or is my dp being selfish here?

[namechangemummy]

We have a 6mo dd and a 2yo ds. We had plans to get married this year, but dp called it off, moved out, called his mum to pick him up and take him home to her house, she came and waited up the street for him.He moved back in, said we can't afford to get married, and we need to save and wait until he says we are ready. I'm not to mention the wedding at all.

Last year we were going to go a holiday before i found out i was pg, and we said we would go this yea instead, after the baby came. He has decided we can't afford a family holiday now. The kids are too young and they won't remember a holiday so what is the point. I really wanted to go somewhere with our children, and i would remember.

So he moves back in says that one of our biggest problems is that i don't let him do as much as he wants. Fair enough, Since he has moved back in, he has been out a fair amount of times, a few weeks ago, he was out Friday, Saturday, Sunday, driking every day, and spent a fair amount of that money he said we don't have.
He has been saying i'm away to marks (random name) and goes into the city to stay at his friends, without me saying anything.

He was in Nottingham and Manchester (had to borrow money from a friend for the hotel in Manchester). We are from Scotland btw. He has told me he is going to London in May for a few nights, and is away a 'tour' with his band, (they don't get paid) for 4 dates in July. (Manchester, Nottingham and London also with his band, but they get no expenses)
He has just told me there the now that he might be going to France for a few days with his friends, for a festival. I brought up the family holiday and he started with the " You are never happy unless i am doing what you want are you??"

So i have tried here, but i think now it is going a bit far. I feel he is living like a single guy. We are young. He will be 25 this year, but it still seems a bit much really. I have to just shut up and let him do/go anywhere, spend as much money as we have and more, or i am branded a bad, controlling person. I need to know AIBU here?

You would be a fool to get a joint bank account. He will bleed you dry!!

Pack his stuff and let his mummy come pick him up. Bet she won't put up with his crap for long.

What a cock,what an absolute cock.
Get him out of the house and out of your life.
Then he can do all the 'touring' he wants to.
Make sure he pays for his kids though.

Sorry, you're with him because.....

So, how would he feel if you went away as often as he does and spent as much money as he does?

lmao at 'Let's split up. I insist'
Good idea.

He sounds a little like my dp, i told him he either bucks up his ideas or were done, he is slowly dropping his single lifestyle and becoming more of a family man.

I suggest you give your dp and ultimatum

bin him, he's no good

YANBU

To coin a famous MN phrase he is a cocklodger.

Pack his bags and tell him to go.

I agree, I cannot see what you could be getting out of this relationship, unless he is an absolute stallion in the sack, and is totally fantastic with the kids. Can't comment on the first (but suspect you'd be just as happy with a vibrator!) but it doesn't sound like he does a lot with the kids if he can just walk out on them so easily

Get rid of him, if he wants to live the single life let him, but don't let it impact on you, he is an twat.

ScreaminEagle, I thought that too when I started reading but some of the details seem different - didn't the eventual cause of the particular fuckwit turn out to be called Alice?

OP - get some backbone ffs lass!

1. Throw him out
2. Change the locks
3. Never let him near a penny of your money

How in god's name did you end up with this bam?

That was me.. I name changed because i wanted to show him this thread and didn't want my mn name out.
As far as i know atm, i jumped to the wrong answer with Alice.. She is someone from work who i got the wrong idea about...

I just told him that i am like this and that is how it is gonna stay, if he doesn't like who i am he can go to his mums. She was here just half an hour ago and i said he could just go with her. He didn't.

We got back together, after he told me how much he would change, blablabla. Nothings changed, not for the better anyway.

OP, you know you NEED to throw him out. He is getting worse.

Good lord! What a selfish infantile man.

NAMECHANGMYMMY
Its' unanimous he is a cocklodger and it is now up to YOU to decide what isa going to happen from now on.

Whether that means he will change (hmm)
Or he goes when YOU says he goes.

Take control of your own life and

NO, Don't let him have a joint bank account who the hell does he think he is giving you and ultimatum like that ! Appalling behaviour

I don't understand why he gets to decide everything? Makes no sense to me at all.

Send him home to mummy and advise him to stay there.

Yes I'd be interested to hear why he thinks a joint account is suddenly a good idea when it's not been needed before. The only reason I can think of is to spend your money.

Ah yes dittany - the famous 'jointly and severally' liability of a joint account (used to work for a bank in Scotland).

Yes OP, he runs up an overdraft, bogs off, bank comes chasing you to repay.

Tbh reading through this thread the one thing that has been on my mind is do you/can you trust him not to cheat on you.

Do not agree to a joint bank account. He's already walking all over you. If he says he'll leave if you don't then pack his bags (literally) and say goodbye.

I'm sorry if I sound harsh but as I said in my previous post you're better off without him.

I quite like "Fuck off. And when you get there, fuck off again."

YANBU.

Door/arse etc.