowingly then afterwards say it wasa just too much cake

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