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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to ask someone else to host DD's party

37 replies

sevenkeystomysoul · 23/03/2010 11:38

DD's 3rd birthday is in the summer and I don't have a garden. I can't afford to hire somewhere and am considering asking my BF if we can have the party at her house, more specifically, in her vey big garden. She has 3 DCs, and there's always kids and people in and out of her house. Obviously, I would provide all food and clearing up, and the people invited would all be her friends and their DCs too, so nobody she doesn't know. I know BF loves a party, so this doesn't seem an unreasonable request, but would like others' opinions.

OP posts:

mazzystartled · 23/03/2010 11:39

If someone asked me I would be happy to host it. I love having parties.

Nessarose · 23/03/2010 11:39

Have you a park nearby? might be another way

Buzzybb · 23/03/2010 11:40

Just ask she might really enjoy it and get you to clean her whole hse so beware

Nessarose · 23/03/2010 11:40

sorry posted to fast I would not mind if you asked me.

stealthsquiggle · 23/03/2010 11:42

I wouldn't mind - but I would ask her in person rather than over the 'phone IIWY so that you can gauge reaction - also you will need a contingency plan for rain.

kreecherlivesupstairs · 23/03/2010 11:44

I wouldn't mind either, you could have it at ours but we don't have a garden and you'd only get about 6 children on our balcony if they breathed in.

electra · 23/03/2010 11:46

I think it depends how close you are - only you know what her reaction is likely to be.

Spidermama · 23/03/2010 11:51

Hmm. I think it's a bit cheeky to ask to be honest. If she offered it would be different.

Perhaps you could talk to her about your party planning and mention you might do it in the park as you don't have a garden. If she offers, great! If not, make other arrangements.

runnybottom · 23/03/2010 11:55

My BF is doing the very same for me for my boys birthdays in august. I asked her but she said she had already thought of it and would have offerred.
i would have thought if you are good friends you have a good idea of what she will say.

GooseyLoosey · 23/03/2010 12:00

I would agree if you asked, but I think I would feel I had no choice and would probably not be that pleased. I find the thought of 20 children coming in to use the loo quite unpleasant.

However, I realise that this would not be the attitude of many so you need to ask yourself honestly how you think she is likely to react and whether you have any doubts.

jeee · 23/03/2010 12:02

I'm with GooseyLoosey. I wouldn't ask her - but if you do I think you need to ask her in such a way that she really can say no, because otherwise she could end up resenting you, which could spoil your friendship. And once someone close to you asks something like this, it can be very difficult to say no.

andlipsticktoo · 23/03/2010 12:12

I wouldn't mind if it was sunny. But with our summers it's not that likely. Then all of a sudden you have lots of children and grown ups in the house, which tbh I find incredibly quite stressful. So although I'd always want to help a friend out, I would rather not be put in the position where I felt obliged.

I have always had ds3 parties in the local park, and they always work out really well.

MummyAnnabella · 23/03/2010 12:17

i would think it cheeky if you asked me. up to her to offer. it will inevitably mean work for her no matter how much you take on. i would organise a teddy bear picnic to the park.

Original poster

sevenkeystomysoul · 23/03/2010 13:06

Thanks for all your replies. I know BF wouldn't mind at all, but I guess there's a little part of me reluctant to ask for help in any way, even from a life-long friend. Actually, I was thinking about a bithday picnic in the local park, but just wasn't sure about logistics, a big blanket, lots of food and a few bottles of wine for the adults I suppose! Does it seem cheap though, inviting people to the park for a party? I don't know, I'm really confused now...

OP posts:

jeee · 23/03/2010 13:08

Definitely not cheap - lovely, I'd think. And you can always put a bad weather clause in the invite - you'll text if it looks like rain.

Smithagain · 23/03/2010 13:11

DD2 went to a party in a park yesterday after school. The host child's whole family have had a tummy bug during the last week and they wisely decided not to invite lots of small people into their house! So we all went to the park, they had a treasure hunt for lollies, played on the swings, played pass the parcel on a picnic rug and had a load of party food. Then ran around like loons until going home time.

Seemed like a nice, relaxed way to do a party to me, and all the children were happy that it was a "proper" party.

The only thing to watch out for is other random children joining in! There was a certain amount of intermingling with the regular park-after-school crowd, but they all knew each other anyway so it didn't seem to matter.

Original poster

sevenkeystomysoul · 23/03/2010 13:34

That does sound like a perfectly lovely party, but as DDs birthday is at the beginning of June, I'm worried about the weather. I do have another option, which I'm reluctant to explore, but which is looking like the best one now and that's to have it at DD's dad's house. He has a garden, and it's local, and I wouldn't have any qualms about asking him, he's her dad after all. Only thing is, my friends don't like him much (nor do I for that matter) and he would enjoy the fact that I was 'beholden' to him, even though it would be for DD. Also, his DS, who is quite a bit older than DD would want (reasonably enough, I guess) to invite all his mates. He did that at DD's party last year (in my house, a different one, with a garden) which made it very expensive (extra food, party bags etc) and a bit of a pain in the arse, tbh, trying to accommodate two-year olds and ten-year-olds at the same party. Didn't matter so much when DD was two, as she was just delighted to have a houseful of people and presents, but I think at three, she'll want her 'own' party, iyswim.

OP posts:

thedollshouse · 23/03/2010 13:38

I think it is cheeky. If someone asked me I would say yes because I wouldn't want to say no but I wouldn't be happy about it.

I would say that the park is a better idea. You will have to cancel if the weather is bad but then you wouldn't be able to have it in your friends garden if the weather is bad.

blowninonabreeze · 23/03/2010 13:45

Have you looked into hiring anywhere?

We live in a tiny village and our village hall costs £3.50 an hour to hire so it might not be as expensive as you fear?

Scout huts are also often fairly reasonable and sometimes have out door space.

Sounds cheaper than the extra expense of 10 year olds? (although wouldn't your DD want her brother at the party anyway?)

Original poster

sevenkeystomysoul · 23/03/2010 13:54

Nowhere round here is affordable, not for me, anyway, and not with the added expense of providing food etc. Of course, DD's brother will be at her party, wherever it is, I just don't want it completely overtaken by his friends. I did set a limit on the number of friends he could invite to DD's party last year, but he kept asking for more to come and in the end I think practically his whole class were there.

OP posts:

blowninonabreeze · 23/03/2010 13:57

Should have added BTW that if a friend asked this of me, I wouldn't hesitate in saying yes.

Hope you sort something out

seeker · 23/03/2010 13:58

I would love to do this for a friend - can't imagine why anyone would object.

dizzydixies · 23/03/2010 14:01

what about a church hall, they're normally not expensive and ours has a wee garden out the back too if its nice?

Undercovamutha · 23/03/2010 14:05

If I were you, I would probably just hint very strongly to your BF, and then if she ignores you then you know she'd rather not.

BTW may be worth looking into local community centre. Ours rents out for just £10.

Fel1x · 23/03/2010 14:05

I'd be more than happy to if a friend asked me

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