by declining a party invitation on the due date?

[renegadesoundwave]

Not sure if I'm being PFB about this one - I don't think I'm BU but you never know!

DH and his brother share a birthday; SIL wanted to organise a joint surprise party for both of them a couple of weeks beforehand (it isn't a 'significant' birthday for either of them, just a nice idea). Unfortunately this is the same date as I'm due to give birth to DC1. I know most first-borns are late and in fact MW has suggested DC1 may be early, but all in all I'd rather not go.

DH isn't keen on the idea either as he wants to be there for the birth rather than at a party with BIL's mates. We sort of assumed we'd been invited out of courtesy since SIL is perfectly aware of the due date (and they already have DCs of their own), so thanked SIL for invitation and said we wouldn't be going since party is on the due date.

Now SIL has 'helpfully' suggested we should have a party near the hospital 'just in case renegade needs to make a quick exit'. BIL's mates are now up in arms because it's further for them to travel. I still don't want to go - not relishing either being massive in front of strangers, going out five minutes after giving birth or having to politely excuse myself and remove discreetly to the hospital when labour starts.

SIL is a bit miffed that we're not going 'since it's in DH's honour as well and it would be so nice for her own DH to have a joint party'. AIBU to decline the invitation, or should I just 'suck it up' and say we're going anyway? (DH thinks SIL has gone mad, but maybe we're both being precious about it..)

Why this year would be my question to her, do a joint party on a year where you're not due, she sounds interesting..

If neither of you want to go, don't go. You have the perfect excuse

She's being a bit mad.

You are not being precious. Your SIL is clearly barking.
Of course you are not going to want to go partying at 40 weeks pg! I could barely move at 40 weeks, I couldn't stand, sit or lie down for prolonged periods then - I made it to the Christmas Day service at my Church at 40+2 but I was very uncomfortable (plus having contractions!).

could there be more to it, like its a baby shower really or something?

either way on your due date is totally mad and she is BU to make a fuss

YANBU. SIL is.

YANBU, I wouldn't want to go either. You're the one who's due to be pushing a human being out of their fanjo that day - you choose where you're most comfortable! They can have a joint party another year... especially as your DH isn't fussed about going!

Just say that you're due that day and want to stay home and relax, I can't imagine anything more stressful than being due to give birth and at a party!

YANBU and your SIL sounds a bit mad tbh esp if she has children of her own as she knows how it feels to be that heavily pregnant or to have just given birth if you are early. No way would I have entertained the idea of going. If your DH isn't bothered about a party anyway then why on earth is she bothering? Reckon there is prob more to this than meets the eye - is SIL ususally so insensitive?

My sister's first born is having his first birthday party when I am 39+5.
I would love to go, but know realistically, we are not.
She knows the score and that I probably won't make it, mainly as she in 1 hr45 mins away.
YANBU

YANBU, if you don't want to go, don't go. I'm sure they'll have a fine party without you there. I don't think you're being PFB, even though I confess with my first we went out to dinner followed by dancing and drinks on my due date, on purpose, to celebrate It was nice to get glammed up - you don't get a whole lot of chance to do that after the birth!

Get DH to say 'it's not a joint party because I don't want to have it, I will be busy looking after my pregnant wife and/or newborn baby'. Simples.

YABU

To even entertain this pish.

You aren't going, end of.

Just say no - either you will be heavily pregnant and very uncomfortable, or you will have a newborn. Either way, I am sure a party is the last thing you'll feel like!

Is she trying to save some money with a joint party, perchance?

Just reread the bit about the party being a couple of weeks before their birthday! She's gone out of her way to make it difficult for you, hasn't she?

Does she not like you very much?

It's not going to be much of a surprise party for your dh now though is it??... he obviously knows about it!!!

Hey, you should both say you are going - and then the surprise will be that neither of you turn up.

Course you shouldn't go if you don't fancy it, tell SIL she is bonkers. But all the best people are. Etc...

I had DS2 on Thursday evening, then went to a friend's 40th on the Saturday and danced - but then I was desperate to go to the party.

If I hadn't been, I would sadly have felt unwell - you have the perfect excuse. Your DH needs to stand up to SIL and tell her that she can't possibly put out all BIL's mates for you two - especially since you might not be there/be there for two minutes/be taken away in an ambulance....

Wouldn't be much of a party for DH if your LO hasn't arrived by then, I'm sure that he'd fancy a few beers and obviously he will have to be sober if you are still pg. Even if you are not, it's no fun trying to be sociable if you have a baby a few days old and are knackered, even more so if you choose to BF and are still getting the hang of it.

tell her to organise a party for bil. you and dh might come depending on how you feel/ circs at the time.

no drama.

I think your SIL is being unreasonable but saying that a good friend of mine went to a wedding on her due date and had a great time.

She sounds a bit dotty TBH - never mind PFB, more like Precious About My Oh-So-Wonderful Idea!

If I were in that situation, I would say to make it a surprise party for her dh, and you two will attend if you feel up to it. You won't attend separately.

Maybe do a nice big joint bash together next year. It's just not feasible this year.

We were invited to friends' wedding around my due date with dc1. Accepted, but warned we might not be able to attend. We didn't, as I was grunting away in hospital while they were I-do-ing in church!

A couple of years later, dh's work Xmas do was to be a rather nice-sounding party on a riverboat - but it was scheduled for when I would be 39+something. We went, bringing the labour bag with us! I thought it would be quite amusing to have to be evacuated if I went into labour. I didn't, but felt like quite a queen that evening. People make a fuss of you during your first pregnacy, but don't even notice subsequent ones, so it was nice to be fussed over at the party.

Your SIL is barking & selfish. Do't think I need to add any more

I say - don't stress - the most important thing right now is you and your baby's health. If you don't want to go - i think it's perfectly reasonable for you not to.
Just thank them and say "maybe next year".

Sounds odd to be arranged on your Due date, when the birthday is actually 2 weeks away...

having said that, if your LO IS 2 weeks late, all 3 might share a birthday... now that would be a celebration!

I'd have gone to the party tho. I went out to dinner on my due date because I was so peeved at not being in labour... in fact tell a lie it was just after my due date... When I told the waitress se asked me if I should be out and about... LOL With DD I had DS to contend with and was up to all sorts, even with my belly belt for painful hips!

Your SiL is loopy. Practise saying "Thank you, but no." Many times by the sounds of it. You really don't need this do you?

Don't keep saying no.

It sounds as if you have already made it clear that you won't be going.

You and your dh have already said no thanks. NO need to say anymore at all imo. Unless sil is rude enough to keep going on about it.